Waiting
by Xx-Erin-xX-AthrunxCagallifan
Summary: Blaine is hoping, after an amazing Christmas with Kurt that they will eventually get back together except Kurt has begun his Freshman year at NYADA and there's a new man in his life. Klaine, Kurt/Not-Paul-whose-name-is-Adam-in-this. Rating upped to M. Blangst, lots of Blangst
1. Waiting

**This is now it's own story for those who are thinking: wow this looks familiar. Yeah, don't judge me. I just thought it would be easier than trying to keep a bunch of oneshots together. It won't be exceedingly long I think but we'll see. At least I'm not going crazy now because I'm managing to write something.  
**

* * *

Blaine stomped his feet on the way up to his bedroom. He knew it was childish but he needed an outlet for the stress he was feeling. He was Senior Class President therefore expected to both organise and attend this ridiculous Sadie Hawkins Dance. Even the name sent waves of cold fear churning through his stomach. He couldn't bear the thought of standing in that gym, his mind cruelly replaying the horror of three years ago back at him until he was forced to run to the bathrooms and puke his guts up. Logically he knew it was unlikely to have a replay of that night – he actually had friends who wouldn't let anything happen to him this time – but he couldn't help but want to curl into a tiny ball beneath his covers and hide until the whole thing was over. But he didn't want to have to resort to that, not really.

He knew what he really wanted though.

He wanted to be able to go to Kurt and curl up in his arms, whisper all his fears to him in secrecy and have him kiss away the pain and worry until everything seemed like it was going to be alright.

Only, that was the only thing he couldn't do.

Sure, he and Kurt had made up and they were back to where they were this time two years ago. Best friends who shared everything with each other with one hopelessly in love with the other. Only this time there was a reversal of roles. Of course, Blaine still hoped Kurt was in love with him, just unable to really think about it because he was still scared. Blaine didn't blame him, not at all, but he just wanted Kurt to be his again. He understood he had to work for it and wait for Kurt to be ready and he would do so. He would wait forever. But right now he wanted his boyfriend back.

Blaine sat on his bed and pulled out his phone staring at the photo of Kurt ice skating that had taken place as his background. Would it hurt to call him? Kurt said he could call whenever he wanted and he would answer, especially if it was important.

He decided he'd text first in case he was in a meeting or something.

_Hey, I need to talk to someone, preferably you. Can I call? Xx_

Blaine frowned at the kisses at the end of the message but sent them anyway. He had been sending 'xx' at the end of his messages to Kurt for way too long to stop now.

_Sure you can. Everything alright?_

Blaine winced at the lack of Kurt's own 'xx' but again that was his fault so he didn't linger on it too long, choosing instead to dial Kurt. Two rings and he picked up.

"Hey, are you alright?" Kurt asked immediately.

Blaine flopped back on the bed. "They're asking me to organise a Sadie Hawkins at McKinley."

Kurt inhaled sharply. "Oh, Blaine... what are you going to do?"

"I kind of have to, you know, Class President and all. I just wish I didn't have to _go_." Blaine sighed deeply. "I'm so scared... I had a nightmare last night. I wanted to call you but it was two in the morning and you had to work early so..."

"Blaine, you could have called. I wouldn't have minded." There was the sound of Kurt shifting on the other end of the phone, probably getting comfortable on his bed. "Was it about what happened?"

"Yeah... only they were replaced by McKinley jocks and it wasn't Scott getting beat up with me, it was..." Blaine trailed off and chewed on his bottom lip, shutting his eyes against the flood of tears as he remembered the vivid imagery in his dream.

"Who was it?" Kurt prompted.

"You," Blaine breathed out, so much pain in that one syllable that there was silence on Kurt's end. Blaine worried he'd made it awkward and was about to apologise when Kurt spoke.

"But hey, I'm alright, I'm in New York," Kurt replied, his voice just a little _too_ cheerful. "I'm absolutely fine. And you are too. The others won't let anything happen to you, silly."

Blaine smiled weakly. "Yeah... I know... I just wish..." He took a deep breath, being brave. "I wish you were here. I need you..." He noticed how his voice sounded and cursed inwardly when Kurt made a funny sound in response. "Sorry, that was too far."

"No, it's alright. Total honesty has always been our policy since we first met," Kurt said, sounding weird. "Total honesty..."

Blaine rolled onto his front, frowning. "Are you okay? You sound... off."

"I'm... um... I'm fine," Kurt choked out and Blaine clucked his tongue disbelievingly. "Right. I have to be honest too. I... I'm... Blaine, you know..." Kurt sighed deeply. "_Imetaguytoday_."

Blaine's heart caught at the blurted words that he didn't really understand. He thought he might have heard wrong.

"Can you repeat that?" he asked softly hoping he was wrong.

"I met a guy today," Kurt replied, his voice filled with strong emotions. Blaine recognised guilt and regret, sadness, those seemed to be directed at him. But he also recognised the little lilt hidden in there that meant he was excited. It was very reminiscent of the voice Kurt used to use when they'd just met, when he was first crushing on Blaine and the feelings were new and he was excited.

Blaine knew that tone, had memorised it perfectly.

It killed him that it was being used about somebody who wasn't him.

"Blaine-"

"That's great," Blaine cut him off. Numbness was starting to spread through his body and he couldn't seem to locate his heart anywhere to see how it was handling the news. "What..." Blaine cleared his throat, hoping Kurt couldn't hear how close he was to tears. "What's he like?"

Kurt hesitated for a moment.

"His name is Adam, he's a senior at NYADA and head of the Glee Club there," Kurt bubbled, trying to reign in the good emotions, knowing what it must be doing to Blaine. To Blaine that hurt even more. "He's from England originally so he still has a bit of an accent and it is so cute. He's so good looking too. But of course since he's three years older than me and so much more... attractive and sophisticated I don't really stand a chance so I have no idea why I'm telling you this."

Blaine winced through the entire description and felt despair at the last part. He'd done that to Kurt. He'd made him feel worthless again after he'd spent two years helping him build his confidence. He had to fix this. Time to be selfless. He could curl into a ball and sob for hours later. He could eat an entire tub of ice cream and watch the Notebook. But right now he needed to fix the mess he'd made of Kurt's self esteem.

"No, no Kurt, don't be stupid," Blaine choked out, trying to smile and put as much sincerity into his voice as he could. "Kurt, you're amazing. How could he not see that? Of course you have a chance with him, more than anybody else could. If he looks at you and can't see how beautiful, smart, funny and talented you are then he's either crazy or stupid and you don't want a guy like that. But he will see. He'll see just how incredible you are and how lucky he would be to have you and he won't take it for granted. I know it. After all, it's you we're talking about, and you deserve the best things."

Blaine heard Kurt's voice hitch when he replied.

"Thank you," he whispered. "But-"

"No. Amazing," Blaine repeated. "He'll see that, you just wait."

Kurt laughed weakly, sounding choked up again. "Blaine... you don't have to do that."

"Do what?" Blaine wondered innocently while still pinching his side to stop himself sobbing and begging Kurt not to be with that guy.

Kurt was quiet again. "It doesn't matter. Look, about the Sadie Hawkins dance. You can do this. Remember how you told me you regretted running? Well you went to Prom with me and then transferred to McKinley, those were your first steps to stop running. Guess what, Blaine? This is the final step. If you go to this dance and face all of your fears then you will have done it. You will have beaten those guys who broke you. They won't be able to haunt you anymore."

"I... I never thought of that..." Blaine shut his eyes. "I don't know if I can though."

"Blaine, now it's my turn. You're strong. You're so strong. Stronger than me even though you don't believe it. You're incredible too, you know. You can do this, I know you can because I know you. And I promise I'll keep my phone on that night so you can call me any second it becomes too much and I'll be there with you. You have to do this, you can't back away. You have to be strong. Do it please, do it for yourself and if you can't do that, then do it for me... please?"

Blaine sniffed and a tear escaped despite his efforts to keep it in.

"Okay," he breathed. "I can do it for you."

"I wish you'd do it for you but that's just as good."

"Kurt... I..." Blaine bit his lip until it hurt. "I'm happy for you."

"Blaine-"

Blaine hung up before Kurt could say anything else and he switched his phone off, tossing it aside and curling in on himself. Even if he went to the stupid dance and faced up to all his fears it wouldn't change anything because he still wouldn't be as good as that stupid older, British man who was probably more attractive and talented than Blaine. He should have seen this coming. Why would Kurt spend all his time working to trust Blaine again when he could just move on to someone who wouldn't be so stupid as to throw away the most amazing man in the universe?

Blaine's body shuddered as he let his first sobs out. He cried for a long time. He heard his mother come home and call out to him but he didn't answer, choosing instead to continue crying in peace. Hopefully, she would leave him alone.

Kurt was moving on.

The sad thing was that Blaine knew he would keep waiting. He was still be there. He would listen to Kurt gush about _Adam_ – the name was sour in his mind – and all the things they do together. He would let Kurt cry if things went wrong and give him advice to fix it. He would be happy for him, or at least force himself to put on the facade of happiness for Kurt. He would play the loyal best friend because that was the position Kurt gave him and he would rather take that than nothing. Kurt and Adam would probably be together for a long time, they'd both become successful Broadway stars and get married in Central Park. Kurt would ask Blaine to be his best man and he would. He would stand beside him as he married another man and smile even though he would be dying inside. He would be Kurt's confidant through his whole life with somebody else, supporting him and being happy for every milestone that they had once planned to reach together.

The saddest part was that even then he would still be waiting.


	2. Protect

**I'm clearly having a lot of feels right now since I got another one out and it's now its own story, yes, I have issues, leave me alone. Yet... still can't get my other stories out. This is a frustrating situation. Although I did get some inspiration for CMB but I want to get another chapter of HMH out but for some reason my brain says NO! Anywho, I'm glad you guys liked the last one, here's the follow up.  
**

* * *

Kurt took a seat in the classroom that was equal parts nostalgic and new. He sat in the back row at the edge where he'd sat back at McKinley so it brought back memories but this was in an unfamiliar room with unfamiliar people in a new city. Even the seats were different so it was just the position. The biggest difference, though, was that now he was in a room filled with people who were just as, if not more, talented than he was. He would have to really fight if he wanted to shine here.

But Kurt Hummel relished a challenge.

Although it might be difficult since every day this week he'd barely heard a word exchanged in the room. He was far too busy trying not to stare at Adam. And failing miserably. Adam looked so much like Kurt's dream husband from when he was a kid. Tall, blonde, gorgeous. British accent. And boy could he sing.

Kurt sighed dreamily as Adam sang a duet with one of the Junior girls at the front of the room. His voice was smooth, perfect. Adam gave the girl a flirty smile and suddenly Kurt was in a different room filled with boys in navy blazers as one sang to him with a bright smile and warm, mesmerizing eyes.

Kurt sat up straight and shook the memory away.

He tried to return to the captivating sound of Adam's voice but his phone buzzed in his pocket. He tried to ignore it (Adam banned use of cell phones during Glee) but it buzzed again. And again. And again.

Kurt chewed his bottom lip. Someone really wanted his attention. He eased it out of his pocket just to check the name.

_Blaine – 5 Messages_

Kurt winced. He couldn't ignore Blaine. He was dealing with that dance this week and he needed Kurt's support. Kurt promised he would be there the second Blaine needed him until it was over.

He stared at his ex boyfriend's name and chewed his thumb, torn. He could always excuse himself and answer them... but he might miss something important. Adam and Aleisha were still singing, they probably wouldn't notice if he just checked to make sure Blaine wasn't in grave danger. Kurt sneakily slid his phone all the way out and opened the messages to read them.

_Kurt... oh god... It's horrible._

Kurt's eyes widened at the first message.

_Kurt, I'm really scared._

_I thought the nightmare I had earlier in the week was bad but this..._

Oh no, what had those asshole jocks done to him? Was he alright? Kurt felt a dire urge to call Blaine just to make sure he was alright.

Until he saw the fourth message.

_They've brought in a balloon arch for the doorway. It's hideous and tacky._

Kurt gasped and sighed in relief, unknowingly catching the attention of his classmates. He smiled and shook his head, trying to still his racing heart. That boy was so going to get it when he got a chance to call him. He continued to the last message which had a picture attached.

_Sorry if I scared you... I just... god, even I think it's horrible so I would hate to think what you thought. Look._

The picture was of Blaine standing under the balloon arch with Sam, both of them doing jazz hands and grinning like idiots. Kurt stifled a giggle, forgetting where he was and went to send a reply when someone cleared their throat.

Kurt froze and looked up slowly to find Adam leaning over him with his eyebrows raised and arms folded.

"Is there something more important on your phone than class?" he asked coolly.

"Um... no... it's just-"

"Didn't I say to you in your first meeting that cell phones were not to be used during Club time?" Adam demanded and Kurt felt his cheeks flush. Everyone was staring at him and he tried not to feel humiliated. He repressed the urge to shrink in his seat and instead straightened up.

"Yes you did and I'm sorry but I thought it was something incredibly important. It won't happen again," Kurt replied bravely. Adam raised his eyebrows again but nodded and held out his hand wordlessly. Kurt sighed sadly but surrendered his phone over. He ignored the stares and whispers as their leader returned to the front of the room and dropped Kurt's phone in his bag.

Kurt zoned out for the rest of the hour, too embarrassed to look at Adam, let alone listen to him. How did he always manage to make a fool of himself in front of the guys he liked? It was like he was cursed or something. At least with Blaine he'd been able to-

Kurt shook his head angrily. He needed to stop doing that. It wasn't healthy.

Adam dismissed them at the end of the hour and Kurt slowly rearranged his bag waiting for Aleisha to stop flirting with Adam so he could go and get his phone back and get his lecture in private. Finally she left with one last hair flick that made Kurt roll his eyes and he slowly made his way to where Adam was drinking from a water bottle.

"Kurt," he said and Kurt's heart jumped at the sound of his name in that beautiful accent.

"Um... I am sorry," he mumbled. "I'd tell you what it was about but I can't."

"I get it... you've got six more messages from this Blaine guy," Adam said and Kurt frowned, wondering why it sounded so... _wrong_ to hear Adam say his ex's name. Adam handed him the phone back and Kurt took it without looking at the screen.

"Thanks, I'll just-"

"Hold on a second," Adam said. He laughed and Kurt's heart jumped once again at the sound. "Relax, I'm not about to chew you out. Just don't do that again. I actually wanted to know if you would like to sing tomorrow? You haven't sung in front of everyone yet."

"I'd love to!" Kurt bubbled, his face lighting up in excitement.

"Great." Adam picked up his bag and smiled warmly at Kurt, his indiscretion completely forgotten. "Pick something good, okay?"

"Sure," Kurt grinned, beaming ecstatically as Adam left. He waited until the older student was hopefully out of earshot before jumping up and making a triumphant sound. He pulled out his phone and read through Blaine's messages which mostly consisted of him asking why Kurt hadn't replied and then realising he was probably in class and saying he'd wait. He shook his head in amusement and called him taking a seat on the piano bench.

"Hey you," Kurt greeted when Blaine picked up his phone with a slightly frustrated greeting meaning he hadn't looked at the screen.

"Oh, sorry," Blaine gasped. "I didn't realise it was you."

"I figured. You got me in trouble by the way. I thought you were being attacked or something so I used my phone in class."

"Kurt! You rebel!" Blaine teased and Kurt giggled. "I'm sorry though."

"So, how's the dance coming along?"

"It doesn't look anything like the one I went to. That's a plus. It's just... it's tackier than either of the proms I went to with you."

Kurt smiled. "That's McKinley for you."

"Yeah..."

Kurt examined the sheet music still on the piano.

"Are you guys going to perform?" he wondered. Blaine hummed.

"I don't want to," he admitted. "The less attention I can draw to myself on the night the better. But I think the others would like to. They'll probably force me to sing with them though." Blaine sighed sadly. "I don't want to do this Kurt."

"I know," Kurt cooed softly. "I know it's hard but you'll get through it. I know you will. The same way you got up the courage to dance with me at prom. You were right there when I needed you most despite it not being something you were comfortable with. Remember, honey, they can't touch you."

Blaine didn't reply but Kurt knew he would be clutching the phone close to him, his eyes shut as he soaked up Kurt's encouragement.

"I love you," Blaine whispered and Kurt's heart missed a beat, his stomach twisting a little uncomfortably. He wondered if Blaine had even meant to say it or if it just came out as a natural response to Kurt's words. "Kurt?"

Kurt smiled sadly. "Yeah, I love you too, Blaine. You know that."

Blaine sighed happily. "I need to go. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Yeah, absolutely. Have fun."

"Don't even joke about that." Kurt laughed and they said goodbye again before hanging up, Kurt having to go first since Blaine hesitated just a moment too long. Kurt groaned and dropped his head onto his arms on the piano.

"Trouble in paradise?"

Kurt made an undignified squeaking sound and turned around to see Adam looking at him curiously.

"What?" Kurt wondered.

"You seemed upset. Are you and your boyfriend not good?" he wondered.

Kurt blushed deeply. "Oh, Blaine's not my boyfriend... anymore." Kurt felt weird saying that yet again. It always felt weird saying he was single or that Blaine was just his friend. He knew that statement would never seem right because it was untrue in a sense. Blaine had never been 'just a friend' and he never would be. They were something infinitely more precious to each other even if they weren't together anymore and maybe never would be again.

And why did that thought hurt a little?

"That sounds... bad," Adam mused. "I'm sorry if it seems like I was eavesdropping. I left my sheet music." He indicated the pages on the piano and Kurt gathered them and handed them over. "Why did you say I love you if you're not together?"

"Because I do still love him it's just..." Kurt shrugged helplessly. "I've loved Blaine for two years. I'll never just... not. There will always be a part of me that loves him... even if it's not the way he wants."

"He's still in love with you?"

Kurt nodded, avoiding Adam's eyes. "I feel bad saying it back. He knows it doesn't mean any more than best friends but he wants it to and I feel like I'm giving him hope. It's cruel."

Adam nodded, leaning on the piano, a thoughtful look on his face.

"If you've made yourself clear then you shouldn't feel bad if he feels hope. That's his own choice," Adam decided. "The fact you're still in each other's lives says enough about how much you care. I'm sure he'll be satisfied as long as he has you in some capacity."

"I hope so." Kurt studied his phone and then turned it, showing Adam the background. "That's him. We took that at Christmas when we went ice skating and I forgave him for everything and told him I didn't want to lose him. He's been my best friend longer than I've been in love with him so that's more important."

Adam nodded. "He's cute."

Kurt's heart sped up and struggled to hide a hopeful smile. "Are you...?" He flushed when Adam smirked a little. "Sorry, that's none of my business."

"I'm gayer than the fourth of July, Kurt, if that's what you're asking," Adam chuckled. Kurt looked back up with a smile. "No need to be embarrassed."

"I just thought... I mean, Aleisha seemed so intent to keep your attention."

Adam laughed that beautiful laugh again making Kurt's stomach fill with butterflies that had been absent for a long time. It was nice to have that feeling back.

"She won't take a hint," he mused. "I even said to her, and I'm not exaggerating, 'Ally, I love cock. I like sucking cock, I like taking cock up the ass. I also like fucking other guys up the ass. Boobs just don't do it for me, sorry love' but it didn't seem to get through to her."

Kurt blushed and laughed, unsure if he was more embarrassed by the talk of sex or the images in his head because of it.

Adam looked at him with a sideways smile. "Sorry, that was crude."

"It's okay," Kurt assured him. "Unexpected but I've heard worse."

"Done worse?"

Kurt flushed and stuttered making Adam laugh again.

"I couldn't resist that time, it's so easy to make you blush. It's so cute."

Kurt's heart soared and he looked away with a smile. "Thanks."

"I mean it. Well, I'll see you tomorrow Kurt." Adam winked as he left and Kurt practically skipped out of the room once he'd managed to stop his heart from trying to thud out of his chest. He couldn't wait to tell Rachel about this most recent development.

Or Bl-

No... no, he couldn't do that to Blaine. Not again. Kurt could hear it in his voice last time, no matter how hard he'd tried to hide it. Kurt had Blaine's voice committed perfectly to memory. He knew what every inflection meant. He knew all of his different tones by heart. It was impossible for him not to realise how much he'd hurt him talking about Adam last time. He couldn't do that again. It was worse than responding to his I love yous.

No, he would protect Blaine from himself. He wouldn't hurt him with thoughtless conversation about a new guy when Kurt knew that Blaine was in love with him and wanted him back.

Kurt nodded to himself as he sent Rachel and excited text that he had something exciting to tell her. If he only he had stopped to think how much worse it would hurt Blaine when he found out these things were being kept from him.


	3. Song

**I am so excited about how many people are reading this especially since it started out as me basically ranting my feelings about this whole situation. Anywho I'm glad people are responding to Adam in different ways, just remember we've only met him once, we'll learn lots about him later but it's completely up to you if you like him or not. This chapter took a little while to finish because it took me AGES to find the perfect song. I went through my entire iTunes then yesterday I got Ronan Keating's album Songs For My Mother and as soon as the song Make You Feel My Love started playing I knew it was the right one. So enjoy!  
**

**Thanks a tonne for all the favs, follows and reviews, you're all awesome. Okay just a guest reply I want to do, the rest of you can skip down to the story. Thanks so much for reading!  
**

**Reply to guest: Hey! I love long reviews so don't worry! Klaine situation is fairly complicated. I'll do a little flashback scene to their conversation so you can see what they actually decided (in my mind) to be where they are now. Blaine is still deeply in love with Kurt and will do anything to have him back but right now Kurt still isn't sure if he trusts Blaine and is confused as to whether he was hurt too much to still be in love with him. He wants to focus on sorting that out before he even thinks of getting back with him but then he met Adam and butterflies etc. so now it's even more confusing for him. But I think it's more healthy in the long run for him to focus on a different man to see if he can feel something for someone else, you know? I mean Blaine had his realisation about he and Kurt after sleeping with Eli so Kurt needs to have a similar situation (that doesn't necessarily mean he'll sleep with Adam though, I haven't made up my mind about that).  
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**About Adam, I understand your opinion but please remember that was just our first glimpse of him. He's a human being with many layers and we've barely scratched the surface. He didn't look at Kurt's phone it kept buzzing and the screen lights up saying who the texts are from, that's not his fault, also he had no idea Kurt was still in the room when he went back. I don't see him as the kind of person to invade privacy like that. Also about the sex thing, his crudeness is just one facet, it doesn't necessarily mean he isn't romantic. He's twenty two years old and a lot more comfortable in his sexuality than nineteen year old Kurt so speaking openly about is just something normal and easy. We'll find out more about the kind of person he is as the story progresses, but true, Blaine won't like him no matter how wonderful he might be. In fact the fact that Adam is a good person makes Blaine hate him even more.  
**

* * *

When the night of the Sadie Hawkins dance arrived Blaine reluctantly put on his suit and made his way to the gym to check that everything was in place. Most of the New Directions were already there with the band, running through their set list one more time before the dance started.

"Hey dude!"

Blaine turned to find Sam standing behind him.

"How are you holding up?" Sam wondered.

"I'm... nervous is an understatement," Blaine sighed. "Terrified is more accurate. I wish Kurt was here. Where's Brittany?"

"With Tina," Sam said. "I'm not supposed to see her yet or something."

Blaine smiled. "That's weddings."

"I tried to tell her that but she insisted something awful would happen." Sam shrugged. "I don't mind, I want to be surprised."

Blaine nodded and looked around the gym warily. Soon everyone would be arriving and he would start getting claustrophobic and hyperventilating and people would be around him, bumping him and crowding him and god-

Blaine turned and bolted from the gym for the fifth time that day to empty his stomach in the toilets. Sam followed behind him and rubbed his back as he coughed. Blaine groaned and sat back on his heels before leaning against the stall wall.

"Are you okay?" Sam wondered.

"Not really. I've been having panic attacks all day. I throw up when I get panic attacks," Blaine mumbled.

"I noticed." Sam gave him a wry smile and disappeared. He came back a few minutes later with a bottle of water and a stick of gum. "No toothbrush or mouthwash so this will have to do."

"Thanks," Blaine smiled. He got up and splashed water on his face to cool himself down.

"Will you be okay to sing?" Sam wondered, watching him worriedly. "You still look a little pasty."

"I'll be fine." Blaine sighed and drank half the water before explaining himself. "I don't want to do it but I have to. Singing is the only way I can force my emotions out sometimes and it's a healthier way to do it than going to town on a heavy bag, you know? I just… I need to get some stuff off my chest. This is the best way I know how. I also… I want to make Kurt proud by facing my fears…"

Blaine avoided Sam's eyes as he finished and he was surprised when the blonde boy pulled him into a bone-crushing hug.

"I'm sure he will be," he whispered reassuringly and Blaine smiled, hugging Sam back, feeling safe and protected in his arms. He was so glad Brittany had brought them together for the Presidential race. He needed someone like Sam in his life. He probably would be a bigger mess right now if he didn't have someone to talk to.

"Thank you," Blaine whispered.

"What for?"

"Everything." They pulled apart and Blaine smiled at Sam. "Come on, everyone's going to start arriving soon and we need to be out there. Make sure the others are ready for the opening song. I just need to…" Blaine pulled out his phone and Sam nodded and left him.

_Countdown to D-day complete. Wish me luck xx_

He waited to see whether a response would come through, but none did. Blaine stared at his phone until he could hear the tell-tale sounds of people making their way to the gym and, despairingly – he really needed that last boost of confidence from Kurt – he turned it off and went to make his appearance.

* * *

In New York Kurt was busy cleaning up his and Rachel's apartment. She was out with Brody and his mind was still whirring over the day's activities. NYADA was a lot to take in so quickly and he spent the better part of each evening compartmentalising. He had a lot to catch up on since he'd missed the Fall and was working twice as hard as everyone else. Suffice to say he was exhausted.

He was just pondering going to take an hour long shower when someone knocked on their door.

"Rachel if you forgot your keys when I reminded you right before you left to get them I'm going to kill you!" Kurt shouted as he made his way to the door and pulled it open. He froze when he noticed Adam leaning against the wall beside his doorway.

The twenty-two year old lifted a bag filled with Chinese take away boxes and smiled hopefully.

"Hi, I have Chinese," he offered.

"I can see that…" Kurt stared at him for a few minutes. What was his Glee Club leader doing here? "Um… how did you know where I live?"

Adam looked a little embarrassed and he straightened up, avoiding Kurt's eyes.

"I may or may not have sought out your roommate and asked her if it would be alright for me to drop by," he mumbled. "She seemed really enthusiastic about it actually and went to make plans with her boyfriend so we could spend time together."

Kurt's face broke into a smile. That was one of the sweetest gestures he could think of.

"You want to spend time with me?"

"I think I'd really like to get to know you," Adam shrugged, giving Kurt a hopeful smile. "She also told me your fondness for sweet and sour pork."

Kurt blushed and gestured into the apartment.

"I'm only accepting because of the food bribe," he teased.

"That's why it's here," Adam responded, looking around in interest. "You know… this is so much better than the NYADA dorms, even if it is in Bushwick."

"Thanks. Take a seat, I'm going to berate Rachel." _And thank her_.

Adam chuckled and Kurt skipped into their kitchen to pick his phone up. He frowned at the screen when he spotted a message from Blaine.

"Crap!" Kurt opened it and read it, his heart falling from its previous elation very quickly.

"Is something wrong?" Adam wondered, looking up from where he was putting their dinner on the coffee table.

"I completely forgot what day it was," Kurt replied frantically. "Oh god, I can't believe I did that." He hurriedly called Blaine but it went through to voicemail. "Dammit… Oh Sam, I can call Sam."

Adam watched him curiously as he called another number. Thankfully Sam picked up… and looked at his caller ID as he did so.

"Kurt?" Sam greeted. "Uh… not that I'm bothered by this or anything by why are you calling me? I'm at the dance."

"I know, that's why I'm calling!" Kurt said. "I totally forgot and I promised Blaine I'd talk to him before it started to make sure he was okay."

"Oh," Sam said, sounding worried. "Well… he's been throwing up all day. He kind of looked like a deer caught in headlights the last time I saw him."

"Oh no. Why didn't he answer his phone?"

"I think he turned it off. I can let you talk to him if you want."

"Please."

There was silence and Kurt could hear the music stop in the background as whoever was singing finished their song. He heard Sam's muffled voice as he asked someone where Blaine was then he came back on the line.

"He's about to go up and sing," Sam explained.

"Can I listen?" Kurt wondered.

"Sure, stay on the line."

Kurt smiled and turned his phone to speaker before going over to Adam and sitting it on the coffee table.

"I'm sorry," Kurt whispered. "I'll explain later."

Adam smiled and shrugged one shoulder, holding out a box for Kurt to take. He kept politely quiet as Kurt looked at his phone, waiting for Blaine to sing.

"Okay, he's just gone up… he looks like he might be sick again," Sam chuckled nervously.

"Blaine would never throw up during a performance," Kurt chastised. "We're talking about Blaine Warbler Anderson here, Sam, you should know better."

"Right."

Adam raised his eyebrows but said nothing. They could hear people cheering then quieting a little as a piano started to play. Kurt recognised the song immediately and his eyes began to itch as he held back tears. He had no doubt who Blaine was singing this to.

_When the rain is blowing in your face  
And the whole world is on your case  
I could offer you a warm embrace  
To make you feel my love_

Kurt didn't even notice he was leaning closer to the phone.

"Sam, is someone recording this?" Kurt asked.

"What?" Sam asked clearly not listening.

"Is someone recording this? Can I get a video?"

"Tina is. I'll ask her to send you a copy."

"Thank you."

_When evening shadows and the stars appear  
And there's no-one there to dry your tears  
I could hold you for a million years  
To make you feel my love_

"This guy is amazing," Adam murmured and Kurt turned to look at him to see he was completely serious.

"He is," Kurt agreed, pride expanding his heart.

_I know you haven't made your mind up yet  
But I would never do you wrong  
I've known it from the moment that we met  
No doubt in my mind where you belong_

"Oh Blaine," Kurt murmured sadly. He glanced sideways at Adam and pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. He would definitely have to just get off the phone with Sam after this, he couldn't risk Blaine knowing Kurt was spending time with another man after he'd just bared his soul so beautifully. He'd get him to call him once the dance was over.

_I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue  
I'd go crawling down the avenue  
There is nothing that I wouldn't do  
To make you feel my love_

The piano kept playing and Kurt wished he could see Blaine right now. It didn't matter that he couldn't though, he could picture his face exactly. Blaine had sung to and about Kurt enough times that he knew the look in his eyes. Right now though it would be more painful, more like when he sang _Teenage Dream_ at Callbacks, riddled with guilt. Right now there would be pain in his eyes but also deep love. He might even be crying. Blaine was never more emotionally vulnerable than when he was singing about his emotions.

Kurt wiped a tear from under his eye before it could fall.

_The storms are raging on the rolling seas  
And on the highway of regrets  
The winds of change are blowing wild and free  
You ain't seen nothing like me yet_

"Are you alright?"

Kurt felt Adam's hand on his shoulder and he nodded without looking at him.

"I'm fine," he whispered.

_I could make you happy, make your dreams come true  
Ain't nothing that I wouldn't do  
Go to the ends of the Earth for you  
To make you feel my love_

_To make you feel my love_

"I promise I'll stop hurting you," Kurt whispered. He picked up the phone as the song finished and switched it off loudspeaker. "Sam?"

"I'm here. That was… wow… he was singing about you I'm pretty sure."

"Yeah, I realised that. Hey, get him to call me once the dance is over. Don't tell him I called until then. I am so proud that he sung in front of everyone during this. Keep an eye on him for me."

"Will do. Kurt… um…" Sam hesitated. Kurt wondered if he'd heard Adam's voice and was about to ask who he was. "Actually, I don't think I want to know. I'll tell Blaine to call you. Thanks for checking up on him. Bye."

Sam hung up and Kurt stared at his phone in a little bit of shock. He guessed Sam had heard Adam was angry about it. The way he said that 'thanks for checking up on him' as if it was some obligation, that Kurt didn't really care. He was tempted to call Sam back and yell at him but then Blaine might be there and…

Kurt shook his head and put his phone down.

"I'm sorry about that," he said to Adam. "It's just… dances are a touchy subject for Blaine and well… he needed me. I completely forgot about it and-"

"Say no more," Adam smiled. "You don't have to tell me. So that was your ex singing?"

Kurt frowned at once again having Blaine referred to like that.

"Yes," he nodded. "He's great, isn't he?"

"Is going to apply to NYADA?"

"Yes. He'll get in. Nobody is a better performer than Blaine." Kurt noticed that he once again sounded like some kind of PTA mother whose child was on the Honour Roll. Adam noticed too and he smiled warmly.

"Well, make sure he joins our club, we could use him," Adam decided. "Now, tell me, what made you want to come to NYADA?"

Kurt burst into his explanation right away. If he'd been thinking more clearly and hadn't been torn with his worry for Blaine and excitement to be spending time with Adam (he still needed to thank Rachel for orchestrating this) he would have noticed the way the conversation was completely drawn away from his ex every time he mentioned him. He thought about that later after Adam had left. They'd spent hours talking and getting to know each other, laughing and sharing stories from their pasts. Kurt had had a lot of fun and he was absolutely sure Adam liked him back so it made sense that he didn't want to talk about Kurt's ex boyfriend. But if this progressed any further Kurt was going to have to put his foot down, Blaine wasn't just his ex he was his best friend and he was a part of Kurt's life.

Sure Adam would understand if they spoke about it honestly, Kurt went to bed, lying awake waiting for a call from Blaine that didn't come.


	4. Regret

**Hey guys! How wonderful was Klainemas? I know a lot of you are probably on that team that thinks Kurt was too cold and distant but I understand how he was feeling. It's the first time they've seen each other on good terms since TBU things were bound to be awkward since Kurt's still in the 'I don't know how I feel about you anymore, can I trust you? Do I still love you? Can I forgive you?' phase and suddenly Blaine's there reminding him of all the reasons he does love him... and his dad just told him he has cancer (CURSE YOU RIB YOU LEAVE TV'S GREATEST DAD ALONE!), I think the way he was acting is understandable. Oh but Blaine's face whenever he looked at Kurt, and how he was acting with Burt, and his desperate desire to act the way he always does with Kurt despite how awkward things were between them... it killed me, just killed me. I loved it. Every second of it.  
**

**Anywho, the story. Someone asked me about the song in the last chapter:  
**

**"To Make You Feel My Love" written and performed by Bob Dylan; covers done by numerous artists but I based Blaine's version off a combination of Ronan Keating's version and the cover Darren and Lea sang together at the Big Brother/Sister thing they went to earlier this year.  
**

**Here, have some more angst. Nobody be angry at Sam alright or I will be unhappy with you. He thought he was doing the right thing, looking out for Blaine. Enjoy!  
**

**PS To those who read HMH: next chapter is halfway done, I got some inspiration. It should be up soon, I promise!  
**

* * *

Blaine sat on the edge of their makeshift stage and watched the last people who weren't part of the New Directions leaving the gym. He sighed with relief and looked around the empty gym. He'd done it.

He'd done it.

He'd done it. He'd survived the dance. He'd even gotten up to sing for everyone.

A slow smile spread across his face and Sam dropped down beside him to sit as Brittany knelt behind him, wrapping him in a hug. Blaine laughed as the rest of his friends gathered around them and he was practically crushed into the middle of a group hug.

"We're so proud of you, man," Finn said, grinning at him.

Blaine rubbed his eyes, still grinning. "Thank you all, so much, for being here for me. It means a lot that you all stuck by my crazy panicking today and made sure I was doing alright tonight."

"Why wouldn't we?" Tina asked.

Blaine smiled again where he was still sandwiched between Sugar and Brittany. He was so happy to be surrounded by his friends right now but he couldn't help but feel a little abandoned and unloved that Kurt seemed to have forgotten all about what tonight was and how much he needed him.

"Let's sing one more song!" Unique suggested. "Come on Blaine, you only sang once tonight. You need to lead us, honey."

Blaine smiled and extricated himself from the girls.

"No thanks, guys," he sighed. "I'm drained. I think I'll just head home. Do you mind? I'll be back tomorrow to help with the clean up."

They all assured him it was fine and he let himself be passed around for more hugs before he left, feeling much lighter but heavier at the same time. Lighter because he'd done what he needed to and faced everything, he was free of those memories now, but he was heavier because the one person he wanted to be proud of him hadn't even bothered to remember what day it was.

"Blaine!"

Blaine turned around to wait for Sam.

"You heading off too?" Blaine wondered and Sam nodded.

"Man, I'm so proud of you," Sam said softly. "And I know Kurt would be too if he'd seen you."

Blaine smiled softly. "Well, maybe he wouldn't since he seemed to forget that it was even on tonight."

Sam opened his mouth to tell Blaine to call Kurt but then stopped. He remembered the sound of a second, male, unfamiliar voice on the phone. Sam examined Blaine's resigned expression. He knew for a fact that Blaine wasn't over Kurt and probably never would be, he was waiting for him to take him back, but if that guy was more than a friend then that meant Kurt was moving on. Sam couldn't stand the thought of Blaine calling Kurt and finding out about it that way. He'd come to see Blaine as a younger brother and felt protective of him. He didn't want to see the look in Blaine's eyes if he heard the same thing Sam had on the phone.

"Maybe he was busy," Sam shrugged. "Why don't you call him in the morning? I'm sure he'll feel terrible for not calling today and I know he'll be proud of you."

Blaine nodded sadly and Sam wrapped an arm around his shoulders, biting his tongue against the wave of guilt. He didn't remove his arm until they got to Blaine's car. Sam frowned as Blaine opened the door. He spotted a jacket on the passenger seat.

"Blaine is that Kurt's?" he asked. Blaine looked and his cheeks flushed darkly.

"Um... maybe... I might have worn it in to school this morning for some courage. It still smells like him..." Blaine looked at Sam with shining eyes. "God, I'm pathetic, aren't I?"

"No, no, you're just hurting. Nobody could blame you for taking whatever comfort you can find."

"Things are better since Christmas but... sometimes I get scared of him forgetting me," Blaine explained softly. "I'm not his boyfriend anymore, nothing's stopping him from forgetting me."

"Nothing except two years of memories and love," Sam reminded Blaine.

Blaine shrugged helplessly. "I'm nothing special compared to anybody he might meet in New York. I wouldn't blame him for forgetting about me."

"Blaine..."

"I'll see you in the morning, Sam." Blaine forced a wide, bright, very fake smile onto his face and Sam winced at the sight of it but said nothing as Blaine got in his car and drove off, a despairing expression on his face.

* * *

Kurt slept in the next morning since he'd forced himself to stay up late staring at his phone screen, waiting for Blaine's smiling face to flash up on it so he could talk to him. However that hadn't happened and he'd panicked when he'd woken up, worried he'd missed the call but his phone was devoid of any communication from his best friend.

He was therefore grouchy when he got up and joined Rachel in the kitchen.

"Hey!" she chirped. "So how was your night? Did you like your surprise?" She turned around and noticed his expression. "Oh no, did it go badly?"

"What?" Kurt asked, not even understanding what she was talking about.

"Adam came to see you last night!"

"Oh, that. No, that was fine. No, Blaine was meant to call me and he didn't." He looked at his phone once more, willing it to start ringing. But of course it didn't.

Rachel sighed in a slightly exasperated fashion and Kurt looked up at her with a frown. He studied her expression. Her eyebrows were pulled together and the corners of her mouth turned down slightly that told him she was disapproving right now.

"What's the matter with you?" he demanded.

"Really, Kurt? I helped organise for a very eligible, attractive gay man to come and spend time with you last night and you're worrying over the fact that your _ex_ hasn't called you?" Rachel asked. "You told me you really liked Adam and from what I can tell he likes you too. Did you even pay him attention?"

"Of course I did! We talked, we got to know each other, he flirted with me – it was great! But last night was the Sadie Hawkins dance. Do you expect me to just forget about the hard time Blaine has with dances, let alone a _Sadie Hawkins_ dance?"

Rachel rolled her eyes and folded her arms. "Of course not, but Kurt, don't you see how clinging to your past is going to make it impossible for you to move on. This is unhealthy. You need to forget about Blaine and focus on the fact that you can move forward with your life now."

"Excuse me?" Kurt took a step towards Rachel, eyes narrowed dangerously. "_Forget_ Blaine? Forget him?"

"Yes, Kurt, forget him! Move on with your life! It's over, you need to accept that!"

Kurt's jaw dropped and he shook his head adamantly. "I don't think you quite understand anything about Blaine and I. Blaine was never just my boyfriend Rachel, he is my best friend. He's been my best friend pretty much since the day we met. He is so much more important to me than some ex boyfriend I can just toss aside and _forget about_. When you truly love someone they are never not a part of you. He's always going to be with me and if you can't understand that then maybe you don't really understand love."

"I don't understand love?" Rachel shrieked. "Did you never pay attention-?"

"No, Rachel, you don't! You're so fickle you have the ability to move on from the guys you're with to someone new instantly therefore you don't understand love. Don't you dare try to tell me how I'm supposed to deal with the aftermath of my break up. Blaine is a part of my life and you're just going to have to accept that!" Kurt was breathing heavily and he lowered his voice as he spoke again. "I'm going for a walk. Leave me alone for a while."

He stayed only long enough to get his wallet and keys, wrap a scarf around his neck and grab his coat before storming out of the apartment, wrapping himself up from the cold as he wandered through the streets. He withdrew his phone from his pocket again and stared at the screen.

Why hadn't Blaine called? Was he mad that Kurt hadn't responded to his message? Probably. Kurt didn't blame him but he just wanted a chance to apologise for that and make sure Blaine was alright, also to tell him how proud he was of him for getting up and singing despite his fears over doing that.

He went to a diner for breakfast and after his second cup of coffee managed to calm down enough to regret shouting at Rachel and he tried to see her point of view. He supposed because she was able to move on so easily from Finn she just expected Kurt to be able to do the same. It wasn't like he was still hung up over Blaine, wanting to get back together, he just needed to keep Blaine in his life. They were so much more important to his each other than exes, they had so much more history. It might be easy for Rachel to forget everything about Finn, maybe because their entire relationship was built up around crazy, ridiculous situations and they had nothing in common really, but Blaine had been Kurt's rock in a time when he'd had nobody, that wasn't something he could just throw away.

Kurt decided he would spend a little more time alone – let Rachel begin to feel bad for what she'd said – before going back and apologising for yelling. After all they had to live together and he did need to thank her for giving him a chance to spend time with Adam outside school.

As Kurt was getting ready to call for his cheque his phone buzzed where it was lying on the table and Blaine's name and picture flashed onto the screen. Kurt grabbed it immediately and answered.

"Blaine?" he asked.

"Hi," Blaine responded.

"You're finally calling me. I was getting worried. But I guess you were probably tired so I understand," Kurt bubbled, warmth spreading through his entire body. He shouldn't have been worried. Blaine had probably just fallen asleep when he got home.

"Um… what?" Blaine sounded very confused. "I… uh, I was waiting for you to call me. Yesterday was the dance… I didn't hear from you and I thought you forgot."

Shame erased the previous warmth from Kurt's body. "I'm so sorry. I did forget for a little while but I remembered and tried to call. Your phone was off so I called Sam. I… I heard you sing. It was amazing. I asked Sam to tell you to call me."

"You heard me sing?"

"I did. It was beautiful. Bob Dylan would be jealous."

Blaine laughed lightly and the sound was like music to Kurt's ears. He didn't understand how he could go for days without hearing that beautiful sound.

"Thanks. Sam didn't tell me about you calling. He must have forgotten."

Kurt's stomach twisted uncomfortably. "Yeah… he must have." Kurt has a sneaking suspicion that Sam might have chosen deliberately to keep that fact from Blaine. If Kurt's theory about Sam's attitude towards him last night was true then it would make sense. He felt a flare of anger at the blonde boy but it faded quickly. He was just looking out for Blaine but it bugged him that anyone thought he would hurt Blaine on purpose.

"Well, thank you for remembering," Blaine said in a soft voice.

"I was so worried about you. You're okay right?"

"Yeah, everything was great. I don't know what I was so scared of." Blaine's false cheer clued Kurt in that he was still a little shaken up over the whole ordeal. "It's over now though and I'm glad. At least I've only got Prom left and I never have to go to another stupid dance again."

Kurt smiled. "Yeah, that'll be great. Blaine, you have to know, what do you did was so brave. They really don't have a hold on you anymore. You can let go of all those old demons because you beat them. And I am so proud of you."

There was a muffled sound of a choked-off sob.

"Thank you," Blaine whispered, tears evident in his voice. Kurt wished he could wrap Blaine into a tight hug. He cleared his throat. "So, what did you get up to last night besides listening to me once again crying my way through a song?"

Blaine meant it as a joke but Kurt could hear the real pain behind the words and it made him want to jump under a bus but he wasn't entirely sure why. All he knew was that when he thought of Blaine's emotional rendition of 'To Make You Feel My Love' and the fact that he listened to the soul-wrenching way that Blaine laid his feelings bare with Adam beside him, he felt sick.

"Um… nothing much," Kurt lied. "Rachel was out with Brody so I just reorganised my wardrobe and waited for you to call."

"Sorry."

"Not your fault."

Kurt paid for his breakfast and walked out of the diner, still talking to Blaine as he made his way back to the apartment. They chatted for ages about all the things they used to (sans lovey-dovey, mushy talk about their future together) and by the time Kurt was home Blaine sounded like his bright and happy self and he felt accomplished.

"Hey, I fought with Rachel this morning and I'm home now so I need to make it up to her," Kurt interrupted Blaine's explanation of his newest bow-tie as he paused outside the door.

"Oh, of course, don't let me keep you," Blaine replied sounding equal parts disappointed and guilty.

"Nonsense," Kurt teased. "I'd rather keep talking to you, you know that, but I have to live with her. I need to make good. So, I'll call you after you're done with the clean up and we can go over the new Vogue together."

"Great! I can't wait!"

The sincerity and excitement in Blaine's voice sent yet another whirlpool of mixed emotions through him.

"I love you, Kurt," Blaine said shyly. He always said it with incredible insecurity these days, as if he was worried Kurt would ask him to stop saying it. But Kurt knew he must be the most selfish person in the entire world because he never wanted to stop hearing Blaine say it, even if they both meant it in different ways now.

"I love you, too," Kurt replied hesitantly. There were a few seconds of silence before they hung up. Kurt pushed off the wall and went to open the door but Rachel beat him to it and it seemed his absence hadn't made her feel guilty like he wanted.

"This is what I was talking about!" she told him with a dark voice. "Not only are you stopping yourself from moving forward, you are stopping him from doing the same. You are leading him on and it is going to hurt him. Stop it."

"Why don't you mind your own business?" he demanded, shoving past her and stalking to his sectioned off "room". He flopped down on his bed and frowned because he knew she was right. Blaine said 'I love you' to him because he meant it the way he always had. Kurt reciprocated because he wanted Blaine to keep saying it. It was cruel and wrong of him. Maybe he should put a stop to it. After all, if things progressed with Adam, it was going to hurt Blaine regardless but if he let him keep hoping like this…

"I'm such a bad person," Kurt whispered, turning his face into his pillow as his heart twisted in agony.


	5. Good

**Hello everyone! I am so glad people are responding so passionately to this fic! It makes me feeling proud. Here's another chapter. I warn you, you won't like this one very much, but it's essential to my plot. Never fear, everything will be fine eventually but as of right now you won't be happy. Oh and there's a gorgeous flashback to what I imagined would have happened Christmas night after Burt went to sleep. I was so glad nothing in the episode contradicted or ruined what I had written so I can use the episode's events in this story. Enjoy the mostly angst-free chapter, or perhaps the worst chapter depending which way you look at it.  
**

**Thanks so much for all the reviews, follows and favs, you guys are awesome! I appreciate it so much!  
**

**Oh and the new cover... I didn't make the picture but I can't remember where I got it from. It was in my Klaine folder and it was perfect so I just decided to use it. If whoever owns it sees it just know you have full credit for it and I adored it so much I wanted to use it ^.^  
**

* * *

Kurt's self-loathing grew a little over the next week as he found himself having trouble in some of his NYADA classes, including dance. Ms July didn't seem to hate him the way she did Rachel but she knew they were close and treated him with borderline hostility as if the second he stepped out of line she'd pounce. Kurt knew he wasn't the best dancer and he was having a little trouble with this class, especially since he was terrified of doing something to make Cassie treat him the way she did Rachel and if he copped that on top of everything else in his life right now he might have a break down.

Because he wanted so desperately to succeed and show Carmen she hadn't made a mistake accepting him, he used the studio after hours to practise the dance Cassie was teaching them.

He really wasn't having much luck.

After another failed attempt at the middle section which involved a complicated twist and roll across the floor, moving gracefully to his feet again and performing a complicated turn, he gave up.

He was not having a good time.

"Damn it!" he cursed, flopping onto the floor and letting the loud music wash over him until it switched off and he looked around in surprise. "Adam?"

The blonde man was leaning on the bench where the stereo was, looking at Kurt curiously.

"I was just finishing up and heard the music. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who likes to spend time here after everyone else has gone," he mused. "What are you doing?"

"I'm a terrible dancer."

"I highly doubt that." Adam dropped his bag where Kurt's was on the windows and walked over to him. He sat up as Adam dropped gracefully onto the floor to sit opposite him. "It must suck starting halfway through the year and being launched into Cassie's class."

"It does. And she hates my roommate."

"Yes, I'm pretty sure everyone in NYADA knows about that catfight spiralling out of control." Adam chuckled and Kurt smiled automatically. "You know… I'm a pretty good dancer… show me what you're meant to be doing and I might be able to help… I mean, if you want."

Kurt studied Adam closely and a soft smile lit his features. The older man looked so self conscious right then as if he expected Kurt to tell him to go away. He couldn't if he wanted to.

"Okay, here." Kurt got up and blushingly demonstrated the piece of the dance he was having the most trouble with. Adam watched and nodded before getting to his feet and moving over to Kurt. Kurt let out a small huff of surprise when Adam grabbed his waist from behind and led him through the start of the dance.

Kurt knew his face must be bright red as he felt Adam's hands on him. He could feel his body heat through his sweatshirt and he was having trouble breathing.

"Okay, I think I've got it," Kurt managed to gasp out.

"Mmm… I don't think you do," Adam replied, a hint of husk in his voice. He pulled Kurt a little closer and his heart began pounding and he pulled out of Adam's arms, turning to him with wide eyes. Adam stared at him in shock. "Kurt?"

"I'm… I'm so sorry, I just… I'm not a really touchy person I…" Kurt rubbed a hand over his face and groaned in exasperation. "I'm from Ohio, Adam. If I wanted to hold Blaine's hand when I walked down the street we usually had insults hurled at us… sometimes iced beverages."

Adam almost laughed until he realised Kurt was serious. "That's okay… I'm the sorry one. I shouldn't have… that was overstepping, wasn't it?"

Kurt laughed a little. "Just a bit… I mean, I really like you but-"

"Good, I really like you too," Adam murmured, taking a step towards him. Kurt stepped back again and Adam stopped, looking worried.

"I really, _really_ like you but we don't really know each other. I'd really love to get to know you so much better, believe me I would. But this is too much…" Kurt looked sorry and Adam smiled gently, backing away and taking a seat by the windows. Kurt followed him warily. "And… well, there's... I'm not sure if it's a good idea for us to-"

"Is it about your ex?" Adam asked quickly.

"Um… can you not call him that?" Kurt asked quietly. "He's not just my ex. I wish you wouldn't call him that as if it's all he is. It's sound so… dismissive."

Adam frowned softly. "I don't think I really understand your situation with this guy. Kurt, look, I'm so into you. I really want to date you and I hope you want the same but… I think I'd like to know the baggage before we… take whatever this is now further."

Kurt grimaced. "Are you sure you want all the baggage? There's a lot of it."

"Well, start with why this guy is so important to you. If he means so much to you then why are you broken up?" Adam asked. Kurt examined him, realising he wasn't trying to be deprecating to Kurt's relationship with Blaine, he genuinely didn't understand.

"I was… bullied really badly," Kurt explained, going to sit a few feet away from Adam. He folded his legs lotus style and faced him. Adam mirrored his position, eyes alight with interest. "My dad had just had a heart attack and the bullying was the worst it had ever been. It was like nobody noticed or cared because their own problems were too much. Then a friend of mine asked me to spy on our sectionals competition. I was a terrible spy but it was the best decision I ever made."

They both laughed a little before Kurt continued.

"I went to Dalton Academy, an all boys' school in a neighbouring town that seemed like a paradise to me. I kind of got lost and everyone was running in the same direction. I wasn't sure if I should just ask how to find the Warblers, if that would make me obvious. Anyway I eventually tapped someone on the shoulder." Kurt lost himself for a moment in the memory, gazing out the window as he remembered Blaine's bright smile and the little electric shock when they shook hands.

"It was him, I'm guessing." Adam seemed a mixture of amused and adoring at the expression on Kurt's face. He suddenly decided he would do anything to make Kurt look at him that way.

"Yeah, it was," Kurt replied, grinning at him. "He knew right away I was a spy but took me to see him perform Teenage Dream. He sang to me the whole time, showing off." Kurt laughed. "The next day he invited me for coffee and I found out that Dalton had a zero-tolerance for bullying and that Blaine was gay. He helped me with my main bully and basically stood up for me when nobody else had. We were pretty much inseparable from then on. Blaine became my best friend and I fell in love with him. It took him a while to realise he felt the same but in March he figured it out and we were together from then until last October."

Adam watched the happiness fade from Kurt's face. "Did the distance become too much?"

"Sort of… I just… I mean… it was sort of both our faults, communication died and I wasn't there for him when he needed me. And well… he… um… I don't know if I should tell you this… but…" Kurt shifted uncomfortably. "Well… he cheated… on me… with a guy he met on Facebook."

Adam's mouth dropped open and Kurt almost giggled at the expression.

"How could he be so stupid?" Adam demanded and Kurt hated the accusation in his tone.

"Don't judge," Kurt snapped and then bit his lip. "Sorry… I just… I forgave him and we're past it now. We talked about it at Christmas and we're past it. It doesn't matter anymore."

"That explains why you're not together at least. But… he's still your best friend? I don't understand." He looked frustrated.

Kurt smiled. "Well… it's hard to let go of someone who changed you so much and had such an impact on your entire life…" He shrugged. "It was a long conversation and we both cried but it was worth it."

…

_The boys were both silent as they lounged on the couch in front of the TV. They had muted it and were both waiting for Burt's snores to fill the loft before they said or did anything. They both knew it was coming. It was time for the heart-to-heart they knew they had to have. But both were so nervous and had no idea where to start._

_Burt had been asleep for ten minutes when Kurt finally spoke._

_"So…" he said and Blaine looked at him. Kurt blushed at the intensity of his gaze. How could Blaine still do this to him even now? "I think you should start. You said you wanted to tell me everything about what… what happened with that guy. I'm ready to listen."_

_Blaine nodded slowly and sucked in a deep breath before letting it out._

_"Well… I don't know how to say everything I need to," Blaine whispered._

_"Try. I'll listen. Come on." Kurt took Blaine's hand and squeezed it, watching him intently as he waited for the truth to come out. He felt vaguely sick but he needed to hear it all._

_"Okay… Alright before I start just let me say I know I was the one who pushed you to go to New York so nothing I say means I'm trying to blame you. What I did was my own mistake and entirely my fault. I just need you to understand everything I was feeling… alright?"_

_Kurt nodded, feeling nervous now._

_Blaine looked away from him as he started, as if he was easier to get it all out when he didn't look at Kurt. He could almost pretend he was telling Sam again instead of the person he had hurt… until Kurt squeezed his hand every now and then as he spoke._

_"I was so proud of you Kurt, when you got your internship and when you started living your life here, so proud I can't even explain it. I bragged to everyone that my boyfriend was going to make it big in New York and he was going to outshine everyone," Blaine said, smiling slightly. "That was until I realised how consuming your life was becoming. You started missing our phone dates and our skype dates. You started getting too busy to be there for me. I needed you so much, I needed to talk to you and have you listen. I really needed to feel you hold me and wash away everything wrong so that I could feel like I could take on the world. But you didn't have time to do that for me… do you realise you even stopped telling me you loved me?"_

_Blaine glanced at him sideways and Kurt worked his jaw, trying to get words out._

_"I did?" he whispered, pain shooting through him as Blaine nodded, tears in his eyes. "Oh god, Blaine-"_

_"Let me keep going, please." Blaine took a deep breath. "I desperately needed things to be the way they used to be but I could feel it all slipping away. You were moving on with your life and I wasn't a part of it anymore. I hated that. I was so scared that it was all wrong. That everything we ever talked about was pointless because we weren't actually meant to be together for the rest of our lives." He reached his free hand up to wipe tears away. "This guy Eli added me on Facebook. You wanted to know who was and that's it. A guy called Eli who friended me on Facebook. He knew some of the Warblers. Anyway he was flirty and I mostly ignored him but then one morning… do you remember when I called you at work?" Blaine looked at Kurt and he nodded. "I tried to tell you I loved you, I just needed to hear you say it back but you hung up before I could. That morning he invited me to his house. I was disgusted at first but the more I dwelled on you the more scared I became and I suddenly wondered if I should be trying to move forward too. Should I see if I could be with someone else since you were moving on from me?"_

_Blaine shook his head and let out a breath, shivering a little. Kurt shifted closer and swapped the hand holding Blaine's so he could wrap his arm around him and squeeze him tightly._

_"Keep going, it's okay," Kurt murmured gently, resting their heads together._

_Blaine turned and nuzzled his nose against Kurt's face for a moment. Kurt froze but let him until he was ready to talk again._

_"I decided to go there. I knew perfectly well what the expectation was and what the consequences would be but I went anyway," Blaine sighed. "You asked me if we just made out and that isn't the case. We um… well… we did more than kiss but it wasn't… we didn't… I promise I never…" Blaine shook his head desperately and Kurt made a soothing sound._

_"Shh, I understand," he whispered, slightly relieved at the idea that Blaine hadn't had penetrative sex with this guy. That was still something that belonged only to Kurt._

_"Thanks. Anyway… I felt sick the whole time he was touching me. I kept thinking of you and it kept making me feel worse. I almost didn't…" Blaine flushed deep red and Kurt wasn't sure if we wanted to laugh or do a fist pump. Blaine having performance issues because he was with someone who wasn't Kurt… It wasn't funny really but it made him feel a little satisfaction: only he could really get Blaine going. "Anyway, afterwards he pretty much got up and put his clothes on straight away and I started crying. That was the worst part… he just… it was so impersonal – not that I wanted it to be personal but I just, this is me and I like-"_

_Kurt did giggle this time. "Eli wasn't a cuddler?"_

_Blaine shook his head. "Not at all. I got dressed and felt like I was going to puke. It hadn't felt like… anything. Just wrong. Because it wasn't you. It needed to be you to feel good. I knew then that I was wrong. You're… you're meant to be mine. We're meant to be together and I knew that… I booked the first flight I could because I had to tell you. I couldn't stand what I'd done and I needed to be honest because we're always honest. I'm sorry, Kurt, I'm so sorry. I really am, you have to-"_

_"Shh." Kurt pressed a finger to Blaine's lips and made him quiet. He wiped away his tears with gentle fingers. He then tugged Blaine into his arms and let him snuggle against his chest, rocking him and stroking his loose curls comfortingly. He was quiet for a while as he thought. "Okay… first thing is first, I forgive you. You can't lose anymore sleep over this. Thank you for telling me everything, I understand now and I forgive you. But Blaine…" The shorter boy sat up to looked at Kurt, hope shining in his eyes. "You have to forgive yourself too."_

_"I have!"_

_"No you haven't or you wouldn't be so upset right now." Kurt smiled lovingly at him. "If you – if we, want to move forward from this you have to forgive yourself, especially now that I've forgiven you. We both have to grow from what's happened between us, okay?"_

_Blaine nodded slowly._

_"Alright, now I have to apologise and beg _your_ forgiveness," Kurt whispered. Blaine's eyes widened and he shook his head frantically._

_"No Kurt, I told you none if it was your fault! It was me! Just me."_

_"No, it wasn't. We were both in the relationship so we both played a part in it falling to pieces. I should have paid you more attention. I know more than anyone how much you need to be reminded that you're loved. I got too caught up in everything and forgot you. For that I can never be sorry enough. I'll make it up to you, I promise. I won't ever neglect you like that again."_

_Blaine smiled and took Kurt's hand, lifting it to kiss his palm before pressing it to his face. "I forgive you since there's nothing to forgive."_

_"Good… thank you…" Kurt shifted closer and hugged Blaine to him again, just needing to have him in the safety of his arms, to protect him from all the pain he'd been through._

_"Where are we now?" Blaine wondered, his voice small and timid._

_"We're… we're the way we used to be before we were us but more… if that makes sense," Kurt decided._

_"So… we're best friends who've seen each other naked?"_

_Kurt laughed and flicked Blaine's arm, causing him to laugh too and they both basked in the sounds of their laughter mixing together._

_"Sure… We're best friends always, Blaine, but… I'm not ready to give us another shot," Kurt explained. Blaine tried to pull away from him but Kurt refused to let him go. "No, hear me out please. I love you, you know I do… I just don't know if I'm in love with you anymore. You hurt me so badly… I spent weeks hating you, Blaine, _hating_ you. I don't know if my heart has recovered enough to get back together. I need to grow from what's happened… I need to find who I am again since I've been Blaine's Kurt for so long. I need to make sure I can be friends with you again before I see if I can fall in love with you again. Do you understand?"_

_Blaine sighed heavily and clung tightly to Kurt._

_"I do," he whispered and Kurt could feel as he started to cry. "Kurt, I love you so, so much. I always will. And I can wait. I'll wait forever if have to. I'll give you all the time and space you need… just… just don't lie to me about this."_

_Kurt frowned. "What do you mean?"_

_Blaine looked up with tears sparkling on his face and Kurt felt his own tears start at Blaine's heartbroken expression._

_"If you can't ever love me again tell me now so I can get my own space and try to get over you. It would hurt too much to be close to you and love you with no hope," he whispered in a shaking voice. "But… if you think you could love me again one day… then I'll be waiting. I promise."_

_Kurt wiped his eyes and smiled weakly. "I'm not lying. I just need time, okay? I'll try, Blaine, I promise too. But it doesn't matter whether or not we're ever… together again, we'll always be friends alright? You'll always be important and special to me. Always."_

_"Thank you." Blaine collapsed onto Kurt, holding tightly and crying quietly into his chest. "Thank you. Thank you. I love you."_

_Kurt took a shuddering breath and held him close for so long they both fell asleep on the couch, arms tight around each other._

…

Kurt was chewing his lip after he finished. They sat in silence for a long time.

"Well…" Adam sounded odd and Kurt peeked at him. "So… I shouldn't waste my time, is that what you're telling me?"

"No, please don't." Kurt sighed deeply and looked down at his hands. "I'm not sure if… It's difficult. I like you though, so much. Blaine is still special and important to me but… I'm not in love with him, at least I'm pretty sure I'm not. It doesn't feel like it used to… not really. It's painful still so I can't… But I like being around you and I'd… I'd really like for us to…"

Kurt wasn't sure how to articulate what he wanted and he looked back up at Adam to find him leaning forward.

"Tell me to stop," he whispered as he leant closer. He lifted a hand and brought it to Kurt's face. "Is this alright? Does this help you decide if it's alright?"

Kurt felt his heart racing and all thoughts of Blaine mostly vanished from his mind, at least the forefront. Adam leant a little closer until their noses bumped.

"This is… good," Kurt whispered.

"Do you want this?"

Kurt nodded, shutting his eyes and exhaling. "Please."

Adam hesitated only one more second before sealing their mouths together in a kiss. It began slowly, warmth rapidly rushing through Kurt's body and he pressed forward into the kiss, sliding his arms around Adam's shoulders and shifting until he was practically in the elder's lap. Adam's tongue probed at his lips, requesting entrance. Kurt moaned softly and opened his mouth, melting into the kiss as Adam mapped out his mouth, tracing his tongue and teeth eagerly.

All of Kurt's earlier worried were gone as he lost himself to kissing, for the first time since he broke up with Blaine just forgetting himself and allowing himself to feel good.

* * *

Blaine hesitated for only a moment on the Hummel-Hudson doorstep before knocking. It wasn't long before Burt opened the door and greeted him with a bright smile and warm hug. Blaine smiled happily as he followed the congressman into the kitchen. They were discussing the end of the football season exuberantly until Blaine noticed the hamburger and fries Burt had been eating.

"What is that?" he demanded, folding his arms as he looked at the man he hoped to one day call his father-in-law… or at least he would if he wasn't so concerned about Burt hurling himself into an early grave. "Do you have any idea how bad that is for you? Especially in your condition."

Burt cracked a grin instead of complaining as Blaine whisked the food away and hunted in the cupboards for something healthy to cook.

"Just because Carole is working and there's nobody here to watch your diet does not mean you can sneak greasy fast food," Blaine chastised as he started washing potatoes. Burt sat down at the table and watched him with a smug smile. "If I have to I'll cook for you every time Carole works a night shift to make sure you… what?"

Blaine had noticed Burt's expression and blushed.

"Nothing. You're as bad as my son," Burt teased.

"Well… I made him a promise… and I won't ever break another promise to him," Blaine whispered, eyes dropping sadly.

"Hey, kid, it's alright," Burt said gently and Blaine looked back up at him. "We all know how crazy Kurt is about you. He's just stubborn. Everything will be fine, you'll see."

"Yeah… Thanks…"

"For what?" Burt looked confused.

"For not killing me when I… you know." Blaine shrugged helplessly. "I can't believe you still want me around or want me back with Kurt."

"Well…" Burt rubbed his jaw as he thought through his words. "I know you pretty well by now and I know you would never do anything to hurt Kurt on purpose. You basically explained the situation to me and I get it. Things were hard and you made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. What matters is if you try to fix it or not. You've proven yourself to me enough, Blaine. I trust you. There's nobody better for my son."

Blaine practically glowed under the praise and he almost tripped over his feet as he went to Burt for a hug. Burt indulged him, grinning as he patted his back.

"Alright enough of that, go cook my dinner since you threw out what I had before," Burt teased. Blaine straightened up and tried to discreetly wipe his eyes but Burt noticed. He said nothing as Blaine hurried to fix them dinner and chatted about his day and his afternoon getting together with Nick and Jeff, catching them up on everything his life.

Burt watched him with a smile. He really hoped he would be around to see the day that kid officially became his son-in-law. He could just imagine Blaine flitting around his and Kurt's kitchen, cooking for him and chattering like he was now, but interrupted with kisses and loving looks. It was a beautiful image to him.

If only Kurt could catch up to the rest of them and make it happen.

* * *

"So…"

Kurt looked up from where his head was on Adam's shoulder, his breathing still heavy.

"Was that… was I overstepping again?" he wondered warily.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Did I react like you were overstepping?"

"No, but I had to check. I don't want to mess this up." Adam pushed him up so he could look him in the eyes. "So… that was alright then? It didn't make you feel worse?"

"No… it made some things pretty clear," Kurt smiled. He was feeling a bit lighter now.

"Like what?"

"I can move on with my life, it won't kill me," Kurt ticked off. "And it's not impossible to feel good with somebody else."

Adam's face broke into a bright, happy smile.

"So… will you let me take you to dinner? Tomorrow night?"

Kurt's own smile grew. "Absolutely."

Adam beamed at him and pulled him in for yet another breathtaking kiss that Kurt allowed himself to once again get lost in.


	6. Secret

**Hey there. Just a warning: severe sadness will result from this chapter. Everyone make sure to give Blaine lots of cuddles, he needs them, trust me. Anyway, thank you all for the wonderful reviews, they make my day, seriously! I finished my Christmas shopping today and came home with lots of inspiration so enjoy what I wrote for you.  
**

**Lessthanthree :)  
**

* * *

Kurt was on Cloud Nine.

It had been so long since he'd experienced the delicious and oh-so-wonderful feeling of blossoming love. Although he wasn't sure if _love_ was where he was right now there was no denying the growing attraction and feelings he had for Adam.

Their first date had been incredible. Adam had taken him to a cute little diner designed to look like they'd stepped back into the 1950's where the waitress kept gushing over how cute it was that Adam ordered for Kurt and refused to let him pay. Afterwards he'd taken Kurt to see a movie where Kurt had tentatively lifted up the arm rest between them and snuggled into his side, even daring to share a few tiny kisses throughout the movie since this was New York and they were hidden in the back of the dark cinema. The whole thing was just perfect and he'd come home to Rachel waiting up to hear about it and told her everything. He'd also gotten halfway through dialling Blaine's number before he remembered that that wasn't a good idea… he'd rather wait until things became official before he hurt his best friend that way.

At the end of their third date Kurt turned to Adam for his goodnight kiss and gasped when he was gently pressed into the wall and the taller man's mouth was on his, their lips moving hotly against each other as Kurt became lightheaded, pulling Adam closer to mould their bodies together.

Adam pulled away to gasp in a breath of air.

"Please be my boyfriend," he groaned before capturing Kurt's mouth in a deeper kiss, his tongue coaxing Kurt's out to take part in the kiss, making the teen moan softly. He pulled away after a few seconds.

"Really?" he wondered, glasz eyes stunned.

"Say yes," Adam breathed, blue eyes piercing as they stared into Kurt's.

"Yes," Kurt replied and yanked him back into another heady kiss until they heard Rachel's voice begin singing and the atmosphere was ruined. Adam chuckled and kissed Kurt once more before stepping away and smoothing out the creases Kurt had put in his shirt. Kurt remained leaning on the wall, waiting for his legs to stop shaking before he tried to put more weight on them.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow," Adam murmured, unable to keep the smile from his face.

"Yeah, tomorrow," Kurt replied, watching him leave with a dazed smile before stumbling into the apartment and jumping into Rachel's arms excitedly.

It turned out Adam met him right where Kurt and Rachel walked onto the campus every day. He hugged Kurt tightly and kissed him, Rachel beaming at them excitedly as they walked hand-in-hand into the school. Kurt couldn't believe he could actually do this when Adam kissed him as he dropped him off at his morning dance class. He could be openly coupley with his boyfriend here. It was amazing.

They'd been together officially for one week, seeing each other for three, when Burt called to remind him about his birthday and ask if he was coming home. Kurt confirmed excitedly as he hadn't seen his Dad since Christmas, and immediately sent Adam a text asking if he would like to go home with him. His boyfriend called him a minute later.

"As in Lima?" was the first thing he said when Kurt answered. He sounded weird.

"Uh… yeah… oh my god, it's too soon for you to meet my family isn't it? That was so stupid! Moving too fast! Forget I said anything. I'm sorry," Kurt babbled, preparing to hang up.

"Whoa, hey no!" Adam protested. "I was just surprised. Do you want me to meet your family?"

"Yeah… My dad's birthday is in two weeks. I'm going home and I wondered if you might like to come?" Kurt whispered.

"I would love to. Yes, it's a bit fast but I don't care. I'm crazy about you, Kurt, I'm glad you feel proud enough of me to introduce me to your family." He sounded so happy that Kurt knew he'd made the right decision. They talked for hours until Kurt was too tired before saying goodnight. Everything seemed to be falling into place for him.

The only problem was Blaine…

* * *

In February it was Burt's birthday and in the two weeks leading up to it, Blaine was practically bouncing everywhere he went. Kurt was coming home for the event and Burt had invited Blaine to join them. He couldn't get over his excitement. The night Kurt called and informed him he would be coming home he had gone to sleep holding Margaret Thatcher Dog and planning exactly how he was going to remind Kurt how much he loved him without making him uncomfortable. Something special… something that reminded Kurt of _them_ and all of their memories without pushing him to do anything. It needed to be perfect.

And Blaine had a great idea of just what he needed to do. But he might need a little help.

He spent the lead up planning everything to the smallest detail. He wondered if he was becoming obsessive compulsive (until he remembered what Miss Pillsbury's office looked like and knew he was a long way off OCD).

His happiness radiated off him so that any of his friends who were around him at any one point were just as happy as he was. It made some of them spend a lot more time with him just to be around his bright, hopeful atmosphere.

"Good afternoon, Mrs Rose!" Blaine chirped as he reached her in the lunch line, scanning the foods to decide what he wanted to eat.

"Hi, Blaine," she replied, smiling. "You seem rather chipper today… it's good. It's nice to see you smiling for a change. I would have thought since it's Valentine's today…"

Blaine laughed. True, it was saddening to him to think he was spending Valentine's Day without Kurt but nothing could dampen his spirits so he decided to explain so to Mrs Rose.

"Kurt's coming home this weekend, he'll be here tomorrow night," Blaine whispered conspiratorially. "I'm planning this amazing not-date for us on Saturday to remind him of all the good things about when we were together. I'm taking him to one of our special places for a picnic and our old friends are going to help me serenade him."

Marley's mother gave Blaine a warm look as she placed spaghetti on his plate.

"That sounds wonderful," she decided. "Think it'll work?"

Blaine shrugged. "I don't know. It's worth a try. But regardless. I get to see him. I get to hug him. He's going to be here, not in New York. I can't ask for anything more wonderful."

With that he practically skipped off – the lunch lady shaking her head with a smile – to get a brownie for dessert and pay for his food, joining the others at their table, sliding in beside Marley.

"Your mum thinks my plans for this weekend are good," he told her, unable to wipe the smile off his face.

"They are," Marley agreed. "I really hope everything goes well… I don't think I want to see you stop smiling since we went so long without it."

Blaine blushed a little, touched. "I'll try to keep happy. It just depends what happens when he's here. How long until Friday night?"

The others laughed and Brittany kindly informed him that he had over twelve hours until he would see Kurt, but she did so with a twinkle in her eye that told Blaine she was incredibly happy for him. He looked down at his food with a dreamy expression. Soon he would be able to hold Kurt in his arms again and begin wooing him. He had a lot of hope since Kurt hadn't mentioned Adam again after the first time and he had a good feeling about his plans. He would do anything to get Kurt back, absolutely anything.

* * *

"Kurt, you're not leaving until lunch tomorrow, why are you packing now?" Rachel wondered, watching Kurt fold clothes into his bag.

"I'm filling in time until Adam gets here," Kurt replied. "I hope he doesn't leave his packing until the last minute."

It was Valentine's Day and Rachel was going out with Brody while Adam was coming to their place. Kurt had been cooking since he got home and was ready for a romantic evening with his boyfriend of three weeks. It wouldn't be anything over the top since it was still so early on but Kurt had a good feeling about this date.

"So… this party at Callbacks," Kurt added. "Think it'll be good?"

"If it's anything like the Sugar Shack last year," Rachel laughed. Kurt laughed too and an image of Blaine with a heart-shaped eye-patch popped into his head. He remembered singing Love Shack with him. He remembered celebrating the return of Blaine's depth perception in the back seat of his car in an abandoned parking lot after the party had ended.

He shook his head, trying to rid himself of those thoughts. Memories were bad right now. He was supposed to be focusing on his new relationship, making new memories with a new guy.

"Okay, well, I'm off!" Rachel chirped, checking the time. "Is he staying here tonight so you can go to the airport together?"

"Um… no," Kurt blushed. "He's going home. It's too soon for him to stay over."

Rachel rolled her eyes with a grin and a wink before striding away. He heard the door open and close and sank down on his bed beside his half-packed bag. He was still annoyed with Rachel. She'd been acting so smug since he'd started dating Adam and it was getting on his nerves. He wasn't forgetting about Blaine, no way, but Rachel thought since he was talking about him less…

Kurt was just worried about letting something slip so he'd limited the amount of time he spoke to his best friend. He was going to tell Blaine this weekend, he promised himself. He wouldn't keep him in the dark forever. He'd just needed more time. But this weekend was as good a time as any. And since Adam was there they could meet. Kurt wanted – no, he _needed_ them to like and accept each other.

He had no more time to dwell on it when he heard a knock on the door and rushed to answer it. Adam smiled at him and produced a bouquet of deep red roses from behind his back along with a box of chocolates.

"It's cliché, I know, but since we haven't even been together a whole month yet I figured this was the way to go," Adam said with a hopeful smile.

Kurt accepted the flowers and kissed Adam quickly before smelling them.

"They're gorgeous," he said. "I love them. Your gift is in my room just let me put these in water and I'll get it."

He'd gotten Adam (and himself really since if his boyfriend didn't take him he'd be pissed) tickets to _Cinderella_ on Broadway after he heard him express a desire to see it after reading the reviews from when it first opened. Adam jumped up and down childishly and kissed Kurt enthusiastically.

"Thank you, gorgeous," he murmured.

"No problem," Kurt blushed, heading into the kitchen to get everything on the table for his dinner. He placed his flowers in the living area before lighting the candles on the dining table. "So… who are you going to take?"

"You know, maybe I should take Aleisha, this is the kind of thing she'd love," Adam mused, a teasing light in his eyes. Kurt glared at him until he burst out laughing. "Oh relax, who else would I take but you?"

"Good," Kurt replied before turning to pick up the last dish. "Come on, before everything gets cold."

"Thank you for cooking for me," Adam murmured, walking around behind Kurt and pulling his chair out. "It's so much more special than going out for our first Valentine's Day."

Kurt smiled, loving the way he said that as if he was planning on there being more Valentine's Days for them. It was a lovely image, celebrating more special days with Adam.

_"It's our first Christmas together."_

_"The first of many."_

Kurt blinked rapidly, shaking yet another memory from his mind. What was with him today? It was probably because he knew he'd be home the next night, he'd be able to see Blaine. That's all it was. The idea of seeing him and telling him he'd moved on was bringing back memories. Everything would be okay after the weekend. He was determined to hold onto Blaine but he knew he'd have to give him some time to get used to the idea that Kurt was with somebody else. Once Blaine had dealt with it and they were able to be close again everything would be perfect.

Kurt met Adam's eyes with a smile.

He would be able to keep them both, he knew he would. Everything would be fine.

* * *

They had both taken the day off school so they could be in Lima by that night. They touched down in Columbus and rented a car. Burt had originally wanted to pick him up but Kurt refused. He'd rather introduce Adam in the comfort of his home instead of an airport in Ohio.

Adam was interested by Lima when they finally reached there.

"So this is where you grew up?" he wondered.

"Yeah… it sucked… yet, it still feels…" Kurt waved his hand vaguely and Adam laughed.

"Yeah, I feel the same way about Bath," Adam nodded. Kurt smiled. "It'll always be home no matter how much I love New York. There's just something wonderful about the English countryside and villages."

Kurt sighed as he imagined it. "You have to take me one day."

"I promise."

Soon enough they pulled up outside Kurt's house. Kurt shot Adam a nervous smile and he squeezed Kurt's hand in return.

"I'll be fine," he assured Kurt.

"My dad really likes Blaine," Kurt warned. "I don't know how well he'll handle this."

Adam rolled his eyes, still smiling. He took off his seatbelt and leant over to Kurt, gently taking his face between his hands. He kissed Kurt's forehead, each of his cheeks, his nose and finally his lips.

"Do you like me?" Adam questioned.

Kurt frowned. "Of course I do. I'm with you aren't I?"

"Then I'll be fine," Adam repeated. "Let's get this over with."

Kurt nodded and undid his own seatbelt, getting out of the car and smiling nostalgically at his house. He loved that house... but he hadn't actually been back there for a long time. Since before he and Blaine broke up. He stayed with Rachel when he came back for Grease since his dad had been in DC. Kurt was suddenly nervous for more than just his dad meeting Adam. He didn't want Adam in his room. _He_ didn't want to go into his old room. He knew as soon as he did he would just be assaulted with memories. Especially of the last night before he went to New York.

He also wasn't sure if he could use the shower or bath.

Or sit on the couch.

Look at the wall next to the front door.

Wow... he and Blaine had had sex in a lot of places in that house and he didn't really want to see any of them.

"Hey... something wrong?"

Adam had joined him with their bags and he was looking at Kurt worriedly. Kurt frowned, biting down on his lower lip. Could he tell Adam? No. He couldn't do that. That made it sound like he wasn't over Blaine when he clearly was. Besides, did his new boyfriend really need to be thinking about all of the things Kurt had done with his ex boyfriend? No. He would just keep his mouth shut and suffer in silence.

"I'm fine," Kurt replied, forcing a smile on his face. "Come on." He led Adam through the garden and rang the doorbell. Hah! He was ringing his own doorbell.

"Kurt!" Carole trilled, ripping open the door and enveloping him into a hug before he even had time to formulate a greeting. Kurt laughed and held his step-mother tightly, not realising exactly how much he had missed her until right then.

"Hi Carole," Kurt finally breathed as she released him and held him at arm's length to look him over. She spotted Adam and confusion followed by curiosity crossed her face.

"Hello," she said.

"Hi Mrs Hummel," Adam replied with a dazzling smile. Kurt recognised it as his stage smile.

"Carole this is Adam Walsh," Kurt introduced. "Adam this is my step-mum Carole."

"Hi, Adam, it's so nice to meet you," Carole said, extending her hand for a handshake. She gave Kurt a narrow-eyed look of suspicion as she ushered them inside. Kurt ignored it. He was more worried about how they would react to this than he'd told Adam.

Finn and Burt came out of the kitchen and had their turns crushing Kurt in hugs.

"I missed you so much, kid," Burt chuckled, patting his shoulder as he let him go. He looked over at Adam. "So this is your guest? I'm Burt Hummel." He walked over for a handshake.

"Dad, this is Adam Walsh... he's my boyfriend," Kurt said. Silence fell over Kurt's family and Burt froze mid handshake with Adam. He stared at the smiling man whose face became worried when nobody said anything.

"Dude," Finn whispered, staring at Kurt with wide eyes. Kurt rubbed his arm.

"Well," Burt finally said, clearing his throat at a meaningful look from his wife. "It's nice to meet you Adam. Why don't you take your things upstairs? Finn can show you where to put them and where you'll be sleeping."

Kurt avoided his father's eyes when he turned to look at him with folded arms.

"Kitchen," Burt said gruffly.

"Dad," Kurt protested as he went. "I'm an adult. Are you really going to play any of your old cards?"

"Not at all though he does look significantly older than you," Burt grumbled.

"He's twenty-two, it's not that old," Kurt responded. "Look, I'm out of the house, I have my own life now. I-"

"Kurt, that's not my issue. You can have boyfriends," Burt interrupted, holding a hand up. "My issue with this is the fact that for one you didn't tell me and I invited Blaine to join us for dinner tonight."

"You _what_?" Kurt shouted. "Dad, how could you do that without telling me?"

"I didn't think you'd mind. You guys are on speaking terms and you know how lonely the kid gets. I thought it would be nice for him to spend time with you. It always makes him happy," Burt shrugged helplessly. "I guess he'll just have to make nice."

"Dad!" Kurt groaned. "Blaine doesn't even know about Adam. I haven't told him yet."

Burt's eyes widened and he suddenly looked a little annoyed. "Why exactly? You didn't think it would be nice to tell him that you'd moved on? You know how crazy he is about you."

"Of course I do! That's _why_ I didn't tell him!" Kurt pressed his hands to his eyes, fighting back the urge to scream in frustration. "I was going to tell him eventually! Just not right now! God, Dad! How could you do this? This will kill him!"

"I'm aware. If you'd told me you were bringing a _boyfriend_ not just a _guest_ then I wouldn't have!" Burt responded.

"Oh, Dad..." Kurt sighed. "When's he getting here?"

They heard the sound of Carole making small talk as Adam returned downstairs and joined her in the living room. Burt frowned unhappily. He opened his mouth to answer when the doorbell sounded.

"Now."

Kurt needed to kick something badly.

"I will handle this," he said. He heard Finn greeting Blaine enthusiastically.

"I didn't recognise the car in the drive," Blaine was saying as Kurt took a deep breath, rushing out to stop him before he saw Adam but made it to the living room just as Blaine and Finn came in and Adam got up when Kurt appeared.

"Kurt!" Blaine said at the same time Adam did, drawing their attention to each other. Adam took a step over to Kurt and put his hand on his arm.

Finn, Carole and Burt all looked really uncomfortable as Adam stared at Blaine and Blaine looked between Kurt and Adam who refused to meet anybody's eyes. Kurt eventually peeked up at Blaine who glanced between them once more, his eyes stopping on Adam's hand which appeared almost possessive on his bicep.

Blaine's eyes lifted up to Kurt's and Kurt felt a blow in his stomach at the look of betrayal he found shining loud and clear through the hazel.

"Blaine, dear, how are you?" Carole said suddenly, trying to break the awkward silence. Blaine only glanced at her slightly.

"I'm... great," he replied softly. "And I... um... I just remembered, I have some things I need to take care of. Thank you for the invitation but I really should be going."

With one last tear-filled look directed at Kurt, Blaine turned and left the living room. Finn half-turned as if to stop him but didn't move any more. It took the front door slamming shut for Kurt to snap out of it.

"Blaine!" he shouted and shook Adam's hand off as he raced after him. He pulled the front door open and ran down from the porch as Blaine was getting to his car. "Blaine, wait!"

Blaine froze with his hand on the door handle. Kurt stopped several feet from him and watched as Blaine's shoulders trembled and he turned around to look at Kurt.

"I'm really, really happy for you," Blaine whispered. "You two look really good together."

"Blaine, wait a second, I just-"

"Please. Don't." Blaine's voice was soft but the heartbreak in it made it worse than if he'd shouted. "I really do have to go. Have a good weekend."

"Blaine..."

Blaine turned away and got into his car. Kurt could feel pieces of his heart falling away as he watched Blaine drive off. He managed to hold it together until he saw the younger boy lift a hand to wipe at his eyes as he backed onto the road and pulled away. A tear escaped Kurt's eyes and he felt like going and belting his head against something hard. He should have told Blaine so he didn't have to have the news shoved in his face like that.

"Bro?"

Kurt looked around as Finn came to join him.

"He hates me," Kurt said brokenly.

"Nah. Of course he doesn't. He's just... hurt, I guess." Finn shrugged. "I'll get Sam to check on him later."

"Thank you..."

"Now, come on before everyone dies from awkwardness in there."

Nothing got better after that. Dinner was tense despite Carole's best efforts to encourage conversation. Kurt was furious with himself and kept glancing at his phone to check for texts from Sam letting him know how Blaine was doing. Finn kept throwing what he thought were subtle looks of unhappiness at Adam. Burt said absolutely nothing and chose to simply watch Kurt and Adam, silently judging.

Adam was the worst. He answered all Carole's questions but his tone was clipped which told Kurt he was annoyed about something.

Kurt didn't find out until they went upstairs after dinner. Kurt followed Adam to his room and tried not to wince as the familiar smell invaded his senses, bringing back memories of lazy weekends tangled with Blaine in the sheets, sweaty bodies pressed together, trading slow kisses and loving touches. Adam sat on the bed and Kurt tried not to compare the images.

"You didn't tell your ex about us," he said stiffly.

Kurt shook his head, folding his arms and looking anywhere but at Adam.

"Why?"

Kurt frowned and walked over to his old vanity, sitting down and turning to face Adam.

"For the very reason that I knew he'd react the way he did," Kurt responded. "I knew it would hurt him. I didn't want to do that."

"The guy _cheated_ on you, Kurt, you don't owe him anything," Adam said, still sounded just as annoyed as he had downstairs.

"Blaine is my best friend! I refuse to lose him over this!" Kurt protested, getting a little annoyed himself. "He will always be a part of my life! I thought you accepted that!"

"I thought you were going to tell him about us!"

"I was waiting for the right time. I planned to maybe meet him for coffee and let him know and then introduce you two. I didn't want it to go like that. I wanted to break it gently so he wouldn't..." Kurt sniffed and angrily wiped away the tears that escaped without his consent. His breath shuddered when he drew in another one. "I hate it when he's in pain. If you knew him you would too."

Adam didn't reply to that but his expression didn't change.

"Do your parents invite him for dinner a lot?" he wondered.

"Once a week, sometimes more if they can manage it," Kurt said honestly, continuing before Adam could get worked up again. "He has a hard home life. His parents aren't around very much and his dad's not the most supportive of his sexuality. Dad and Carole like to make sure he's doing okay. Especially since we broke up and he stopped eating for a while. They care about him. He's family."

Adam's expression had softened slightly. "I see... My Dad isn't the best about the gay thing either. You're so lucky, Kurt."

"I know." Kurt sniffed and wiped more tears. "I want you to like Blaine. He's wonderful."

Adam made a derisive noise. "I don't know if I can when I know he wants you back. But I am sorry... I didn't mean to get angry. I just thought you'd already told him. I should have realised you wouldn't just do it carelessly, you'd want to do it in person."

Kurt nodded. Adam studied him and then groaned.

"God, I made you cry, I am so sorry, come here." He held out his arms and Kurt went to him immediately, sitting on his lap and sighing happy as he was wrapped in his boyfriend's strong arms. Adam rocked him gently as he pressed a kiss to Kurt's temple. "I'm sorry."

"I am too. I should have mentioned that he didn't know yet." Kurt sighed sadly. "This is so messed up."

Adam chuckled. "Would you like me to distract you?"

Kurt frowned but didn't get a chance to respond when Adam tilted his head back and kissed him. Kurt smiled into the kiss, melted against Adam and opening his mouth to allow his tongue entrance. Adam's hands moved from his face to his hips and he shifted Kurt until he was on the mattress without breaking the kiss and pushing him to lie back. Kurt moaned softly as Adam's weight settled on him and he wrapped his arms around the older man, pulling him closer.

Adam's hands busied themselves with pushing Kurt's shirt up so he could trace his fingers along the smooth skin of the younger's hips. He moved slightly on top of Kurt, pulling his mouth away to nip along the edge of his jaw. As he shifted his hardening member pressed against Kurt's leg and he froze.

"Stop," Kurt mumbled. Adam made a sound meaning he hadn't heard. Kurt took his boyfriend's shoulders and pushed him up. "Please, stop. I can't. Not here."

Adam sat back and looked down at Kurt who got off the bed and backed away slightly shaking his head. In his mind the hands on his body hadn't been Adam's. The lips hadn't been Adam's. The body was the crux though because he was too big to be Blaine and the conflicting sensations were just too much.

Kurt wondered if he was about to throw up.

"Was... was that too much?" Adam wondered softly.

Kurt looked up and noticed he looked distinctly hurt but also worried.

"No, no of course not," Kurt murmured. "It's just... not here." He waved his hands around. "I can't here, it's... wrong."

"Because it's your parents' house?"

"No because in that bed, in my shower and even on the couch downstairs I've already made memories and I just... I can't... I'm sorry, but I can't..." Kurt felt himself getting tearful again and he really wished they hadn't come here, that they'd just stayed in New York. "I'm so sorry." He covered his eyes and then Adam was there, gently pulling his hands away.

"It's alright, Kurt," he murmured softly. Kurt looked up at him and Adam brushed away his tears. "I'm not saying I understand, because I really don't not after this guy cheated on you, I don't understand why you're clinging to everything so desperately. But it is alright, I promise."

"Thank you," Kurt sighed.

"Don't you think it might be time to make some new memories?" Adam wondered.

Kurt looked at his bed and a distinct image of Blaine's wild curls on his side of the bed popped into his mind. He thought of running his fingers through those curls. Blaine's lips and fingers tracing every curve and dip of his body as if he was a fragile artwork that needed to be handled with utmost care and worshipped eternally.

"Yeah... yeah, I do," Kurt agreed, shutting his eyes. He needed to forget or else he would never let go properly. Adam smiled happily and just as he leant towards Kurt there was a knock at the door. Kurt groaned. "Yes?"

"Burt wanted me to remind you of his open door rule," Finn's voice said and he opened the door warily as if we worried he would yet again walk in on a scarring image. He looked more relieved than ever that he hadn't. Kurt wondered if he didn't particularly like Adam. "Oh and he wants to know if either of you want coffee?"

Finn glared at Adam once more before he left and Kurt sighed. Yes, he definitely didn't like him.

* * *

"Fuck it. Fuck all of it!" Blaine cursed, the words barely distinguishable through his huffing breath and choked sobs as he danced around his punching bag, ripping into it with more fury and energy than he had since he got home from New York those months ago. "Fuck him. Fuck whatever the fuck his name is. Fuck love. Fuck it all!"

How could he have been so stupid? How could he have possibly believed Kurt would ever take him back after what he did? When there were far more attractive and talented men at his school who were more sophisticated and interesting than stupid, dapper Blaine Devon Anderson from Lima, Ohio?

He let the pain tear through his body and released it into his assault on the bag until it just exploded out of him as he fell to his knees, tears dripping from his cheeks onto the floor as he punched his fist repeatedly into the hard concrete, screaming loudly and wordlessly as he did so.

"Blaine?"

He stopped his noise and actioned but didn't change his position as he heard the stairs creak.

"I thought you were having dinner with Kurt's family tonight…" His dad sounded both confused and concerned, a first Blaine realised. "If I'd known you were going to be home I would have come to have dinner with you. I finished early and went for drinks… I'm sorry… have you eaten?"

"What does it matter?" Blaine spat. "It would be like every other dinner we've ever had: silent and pointless. You don't give a damn about anything I have to say and vice versa."

He stood up, keeping his back to his dad so he couldn't see the tears, sure he couldn't distinguish them in his voice. He wondered if he would get shouted at for his words as he ripped his gloves off and hurled them towards the wall.

"What's wrong?" Nathan Anderson's tone was firm and hard. No nonsense. "Turn around now, Blaine."

Blaine took a shuddering breath, his shoulders hunched as he turned around. He refused to look his dad in the face but he heard his sharp intake of breath as he took in Blaine's appearance. Blaine waited for him to tell him to 'man up' and 'stop crying like a girl' instead he was shocked when his father crossed the basement and pulled him into his arms.

Blaine gasped out another sob and wrapped his arms tightly around his father's waist, pressing his face into his crisp work shirt as he started to cry uncontrollably. It had been a long time since his father hugged him. A very long time. He still smelt the same though, the cologne hadn't changed since it was a favourite of his mother's. His arms were still strong and, despite the distance between them in the last few years, protective and warm.

Nathan ran a hand over Blaine's hair which had sprung free from it's gel.

"Come on, I think we should talk," he murmured. He unlatched Blaine from him and took him upstairs. He forced Blaine to shower and when Blaine returned downstairs he was forced onto the couch with a blanket and mug of hot chocolate. He teared up again when he finally looked at his dad to find his hazel eyes burning with concern.

"Dad… I… I didn't mean it-"

"Yes you did and it's okay. I know… things have been hard but…" Nathan struggled for a moment. "Watching you filling out your college applications last year, having you ask to go to New York for Christmas… I realised that soon you're going to be gone and I have wasted so much time with you…" He shook his head sadly. "I want to make up for it so if you're willing… will you tell me what's wrong? I don't think I've ever seen you so upset."

Blaine ducked his head, wiping tears away again. He breathed in deeply, body shivering in the aftermath of his break down.

Blaine hesitated. "Dad… am I a bad person? Do I not deserve happiness?" He looked up with tear-filled eyes that broke his father's heart. His son was too young to look like he'd lost the entire world. "Why, every time I think I've found something good, does the world see fit to rip it from my hands and ruin my life?"

He started crying again and Nathan went to his side, pulling him into his arms and letting him cry as he told him everything from pushing Kurt to go to New York to when he'd arrived at the Hudson-Hummel house hours ago to find that Kurt had a new boyfriend, a fact that he'd kept from Blaine.

"I don't know what to do anything," Blaine whispered as he finished his story. "I've never felt so horrible… I feel like I'm being torn apart from the inside out…"

"I know, buddy, I know it hurts. You just let it out, okay? I'm not going anywhere."

Blaine clung to his father and lost himself to the pain.


	7. Goodbye

**I nearly cried when I saw the number of reviews, I'm so glad people are liking this.  
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**Okay guys, just a warning this has been upped to M, you all know what that means, skip it if you don't want to read it. There is a note at the end of the chapter I really want you guys to read because I have things I need to say and don't want to say them before you read what happens. Sorry in advance for anyone who is upset by this chapter, it upset me writing it (I had acoustic Teenage Dream on repeat while I wrote so I was in tears by the end of it).  
**

**Some replies: **

**(Nightingale? Is that you I'm guessing due to the copious anger at Adam?):  
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**Guest on Chapter 5: Haha, I figured you wouldn't be happy. I'm glad you liked the flashback, it was nice to write because it was Klaine at their finest, being open and completely honest with each other, also unable to resist cuddling when they're both upset :) Adam thinks he can make Kurt not confused anymore by giving him another option, of course it doesn't work like that and he's really just making things worse, but as of this point his heart is in the right place even if it's not the right thing to do. But Kurt is happy for the moment, I don't want to take that away from him... yet :P  
**

**Guest on chapter 6: YES! I am so glad somebody picked that up, that IS what Kurt is falling in love with, thank you so much for seeing it ^.^ Yes, everything is rather messed up. Kurt's never been in a situation like this and he really isn't sure what he's supposed to do (and he has Rachel in his ear telling him to forget Blaine and move on to Adam) you probably will be even more furious with Kurt after this chapter, sorry, all will be explained though. Well, yes, Adam was unpleasant and yes his action of pretty much stating that Kurt is his in front of Blaine was on purpose (he's seen Blaine's picture remember, he knew who he was and Adam feels insecure about Blaine so he needed some kind of advantage), he's worried about losing Kurt (and rightly so) so he's doing whatever he can to keep him. And you're right, Sam won't be calling Kurt. But Sam couldn't get onto Blaine who pegged his phone at the wall in anger (I think he needs a new one :P). Don't worry, next chapter Blaine gets the support he needs and I needed Blaine's dad to try to make amends, I mean I'm sure he would realise with his son going away to college soon that he can't waste any more time with him and Blaine really needs somebody right now so, daddy's nice now!**

**Thank you very much for your very insightful reviews, they were so great to read!  
**

**Another Guest on Ch 6****: Well, they're not angry (Finn is, he feels a certain loyalty to Blaine) they're just surprised and a little disappointed in the way Kurt handled the situation. Burt's not angry he's just worried about Kurt's admittedly self-destructive way of handling this situation. He also really loves Blaine and is a little annoyed about Kurt keeping him in the dark so that it ended up hurting him the way it did.**

**Yet another guest on Ch 6: Don't worry, I'll make it all work out well enough in the end. You'll probably be very upset at the end of this chapter and for that I am so sorry but it's all in the name of progress.  
**

**tammy lynnea: Then you won't like this chapter... sorry in advance  
**

* * *

Blaine slept for a very long time that night and didn't wake up until his mother knocked on his bedroom door and crept in quietly. He glanced up at her sleepily, his eyes tired and itchy from all the crying the previous day and the long hours sleeping.

"Hi, sweetie, how are you feeling?" she wondered, smoothing his hair back from his forehead. Blaine made an unhappy noise and she grimaced. Jane Anderson hated seeing her baby boy in pain. Nathan had told her everything when she'd arrived home only to be shocked to see Blaine fast asleep in his father's arms, eyes puffy and red showing he'd been crying for a long time. She really felt for Blaine right then, knowing how much he must hate himself for his own mistakes and having the pain of rejection on top of that.

"Well... some of your friends from Dalton are downstairs looking for you. I can tell them to go if you're not up to seeing them..."

Blaine frowned. Why would there be Warblers here?

Then he remembered his big plans for that day and he looked at his clock. Eleven am... of course they would be wondering why he hadn't met them yet. Blaine's eyes burned with the need to cry but he was physically incapable of shedding another tear. However that didn't stop the hitch in his breath or the pain shredding through his chest. His shoulders shook as he sat up.

"I'll go see them," he whispered, voice shuddering.

Jane nodded and hugged him tightly before leaving to let him make himself presentable. Blaine went into his bathroom and looked at his reflection, hating it. He looked as pathetic as he knew he was. His hair was crazy, curly and sticking up in every direction. His eyes were bloodshot and dull, the skin under them shadowed and baggy. He looked pale as if he'd been sick for a week.

He decided just to comb his hair with some water to make it more presentable but stayed in his baggy sweatpants and the oversized, long-sleeved v-neck that had been Kurt's and still vaguely smelt of him. He was wearing it to punish himself... but it also provided some semblance of comfort. Being surrounded in Kurt's smell meant he could close his eyes and pretend Kurt was holding him and everything was back to normal.

He trudged downstairs with his bare feet and grimaced when he found Nick, Jeff and Jon waiting in the living room.

"Dude! Where have you been?" Jon demanded when they realised he was there but then he tensed as Nick and Jeff jumped to their feet at his appearance.

"Oh no," Jeff whispered at the same time Nick demanded, "What happened?"

"He brought his new boyfriend home," Blaine whispered, looking at the carpet, eyes burning again. He wanted to cry but at the same time he hated his weakness. He choked out a dry sob as Nick rushed over to hug him tightly. Blaine's arms ended up pinned to his sides as Jeff and Jon joined in.

"I'm so sorry," Nick whispered.

"I thought he was... I thought he would... We were supposed to..." Blaine shut his eyes tightly and sobbed brokenly, his eyes trying desperately to provide tears that didn't exist. He really needed to drink some water and hydrate himself since he didn't have enough water in his body to cry.

The boys seemed to realise this and Jeff disappeared only to return with a tall glass of water and order Blaine to drink all of it. They made him sit and he told them what happened in a monotone.

"He'd spoken about this guy Adam _once_," Blaine whispered. "Just once. He didn't bring him up even though I asked once if anything had happened. He said no. He _lied_ to me. I thought since he didn't talk about him that he was over it and was still working on his feelings for me. I'm so stupid."

"No, you're not," Jon disagreed.

Nick nodded in agreement. "He told you that he wanted to give you another chance one day. You weren't stupid in waiting when he gave you the hope that you could."

"That's right, this is his fault," Jeff said and Blaine shot him a look so dark that the blonde recoiled. "I mean... if he was going to move on, he should have told you. It's unfair."

Blaine shook his head. "It's my stupid fault for hoping. For believing he's meant to be mine. He can't be mine if he doesn't want me anymore, if he doesn't care enough to warn me that he's bringing his stupid new boyfriend home with him. I spent weeks dreaming about seeing him and this is what I get? I wasn't even depressed the other day because-" Blaine froze. "Valentine's Day..."

The boys watched him warily as Blaine's face ran through a rainbow of colours as he realised that Thursday was Valentine's Day and he spent the whole night going through photos and remembering every moment he'd ever shared with Kurt. While Kurt was spending Blaine's favourite holiday, the holiday of love, with another man. With someone older... and more experienced... someone who could do things to him Blaine probably didn't even know about... who was allowed to touch him and love him when Blaine wasn't... Oh god, what they could have been doing while Blaine pathetically cuddling with a toy dog in Kurt's old shirt, fantasising about seeing him again...

Blaine bolted from the room before any of them could stop him and started retching and dry heaving over the toilet in the downstairs bathroom. There was nothing in his stomach to throw up but it still tried, contracting and heaving painfully.

"Blaine, what's wrong?" Jeff asked worriedly, rubbing his back. Blaine could hear his mother and Nick panicking while Jon and his father tried to calm them down. "Blaine?"

Blaine sobbed brokenly again, curling against Jeff's side and clutching him close. Jeff ran his fingers through Blaine's hair comfortingly.

"Shh... what was that?" he whispered.

"Thursday was Valentine's Day," Blaine whispered. "Kurt was with somebody else on Valentine's Day. He could have been _with_ him."

Everyone heard and seemed to realise what he meant and none of them even knew what to say. Jeff just continued to hold him and stroke his hair, looking up at Nick with distressed eyes.

"I'll call the others to pack everything up," Jon decided, leaving quietly. Blaine's breath caught as he heard the words, his trembling increasing. All his planning wasted, because Kurt would never be his again.

Nick and Jeff helped Blaine up and, zombie-like, he let them lead him up to his room where they got him into bed and put a movie on to watch. Then they and Jon got under the covers with him and it was like it had been at Dalton when he'd first arrived minus Wes, David, Thad and Trent. Blaine snuggled miserably between Nick and Jeff who didn't remove their arms from around them as they watched _Star Wars Episode I_ for its obvious lack of romance. But Blaine kept thinking about how Padme and Anakin were destined to fall in love and doomed because of it. Much like himself.

He eventually fell asleep, too exhausted from his own emotions to do much else.

"God... I could kill Kurt," Jeff growled as he looked down at Blaine whose head was on his lap.

"Don't say that," Nick sighed, shaking his head. "He's our friend too. I mean, when we found out Blaine cheated on him we were angry."

"Blaine didn't do it to hurt him... It's almost like Kurt is trying to get back at him or something. Blaine hated himself for doing it but Kurt has purposefully strung him along and then pretty much slapped him around the face. I mean, who does he think he is? Telling Blaine to wait for him and then jumping into bed with some other guy."

"We don't know that it's like that," Nick protested. "Maybe we should talk to Kurt."

"I don't feel like talking," Jeff snapped. "I feel like throwing a punch."

"Guys," Jon warned as Blaine stirred. They waited anxiously but he just whimpered Kurt's name and curled closer to Jeff, each of their hearts shattering further at the sight. "I haven't seen him like this since he first came to Dalton."

"I know," Nick whispered. He gently tucked the covers further around Blaine. "What can we do?"

"There's not much we can do. He's got to figure out how to heal on his own," Jon shrugged, looking helpless and desperate. "I wish there was some way to just snap our fingers and make him better but... the reality is that we can't."

They heard the doorbell ring and glanced at each other. Blaine's parents had stepped out not long ago so there was nobody else to answer the door.

"I'll go," Nick decided since it was Jeff Blaine was clinging too. Besides, he couldn't stand the tiny sounds of distress Blaine was making in his sleep. They were killing him. He padded down the stairs and made his way to the front door which was being knocked on incessantly and the doorbell rung every few seconds.

What if it was some psycho? Nick wondered vaguely as he opened the door warily.

Nope, it was worse.

"Go away," Nick snapped, attempting to slam the door in Kurt's face. Despite his attempts to placate Jeff upstairs, Nick was furious too, but he was a little more reasonable. Or so he'd thought. Being face-to-face with the source of his dearest friend's pain was too much for even his level-headedness.

"Nick, please!" Kurt said, pushing back on the door. His pale eyes were desperate and Nick faltered. "Please, I have to see him."

"That is really not a good idea," Nick said, voice still furious but a little softer. He did hold a special place in his heart for Kurt.

"I need to explain myself," Kurt whispered brokenly, eyes sparkling with tears. "I can't let him think..."

"Think what exactly?" Nick demanded. "That you gave him reason to hope at Christmas but just ripped it from his grasp last night? That you lied to him? That you don't give a damn about how much he loves you and exactly what he'd do for you?"

"No, none of that-"

"Don't give me that crap!" Nick pushed Kurt back and followed him out onto the veranda, shutting the door behind him so that the others wouldn't hear him get worked up. "Do you know what was supposed to be happening right now? Blaine had an entire special day planned out for the two of you so he could remind you just how much you mean to him! He had us all set to serenade you with _Teenage Dream_ and _Somewhere Only We Know_ because those are your special songs! He didn't expect anything from you than to humour him and let him make his attempt at wooing you! And you do this? Really? Does he really mean that little to you after _everything_?"

Kurt was shaking his head, eyes wide and tears running down his face.

"Nick, please, you know that's not true!" he begged. "You know how important he is to me! How could you even think that?"

"Oh I don't know. Maybe because my best friend spent last night sobbing in his father's arms and this morning he couldn't even cry but managed to dry heave over a toilet for five minutes when he realised that you could be sleeping with somebody else." Nick was breathing heavily, his voice loud enough that it had caught the attention of the boys upstairs. "There are photos spread over his bedroom floor and some of your old clothes as well as the stuffed animals you gave him in his bed. He has surrounded himself with you. It's not healthy but none of us have stopped him because at least seeing him hopeful and smiling was better than not eating and moping. You are killing him, Kurt! Why the hell would you treat him like this?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Kurt shouted, throwing his arms up. "I didn't know what to do! He fucking cheated on me Nick! What was I supposed to do? Accept him back after he hurt me so bad? I forgave him! I heard him out! He's my best friend and I need him but I didn't know if I could love him anymore! I can't help that! Yes, I told him he could wait, that I would try! But I can't help that nothing happened, that I found someone else, that-"

"You could have told him!" Nick shouted back. "Instead of letting him wander around making plans to get you back you could have told him to stop hoping, given him a chance to prepare himself. Instead he had to... Just go away!"

"No." Kurt stepped closer to Nick. "You can't stop me from seeing him. I need to see him."

"I refuse to let you in this house."

They continued to glare at each other until the door was opened swiftly and Blaine was standing there, looking confused and sleepy but aware enough that he had recognised the sound of his love's voice arguing with Nick.

He stared at them and for a long time nobody said anything. Nick noticed Jon restraining Jeff who was glaring daggers at Kurt. If looks could kill...

"Kurt..." Blaine managed to choke out.

"Blaine..." Kurt responded, voice soft. "Can... can I talk to you? Please?"

Blaine looked like he wanted to say no and Nick willed him to be strong, to refuse but he stood back and looked at the ground, inviting Kurt inside silently.

"No, Blaine!" Jeff protested.

"I'll talk to him," Blaine whispered. "You three stay down here please." He slowly walked upstairs, Kurt following him warily, refusing to make eye contact with the others. He took off his coat on the way and Blaine tried not to glance back to watch him, he really did, but he couldn't help it. Seeing Kurt in his house again... he was about to see Kurt in his bedroom again...

Blaine tried to shove away the images of his pale body, standing out so strikingly against Blaine's dark sheets the first time they ever had sex. Running his fingers over every inch of that skin, feeling Kurt's lips everywhere on him. The awed expressed in his face when Blaine was finally inside him. And of course the way his whole body arched, throwing his head back and screaming Blaine's name when he came.

Blaine choked a little and Kurt looked at him worriedly as he shut the door behind him.

Blaine noticed the mess around, all the memories he'd been examining recently to tide him over until Kurt was home. He walked around picking up his scrapbooks while Kurt hesitantly took a seat at his desk, obviously too uncomfortable to sit on his bed.

"I'm sorry," Kurt finally said when Blaine placed the scrapbooks where they belonged in his bedside table. Blaine didn't respond but he stopped moving and Kurt took it to mean he was listening. "I should have told you about Adam, I know I should have, but I couldn't stand the thought of it doing this to you. That _I_ was hurting you. I wanted to wait until it was official. And then it was. And I still couldn't bring myself to tell you. I wanted to do it in person. I was going to tell you today."

"Yeah, well, I was going to get you back today," Blaine replied brokenly. "I guess we got our wires crossed."

"Blaine..."

"No," he snapped, finally losing it over months of his emotions raging all over the place. He wanted to scream at Kurt. He want to kiss him. He wanted to sob in his arms. He wanted to kick him out of the house and demand he stay the hell out of Blaine's life. "No! I asked you not to lie to me! I asked you tell me if it was foolish for me to hope so I could move on! You told me I could wait! You told me it was okay! You _lied_ to me! You moved on without telling me! I've been sitting here pining for you, wishing for the day when you could take me back! You can't just expect me to forgive you for that!"

"I forgave you!" Kurt snapped, leaping to his feet. "We wouldn't even be in this position in the first place if you hadn't fucking cheated! And I forgave you for that so I think you owe me the same courtesy! Don't you dare blame me for this!"

Blaine felt like Kurt had punched him in the stomach. No... like he had taken a metal baseball bat and belted him in the gut with it. That might actually have been preferable.

He barely noticed Kurt clapping a hand over his mouth, regretting the words the second he'd said them.

"Get. Out."

Kurt blinked, taken-back.

"What?" he asked quietly, looking a little frightened at the expression on Blaine's face. He'd seen Blaine angry plenty of times. But never this angry. And never at him.

"I said _get out_," Blaine repeated in a deadly voice.

"Blaine..."

"GET OUT! GO! I DON'T WANT YOU HERE!"

Kurt jumped, eyes wide and terrified. "Blaine, no, don't throw me out. Please."

"I can't do this anymore!" Blaine choked out, not able to yell again. He dropped onto his bed and Kurt hesitantly walked over and knelt in front of him. "I can't do it. Please, just go so I don't have to be reminded."

Blaine was already making plans to burn all his reminders of Kurt. He realised he was still wearing his shirt and he pushed Kurt away from him and yanked it off, chucking it in the corner, glowering at it. He vaguely realised he was acting like he was manic-depressive and Kurt looked really worried about him but he refused to acknowledge it.

He was fucking hurt and he had every right to be.

"I hate you!" Blaine shouted, his voice breaking on the last syllable. "I hate you..." The second time lost all meaning with his heartbroken voice and he felt Kurt's hands on his shoulders, guiding him back to his bed.

"I am so sorry," he whispered, hands on Blaine's knees as he knelt in front of him, eyes shining with pain. Blaine noticed the tears on his face and his heart ached. He couldn't believe that despite his own pain, it still hurt more to see Kurt hurting. "I really am, Blaine. I wish I could take it all back. I need you... I can't say goodbye to you, you know that."

"I need you to say it," Blaine breathed. "I need you to or I won't be able to let go. Please, Kurt, break your promise. Tell me goodbye. Let me move on."

Kurt looked distressed. "I _can't_."

"Why not? You've already moved on. Let me do the same. _Please_."

"I'm selfish. I need you." He was desperate now.

Neither of them was sure how it happened – perhaps a mixture of Blaine's longing and Kurt's desperation not to lose him, despite that his presence was hurting Blaine more than it would hurt him to let go – but they were standing in each other's arms, kissing frantically, tears mingling, their lips tasting salty. Their teeth clacked together as Blaine pulled Kurt even closer until they were pressed together down to their knees. Kurt's tongue desperately traced the inside of Blaine's mouth, whimpering at the familiar taste. Blaine moaned and Kurt let out a growl, pushing Blaine back until his knees his the edge of his bed and they tumbled onto it, Kurt continuing to guide Blaine back until he could straddle him, his weight pressing down on the younger teen, making him whine with need, hands sliding under Kurt's shirt and mapping out his back, enjoying the feel of warm skin that he had missed more than anything.

The taste of Kurt, the feel of him, all of it was so overwhelming. It had been so long since he'd felt this – the night before Kurt left for New York – and he didn't realise just how much he needed it, or how quickly he was unravelling. He felt Kurt's erection press against his and he bucked his hips up automatically in response.

Kurt growled again, the sound sending yet more blood rushing to Blaine's cock. Kurt thrust down against him and Blaine whined, nails digging into Kurt's back as he pulled him closer. Kurt bit down on his bottom lip before breaking their kiss to lick and bite his way down to Blaine's throat, sucking a dark hickey onto his pulse point. He bit down harder than he normally would causing Blaine to moan loudly, spurring him to darken the spot even further, laving over it with his tongue when he was finished.

Blaine gasped as he bit down on the spot again.

"More," he groaned. "Please Kurt. I need more. God... _I love you so much_."

Kurt froze as if suddenly realising what he was doing. He met Blaine's molten gold eyes and Blaine could see desire raging through them but he also found a myriad of other emotions including but not limited to regret, confusion, sadness, love, anger and pain.

"Please," Blaine whispered, tightening his hold on him. "Don't go. Stay. With me."

"I can't," Kurt replied but he made no move to go. "I'm with Adam. I can't do that to him."

"Have you slept with him?" Blaine asked, wondering if he would push Kurt away if the answer is yes.

"Not yet."

"Yet..." Blaine wanted to throw up again.

"Blaine, let me go."

"I can't." He didn't just mean right then. Kurt groaned and dropped down to lie on his chest, his cock still hard and rubbing against Blaine's, causing them both to gasp out. "I don't care if doesn't mean anything. Just... let me have this... let me have this and I won't ask you for anything else ever again. Let me hold you once more. Let me feel you one more time. Then you can go and be happy with Adam. You can go and live your life. Just give me this. Please."

Blaine knew he'd regret it. He half hoped Kurt would refuse and leave. Because if he said yes then it would only hurt a lot more when Kurt left to have a future with Adam. He knew that but he still wanted it. A very sad, very broken part of him hoped that if they did this Kurt might want to stay with him. So he wanted this badly.

Just one more time.

Kurt stared him in the eyes and Blaine thought he was going to say no. Thought he was going to leave without another word.

Then their mouths were pressed together again and Kurt was stroking his hands down Blaine's bare chest, tweaking his nipples and making Blaine arch up into him, moaning again. The heat returned to them and Kurt continued his previous attention to Blaine's neck, sucking yet more hickies into his skin, continuing down onto his chest. His tongue mapped out every line of muscle, leaving Blaine panting and desperate, pulling him up for a harsh kiss as he unbuttoned Kurt's shirt. Kurt sat up, their crotches grinding together as he did so and he threw his shirt off, followed by his undershirt before leaning back down and kissing Blaine harshly, biting at his lips almost painfully, hands moving down to Blaine's jeans and unbuttoning them, sliding down the zipper to remove pressure from his straining cock.

Blaine groaned as Kurt slipped his hand into his briefs stroking his hard member and squeezing at his balls briefly. Blaine surrendered all control to Kurt when he slipped off him to remove the rest of both of their clothes, blindly reaching into a draw instinctively and pulling out lube and a condom. Blaine took the condom and tossed it aside. Kurt stared at him with wide eyes.

"If this is the last time I get to have you, you're going bareback," Blaine growled, yanking him down into a kiss.

"Fine," Kurt gasped. "Roll over."

"No, face to face," Blaine replied.

Kurt glared at him but acquiesced, opening the bottle of lube and coating his fingers. Blaine shut his eyes, panting in anticipation as Kurt circled his entrance slowly, eyes hard as they examined him. This was a lot rougher and faster than they usually took things but it wasn't meant to be like every other time.

A goodbye fuck, Blaine realised grimly. He had asked for it. After all Kurt never wanted to _say_ goodbye but this could be just as good as.

Blaine's thoughts were lost as Kurt pushed the first finger inside of him. He moaned and pushed back against the feeling. It had been so, so long yet his body still knew exactly how it would feel when Kurt added the second finger, scissoring them slowly before crooking them and rubbing his prostate until Blaine cried out in pleasure, hands twisting in his covers and he begged Kurt repeatedly for more. Kurt added the third finger and continued to stretch Blaine only for a few minutes more before he coated himself and hooked Blaine's legs over his shoulders.

He didn't ask if Blaine was ready and he refused eye contact by leaning down and grazing his teeth over Blaine's Adam's apple harshly, drawing yet more gasps from the younger teen who was so overcome by emotion and sensation that he was a babbling mess as Kurt thrust harshly into him. He knew it wasn't going to last long for either of them so he needed to make the most of this, savour the feeling of Kurt inside him since he would never get to feel it again.

Kurt let out growls and grunts as he thrust into Blaine, angling himself perfectly, still remembering just how to hit that spot to make Blaine cry out and moan and swear. He was also crying now. Kurt tried not to pay attention to the tears as Blaine's nails dug into his back, his name the only word the younger seemed to remember.

Blaine could feel himself getting closer and he tried to push away the hot coil in his stomach, willing himself to last longer, to keep Kurt there even for a few more minutes. He wasn't sure he could let him go like he said he would. He needed to keep him here.

But then Kurt's hand was around him, pumping him roughly and he was coming, sobbing out in both loss and pleasure as the rush washed over him and he clenched around Kurt, causing the older teen to follow him over the edge. Blaine whined as he felt Kurt's hot come filling him, marking him, claiming him... but Kurt would never keep him.

All of his hopes of Kurt realising through this act that he stilled loved Blaine were dashed.

Blaine continued crying as Kurt pulled out, climbing off the bed to bring back a cloth to clean Blaine. Blaine curled into a tiny ball on his side, watching through his tears as Kurt pulled the covers over him and dressed slowly, not looking at Blaine until he was ready to leave.

"Dad would still like you to come to dinner but I know you won't," Kurt whispered. He leant down and kissed Blaine's forehead, making his shudders increase and his sobs rack louder through him. "Good luck with NYADA... I know you'll get in. I guess I'll see you... when I see you."

Blaine sobbed pitifully as Kurt straightened up.

"I love you," Blaine managed to get out. Kurt stopped midstep. "I love you..." He kept walking and shut Blaine's door quietly as he left.

It wasn't long before Nick was checking on him, staring down at him with a heartbroken expression.

"Why, Blaine?" he whispered.

"I love him," Blaine replied, burrowing further into the covers. Nick moved to lie behind him on top of the covers. He laid an arm over Blaine's waist and tried not to cry as Blaine continued to shake and whisper 'I love him' over and over again.

* * *

**I'm so sorry, don't kill me.**

**First: I am aware how very OOC Kurt acted here - this is not something he would ordinarily do - but I promise that in the next chapter it will be addressed. I am so sorry for doing to them and I'm also sorry if it offended you in any way but I had actually planned to have this happen. Originally I was going to have a drunk Kurt going to Blaine and Blaine unable to say no but it ended up being Blaine begging Kurt which ended up working better with the events of the story anyway. I hope that after you've read Kurt's thoughts in the next chapter this will all make sense to you.  
**

**Second: The smut was not my usual style. It wasn't a descriptive and it was detatched. This was on purpose. The act was not loving or emotional (though it was incredibly emotional but in a bad way) it was cold and distant - it was GOODBYE so it wasn't meant to have any of my usual description, it was meant to be fast and meaningless. Again, I'm sorry if this offends you. It's not something I would ever condone but it had to happen for the sake of the story.  
**

**Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing, you're all amazing and I'm so glad you're actually interested in this. :)  
**


	8. Choose

**I love you guys, seriously. Your passion is so inspiring so I finished the next chapter quickly. Kurt's telling you all how he feels now. And Adam's being a douche at the end. I'm so proud of Blaine in the section at the end, I really am. More from him next chapter. I promise you all, I will fix this and I will do it so that there is no doubt that Kurt and Blaine are perfect for each other and so that they are both redeemed from all their mistakes.**

**So, thank you for your responses, I love you all so much! Enjoy. Sorry for any mistakes, I feel too lazy to edit right now. I'll edit later and repost the edited one tomorrow.  
**

**Lessthanthree :)  
**

* * *

Kurt made it halfway home before he broke down crying in his car.

What had he done?

_Why_ had he done that? That was so unlike him. But a combination of missing Blaine, anger at himself, his inability to resist Blaine's eyes and begging had just overwhelmed him. He hated seeing Blaine in pain and when he only wanted one thing after Kurt had been the one to cause all that pain, how was he supposed to refuse him?

It was too much. He'd forgotten how amazingly connected he felt to Blaine when they did that and it most certainly didn't help how emotional they both were. Blaine had been _crying_ and Kurt felt like the world's biggest user just leaving him... not cuddling with him like Blaine _needed_ after sex. Sex was something Blaine took seriously, hence why he had been so cut up about cheating, it was important to him and he needed the cuddles afterwards to come down from his high and just enjoy the connection he'd shared.

Kurt knew that, knew it so well but he still got up and left. But he knew how hurt Blaine would already be, he didn't need to make it worse. He'd barely escaped with his head still on his shoulders. They hadn't exactly been quiet so the others knew what they'd been doing and Kurt was sure he was never going to be on friendly terms with the Warblers ever again.

He hated himself a little for giving in and doing something like that that was just going to hurt both of them. But from the second Blaine had taken off his (Kurt's) shirt in a fit of anger he'd needed to touch that skin again. He'd forgotten how much he craved Blaine when he was unclothed. How much he just needed to be close to him, skin to skin, and touch him everywhere. How incredible it felt being inside him or having Blaine inside him. Right then had been almost too much.

Worst of all Kurt had made it rough and meaningless.

Fucking.

Not making love they had done before.

Goodbye.

Kurt shook his head and pressed his hands into his eyes against the next flood of tears.

More than all of that though, he'd cheated on Adam. He couldn't believe he'd done something like that. Last night he hadn't been able to sleep in his own bed so he'd tentatively gone in to join Adam. His boyfriend had been such a gentleman, not touching Kurt and letting him sleep with his back to him, several feet between them but Kurt had woken up tangled with Adam, snuggled safely in his arms, forgetting all about the previous night. For a little while anyway. Adam had woken up shortly afterwards and they'd shared a few chaste kisses, giggling and cuddling under the covers, enjoying each other's company.

It was easy. Simple. Nice.

Now he'd probably never get to do that ever again.

_Who says he has to know?_ A voice whispered from the back of his mind. Kurt was enticed by the idea of keeping it from him but then got furious at himself. He couldn't do that. He had to be honest. He couldn't start a relationship based on lies. If Adam really cared he'd hear Kurt out and be understanding.

Hopefully.

God, now Kurt was stringing them both along. He was a terrible person.

He had to make a choice and stick to it. And as of right now, considering what he'd just done and how he was feeling now, he was picking Adam and he was going to live with it. No more looking over his shoulder for Blaine to catch up with him. He was going to forget it all. Besides Blaine needed him to back off so he could get over him.

This would be better. Forgetting Blaine like Rachel suggested. It would be good for him.

So why did he feel like there now a huge gaping hole in his chest that was making it impossible to breathe?

No, no, don't focus on that. He had to go to Adam and confess what he'd done, if he no longer wanted to be with him then so be it. Kurt wouldn't suddenly turn and run back to Blaine because it, he was still stick with his decision to turn his back on that part of his life so that they could both move on. And maybe one day he would be healed enough to actually have a healthy relationship that he wouldn't fuck up.

But first he needed coffee.

Kurt calmed himself down enough to drive to the Lima Bean and as he stood at the counter waiting for his order his mind wandered back to Blaine without his permission. The taste of Blaine was still strong in his mouth and his body was craving him again.

"Well, well, well, look who it is…"

Kurt stiffened at the voice. He knew that voice. He'd spent so long dreading hearing that voice that he knew it as well as he knew any. And right now that voice sounded cold. Unhappy.

"Sebastian, I don't have the patience for your crap today, leave me alone," Kurt snapped without looking. His coffee was ready and he picked up the cup, turning slowly to glare at Sebastian who did not look happy to see him.

"You know… right now I was supposed to have finished serenading you," Sebastian mused. "Most of the Warblers were roped into helping out Blaine in trying to win you back, I offered to contribute mostly because well, it would have been nice to see him happy again… So why the hell did Jon call me earlier and tell us to pack everything up, nothing would be happening?"

Kurt glared darkly at Sebastian. "If you know what's good for you _back off_."

"You smell like sex," Sebastian mused.

Kurt flushed darkly and pushed past him, stalking towards the doors. Unfortunately Sebastian followed. Kurt wondered how much trouble he'd get in if he ran him over with the rental car.

"Oh! I think I know what happened!" Sebastian chirped, suddenly strangely happy. "You and Blaine reconciled already so there was no need for the grand gesture and you just spent all day fucking! Wow, good for you guys."

Kurt faltered but kept walking. Sebastian noticed.

"No? That's not what happened? So… you were having sex with your new boyfriend then?"

Kurt stopped then and glanced backwards warily.

"Wrong again? Man I'm getting rusty…" Sebastian said. Kurt turned around fully and eyed him strangely. "Okay, okay, Nick called me. I didn't follow you here if that's what you're thinking. I was just getting coffee and I saw you come in. I just… wow… I'm kind of impressed. Not even I have ever been that heartless to somebody."

"Shut up," Kurt hissed.

"No, no, I think you need to hear this." He turned strangely serious. "I sleep around, sure. I've only ever had one boyfriend and that ended pretty badly so since then I've made it my mission to just have casual sex and never get attached. But never would I ever let somebody fall for me and treat them the way you just treated Blaine. That is downright cold. You _know_ how much he loves you and… did you even stop to think about what that would do to him?"

"I told you to shut up."

"I'm not going to. Listen here and listen good, if you continue to string him along like this then I swear to God I won't rest until I find some way to get back at you. I don't give a fuck that he cheated on you and you feel like you deserve some kind of revenge, it's not right. And if I say something's messed up then I'm pretty sure it is."

"Well you won't have to worry because I'm not going to go near him again!" Kurt snapped. "It obvious that all I can do is hurt him! He needs to move on, I won't contact him anymore. I'll start ignoring his calls again."

"Good," Sebastian said calmly. "It's not healthy for him to be so hung up on you."

Kurt frowned. "Are you doing this so you can have him or what?"

"Are you kidding me? After what you did to him? That kid is going to be such a mess, the last thing he needs is someone trying to get in his pants again," Sebastian sighed, shaking his head. "I saw him after you guys broke up. He was pretending he was totally okay but I could tell he was barely keeping it together. Then he started getting better. Why didn't you just let him keep healing like that?"

Kurt shook his head, looking away from Sebastian. "I really wish I knew the answer to that."

"Hmm… Can I give you some advice?"

"No."

"Too bad, here it is: there must be some reason why you are selfishly keeping him attached to you. I'm not going to try and psychobabble your emotions but I know there has to be a reason. I think you should figure it out. But stay away from him. Let him get over you."

Sebastian gave him one last harsh look before walking off. Kurt watched him go and leant on his car. Since when did Sebastian start making sense?

It didn't matter anyway, Kurt needed to go and face the music.

* * *

Sam had had enough, he and Finn were sick of listening to Adam's conversation with Burt and Carole and they decided they really needed to check on Blaine so they headed to his house. Sam was so worried about his friend and he just needed to know Blaine was holding up okay, that he could get past this and be alright again.

His hopes were crushed when they got to his house and his mum told them not to expect him to let them in his room. He'd kicked three of the Warblers out of the house earlier and hadn't responded to either of his parents' attempts to talk to him.

Sam looked worriedly at Finn.

"What did Kurt do to him?" Sam whispered as they went upstairs. Finn shrugged. Obviously Kurt wasn't here… had Blaine even spoken to him? They reached his door and Sam knocked a few times. There was no response. "Blaine… come on, bro, open up. You didn't answer my calls last night. I was getting worried. Let me in… I want to talk to you."

"Go away Sam!" Blaine's muffled voice called. He sounded terrible.

"Let me in or I'll break the door down."

"Nice try but Jeff already used that."

"I'm not any of your Dalton friends. I'm Sam. And I have Finn with me. Please, let us in."

There was a long pause and Sam waited.

"Make Finn go away and you can come in."

"What?" Finn burst out. Sam gave him a sympathetic look.

"You're Kurt's brother… I guess he doesn't want reminders…" Sam looked desperate to talk to Blaine so Finn went downstairs where Mrs Anderson made him coffee and updated him on Blaine's state when she'd gotten home the night before.

Blaine opened his door and let Sam in. Sam looked around with wide eyes. Piled into a corner were some clothes, stuffed animals, numerous scrapbooks and loose photos, as well as several framed pictures now with broken glass, books and DVDs, CDs and some playbills as well as other stuff Sam couldn't quite make out since they were obscured by other objects. Sitting on top of it was a sign that read in huge black letters 'BURN'.

Everything that Kurt had given Blaine or that reminded Blaine of Kurt was in that pile.

Clearly things had not gone well.

Sam turned to look at Blaine who was getting back into bed, burrowing down pathetically. He turned onto his side and Sam's eyes bugged out when he spotted the angry, dark hickey on his throat.

"Blaine…" Sam moved over cautiously. "Um… who gave you that?"

"Who do you think?" Blaine muttered.

Sam almost gasped but caught himself. "I don't understand…"

"I'm a good-for-nothing, stupid, Lima Loser who isn't good enough for someone as beautiful and precious as Kurt Hummel. I'm eighteen not twenty-two, I wear bow-ties and have crazy, awful hair. I'm not blonde or English or sophisticated or knowledgeable about the world, sex and New York City. What more is there to understand?"

Sam didn't think he'd ever seen Blaine so down on himself.

"So you had sex with him?"

"Yes."

"Why would let him do that to you?"

"I begged him to. I wanted it."

"Blaine…"

"If you're here to lecture me fuck off. Nick already tried. I don't want anyone telling me how stupid I am. I know how stupid I am. I was stupid to ever think I was good enough for him. At least I have this now."

"Low self-esteem and no self-respect?" Sam demanded. "How is that good Blaine?"

"It's better than hope. Hope crushes you. At least now I know the truth and I can just wither away without anything to make it worse."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"You're right. None of it does."

Sam stared at Blaine in confusion and concern. "I think you need help, Blaine."

Blaine turned his head and stared at him blankly. Sam winced at the look in his eyes. Distant, broken. This wasn't the Blaine Anderson they all knew and loved. This wasn't even a shadow of him… This poor broken creature didn't seem like he would ever heal.

"Just leave me alone," Blaine said and pulled the covers over his head to end the conversation. Sam didn't know what to do. He half wanted to pull Blaine out of the bed and shake sense into him but he knew it wouldn't work. Blaine had dedicated his entire self to the idea that he would have Kurt forever. Now he didn't know what was real anymore so nothing Sam could say would make it better. Instead he went and whispered to Finn what was going before going back upstairs, seating himself in Blaine's arm chair and preparing to wait him out.

Finn was heading off to strangle his own step brother. Sam was going to wait. He would do whatever it took to help Blaine.

* * *

Kurt arrived home and hesitated for a long time before going inside. He could hear Adam and his parents in the living room but he just went upstairs, going to wait in the guestroom so he could tell Adam what he'd done without an audience.

Very soon he heard Finn's truck and knew he'd gotten home too. Kurt wondered where he'd gone.

Kurt heard footsteps some time later and knew right away it was Burt, not Adam who was coming to speak to him.

"Kurt?"

"In here, Dad," Kurt called as loudly as he could. He knew as soon as his father opened the door that somehow he had found out what he'd done. Kurt's face burned with shame and he dropped his gaze to the floor, wrapping his arms around his stomach defensively.

There was a long, painful stretch of silence.

Then, "Do you remember what I told you two years ago about sex?"

Kurt flinched and nodded weakly.

"Tell me."

"To use it as a way to connect to another person. Not to throw myself around like I don't matter," Kurt whispered timidly.

"I think I left out something just as important. You should never make somebody else feel like they don't matter."

Kurt shrunk in on himself at the disappointment in his father's voice.

"I don't even know why I did it," he whispered. "One minute he was ordering me to leave and the next we were on his bed and I couldn't stop touching him. I just wanted him so badly and he was begging me and…" He shook his head desperately. "I'm the worst person in the world. I shouldn't be allowed near other people."

Burt sat down beside Kurt and reached a hand out to rub through his hair and Kurt didn't protest. After a few strokes of his father's hand through his hair he looked at him and almost cried when he saw the disappointment in his face.

"You're so much better than this Kurt, than all of it," Burt whispered. "I mean, not telling anyone that you had a new boyfriend – not your family and not a boy who definitely deserved to know – and now this? What has gotten in to you?"

"I don't know," Kurt whimpered. "I just… ever since I heard those words out of Blaine's mouth…"

Burt frowned.

"When he told me he cheated on me," Kurt clarified. "Ever since then I feel like I lost myself… I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. Then you told me you have cancer. Everything in my life I thought was solid and long lasting was just gone. I didn't know how to be me anymore when everything that had helped shape the person I am was slipping away."

"Kurt, just because people leave your life, just because things happen and your life changes doesn't mean you need to lose yourself," Burt sighed. "You are your own person."

"I spent so long planning a future with Blaine and then it was gone," Kurt whispered. "I didn't know what to feel anymore. Yes, I screwed up by telling him it was okay if he hoped. Yes, I should have told him straight away that I had a new guy. I'm sorry! I make mistakes. Blaine made a huge mistake and everyone seems to have forgiven him! Why not me? Don't I deserve a free pass or something?"

Burt sighed sadly. "You're right, you deserve some consideration after everything you went through but only for leading Blaine on. What you did this afternoon… Kurt, that's an entirely different ballgame. It was cold and… so unlike you. It was cruel, plain and simple."

"It was also cheating," Kurt whispered.

"It was. Now, I have spent some time getting to know this new guy and I like him, he's nice. However, I'm not happy about the trouble he has caused. You know how much I adore Blaine. I'm guessing he isn't coming for my birthday tonight."

Kurt felt really guilty. Blaine was the one who kept his dad company now and Kurt had pretty much chased him out of his life.

"No… I don't think so," Kurt whispered. "I told him you wanted him here but… I don't think he'll be around me. He shouldn't be anyway. I don't want to hurt him anymore."

"If you don't want to hurt him-"

"I don't know, okay?" Kurt realised he was getting snappy again and he softened his tone. "I don't even know. I just know that I need to back off now. I need to be out of his life. Besides, I don't think any of his friends, or his family, want me around him anymore."

Burt nodded slowly. "What are you going to do about all of this then?"

"I'm going to tell Adam the truth and if he dumps me so be it. I'll just keep on going. I'll stay well out of Blaine's life. That's my plan."

Burt looked incredibly sad for a long moment as he studied Kurt but then he stood up.

"I think you need to figure your own feelings out a little more Kurt," Burt informed him quietly. Kurt frowned. That was the second time he'd been told that today. By both Sebastian and his father. If two people so different with different investments in the situation told him the same thing he figured it must be right.

Soon enough Adam came upstairs and Kurt calmly told him what he'd done. Adam didn't react for a long time then quietly requested Kurt give him some space so he could think it over. Kurt nodded softly.

"Just so you know… I choose you," Kurt whispered as he left the guest room.

Kurt put on a fake smile through the rest of the evening as they celebrated his dad's birthday. Kurt kept glancing at the chair where Blaine should have been sitting and he sighed sadly. He imagined how the night could have gone. Kurt could have sat beside Blaine and across from Adam. He could have played footsies with his boyfriend as he and Blaine got to know each other, both happy to be a part of Kurt's life.

But no, he had to ruin that and now he had to pretend everything was fine when Finn kept giving him looks as if he didn't know who Kurt even was and Adam kept glancing at him with hurt eyes. They didn't speak that night or the next morning.

Adam left saying he wanted to talk to Kurt after he'd gone for a drive around the town so Kurt nodded. They were leaving around lunch time to go to the airport and he wanted things to be sorted before they left.

* * *

Adam sighed deeply as he pulled into the parking lot of what appeared to be a coffee shop: the Lima Bean. He just needed to get out of the house so he could think things through. He was hurt but on some level he wasn't surprised. Every time Kurt said his ex boyfriend's name there was a softness about his voice and eyes, a little spark that made him almost glow as warm memories clearly assailed him.

Was it wrong that he had known that but still wanted a chance with the beautiful, talented, interesting boy whose smile made Adam's heart race in a way it hadn't for years? Maybe he should have waited until Kurt had had a chance to realise his feelings for the other boy or let them fade completely but he was an impatient man, he always had been, so he made his move, consequences be damned. Now he just had to decide if it was worth it. Kurt said he chose him… did that mean it didn't matter about the other boy? That no matter what he felt Adam was the one he wanted?

Or did it simply mean things with Blaine hurt too much and he'd rather take the easy option of forcing himself to be happy with somebody else?

Either way he'd chosen Adam and now he just had to decide if he wanted that.

He walked into the coffee shop, sighing happily at the smell. He ordered a latte and a muffin and as he waited he glanced around, eyes almost passing by the boy who had been part of his thoughts moments ago. He did a double take.

It was no wonder he almost had noticed him.

The photos he'd seen of Blaine and when he'd met him in person for all of a minute on Friday night had shown the boy to be put together – gelled hair, bow ties, fashionable and neat clothing, warm smile – but the boy sitting at the corner table with a blonde friend had no product in his messy curls, hadn't shaved in a couple of days so there was a dark shadow about his jaw that made him look older and slightly rugged. He was dressed in a baggy hoodie and loose jeans, totally different from the tight jeans and polos he'd been informed were Blaine's signature look.

He looked like a man who had lost everything in a few short days. He was a mess.

Adam actually felt sorry for him. He couldn't imagine how it must have felt to have Kurt so close yet have him just walk away. Adam wasn't in love with Kurt, not yet, but this boy had loved him for longer than two years and he had lost him twice now. He did not envy him that pain.

Adam watched as the blonde boy with large lips leaned towards Blaine and said something low. Blaine mumbled a response and the boy got up and left him there, looking distressed. Adam took his chance as his breakfast arrived and he walked slowly over to claim the blonde's seat.

Blaine looked up and his eyes widened in shock and then flashed with something akin to anger which then faded quickly as though he was simply too exhausted to feel anything anymore.

"What do you want? Come to gloat? You win. He doesn't want me. We even slept together and he still went back to you," Blaine muttered, avoiding Adam's eyes. "I'd really prefer it if I didn't have to look at you. It makes me want to kill myself."

Adam blinked in surprise.

"I want him to love me," Adam murmured.

"Well congratulations, I think he might."

"No. He can't love me if you're constantly there, reminding him of how he used to love you." Adam noticed how he flinched at the past tense. "I want you to stay out of his life."

"I will. Don't worry. Maybe I'll take myself out of the equation permanently."

Adam's forehead creased with concern. That was the second time in a minute the boy had suggested suicide. That was certainly not normal.

"Don't be an idiot," Adam informed him. "You need help."

"I do not."

"You just told me you want to kill yourself. Twice. You need help."

"Maybe if you left I wouldn't. Maybe if you'd never spoken to Kurt I wouldn't. If you hadn't taken him from me and ruined my chance of getting him back then I wouldn't, would I? I'd be fine. I'd be _happy_! You ruined t for me."

"You ruined it for yourself," Adam snapped. "You cheated on him."

Blaine finally looked back up at him, holding anger in his eyes this time. Adam saw his hand flex around his coffee cup. Was the boy actually considering hitting him?

"You don't know anything about me," Blaine hissed, standing up. "You have no idea about my life or my relationship with Kurt. Just because you came in and caught him on the rebound doesn't make you an expert? Can you tell what his mood is the second he walks into a room without even looking too closely or talking to him? Do you every spot on his body that makes him feel so good he just falls apart instantly? Do you know exactly what to do or say to make him laugh? Do you know every trick to making him smile when he's feeling down? Do you know all his dreams and secret desires? Do you know every corner of his heart and soul better than your own? No! Don't you fucking try to understand anything about me or him or what we were because you'll never touch it. Nobody can."

Blaine picked up his coffee cup and in an act of complete immaturity and slight insanity he dumped the contents onto the head of the British NYADA student before storming out of the Lima Bean, everyone in the shop staring after him in shock. Adam noticed the barista send him a dirty look and he shifted uncomfortably as bitter coffee ran down his face. Why did he have to drink black coffee? His hair was going to be a disaster.

There were a few snickers and Adam stood slowly, trying to maintain some dignity, went to get some napkins and dabbed his face as he walked out. He spotted Blaine leaning against a locked car, face buried against his arms, body trembling – he was crying.

Adam shook away the guilt he felt and watched the blonde boy look around the shop worriedly before someone clearly told him what happened. He left and looked at Blaine then at Adam. His eyes narrowed and Adam figured it was best to get out of there before blondie tried something.

He knew was he was going to do now at least. That kid wanted to pretend nobody could give Kurt anything better than he did? Fine. He was going to accept Kurt back, forgiving him, and make sure that _Blaine_ knew he was never getting him back.


	9. Heal

**Hey guys! Look another chapter. This one is a little less heavy and I hope it gives you guys some hope.  
**

**First though I just need to say something to all the people who are angry because they think Kurt is being treated unfairly. I don't think any of you are really considering the situation properly. Human beings tend to take sides when people they care about are fighting and they will usually take the side opposite the one who made the worst mistake. In this situation Kurt has indeed made the worst mistake. Yes, Blaine cheated but none of you are really thinking about the fact that Blaine Anderson (both in canon and in this story) is a vulnerable, lonely boy who needs to be reassured he's loved (there's plenty of evidence in the series, I won't go through it all here but if you're interested I'll PM you about it). Kurt stopped communicating with him and in a moment of complete vulnerability, fear and lonliness Blaine made a terrible mistake that he hated himself for. It wasn't done to be vindictive or spiteful. Kurt sleeping with Blaine was done to be hurtful (this is something Kurt is about to acknowledge in this chapter), he knew it would hurt Blaine but he did it anyway. Someone said people are acting like he forced himself on Blaine when Blaine begged him. He didn't, that's true, but nobody forced HIM to have sex with Blaine, he could have said no, he could have walked away. Nobody made him be so cruel. He did it to hurt Blaine. You need to understand that. So no, people's reactions are not unjustified and you're also blowing it out of proportion. Burt is not blaming Kurt for anything, he's just trying to help him by being the firm father he has always been, because that's who Burt is, he's not someone who's going to sugar coat it and say 'it's okay Kurt, you did nothing wrong' when its clear he has made mistakes just as Blaine has, he's going to be honest and point out that this is wrong and he needs to sort himself out. As for Sam, well, he's seen what this is doing to Blaine and Blaine really needs a friend so of course he's going to be on Blaine's side. Ever heard the sayings 'tough love' or 'be cruel to be kind', well that's this situation, Kurt needs some serious pushing to sort himself out and that's what people are doing. Blaine needs it too: Nick, Jeff and Sam are going to kick his ass every time he falls down in his recovery but the fact is, you can't fault ANYBODY in this story for their behaviour because it is a messed up situation where you don't know what you would do until you're in it.  
**

**Okay, off my soap box. If I just offended anyone, I'm sorry but it is how it is and I think some of you are being biased towards Kurt or Blaine when both of them need to be understood in this. Also there was someone who thinks I've created an unhealthy relationship and in a way you're right but all will be explained, I know my basic psych explanations for what is going on with both of them (I won't go too deep with psychobabble because a lot of people won't understand but I know what is going on and that's all that matters) and I know how they need to go about fixing themselves. Also someone thinks they shouldn't be together well... no story I write about Klaine will be without Klaine Endgame so...  
**

**I do want to say though, I love your passionate responses, they make this soooo worth writing :)  
**

**Okay, on with the new chapter, lessthanthree  
**

* * *

Blaine spent one week, just one, crying his eyes out every night and hugging Margaret Thatcher Dog close, thinking over every moment he'd ever shared with Kurt. It was one week of self indulgent depression where he ignored everyone and refused to pay attention in class or dress properly or gel his hair. But as soon as the next Sunday came he was out of bed and off to the gym where he boxed and ran out the rest of his frustration, calling his dad before he hit the showers to ask him to help him burn all of his reminders of Kurt. Nathan agreed and when Blaine got home the things were gone. His father said he already took care of it but saved Blaine some photos. Blaine went out to the burning pile and dropped the pictures of he and Kurt onto the remaining flickers of flame and watched them curl and blacken until they were ashes. He felt a tiny bit better and a tiny bit worse at the same time.

What he didn't know was that his dad hadn't burnt anything in Blaine's pile, just some old junk from the attic; he'd simply packed the pile of clothes, books, photos and toys into a couple of boxes and hidden them in his home office. He knew one day Blaine would regret his rash decision to destroy his best memories so he'd denied his son's wishes but he didn't need to know that right now. Right now Blaine needed to get better any way he could.

Blaine then found the number of his old psychologist and called her up to schedule an appointment, god knew he needed to talk to somebody and have them help him dissect everything he was feeling and the stupid decisions he'd made recently.

By the time he went to school on Monday morning he just felt exhausted from being so depressed and lost in himself. He wondered if he could watch himself from the months since Kurt went to New York what he would see. Probably a lost, frightened teenage boy who had a lot of growing up to do before he could go to college and be an adult with adult relationships.

He promised himself then and there that he would never be that again. He would do whatever it took to get past this and move on, start a new life as a stronger Blaine Anderson.

Of course it still hurt. It still hurt so much he felt like he couldn't breathe. Some nights he still cried before he went to sleep and more than once he had found his cheeks wet as he woke up crying from dreams filled with harsh words and cold, glasz eyes as the man he loved was entwined with another, Blaine forced to watch and endure, unable to escape the sight.

The reality was he was barely keeping it together. Something his friends noticed despite walking to school on Monday back to perfectly put-together Blaine Anderson, Class President. Since Blaine hadn't been in a right enough mind to demand that nobody be told of what happened, Sam had informed Brittany who then told EVERYONE. There was a communal fury directed towards Kurt and everyone trying to get Blaine to open about how he felt; Jake and Puck also offered to go to New York and mess up Kurt's new boyfriend's face a bit.

He was insanely grateful when Finn announced that they would be going to Regionals next month. Vocal Adrenaline had been disqualified leaving an open slot and as last year's National champs they had been asked to fill it. Blaine couldn't find it in himself to even feel happy at the news but it distracted everyone from him and his problems for the time being.

Well, almost everyone.

Sam caught up to him after lunch and pulled him into an empty classroom to talk.

"Dude, you have to stop pretending that you're fine," he said, not bothering to ease into it.

Blaine looked away. "I'm not. I am fine... or at least I'm on my way there."

"Blaine, last week you came to school in sweatpants and with no gel in your hair. You didn't talk to _anybody_. I saw you after it happened. There is no way that you have recovered that fast and this pretending that everything's okay is just as bad as ignoring a problem. You need help, man, and I refuse to let you go without it."

"I know that okay!" Blaine snapped, dumping his bag and beginning to pace. "I keep having nightmares. I can almost feel him still..." Blaine growled and punched his fist into his other hand. "There are love bites all over my chest and neck, I see them every time I take my shirt off and they are a very clear reminder of just how messed up I am. I have been messed up for a long time and I just... I'm so sick of walking around feeling sorry for myself, acting and feeling pathetic. I don't need everyone to look at me that way. So yes, I'm trying to put on a front and pretend I'm dealing even though I'm not but I am not ignoring it. I burnt all the reminders of him. I booked a session with my old therapist. I am going to get better but it's not simple."

"I never said it was."

"Other people do. People keep trying to remind me that I lived fifteen years without him, I can do it again. No I freaking can't! I spent most of those years fighting a war with myself because I liked boys instead of girls and when I did finally come to terms with it and come out I faced disgust and ridicule not to mention a strained relationship with my father. I got bashed up for being gay and then suffered through PTSD – jumping at every noise and throwing punches at people who crept up behind me. I was a mess until I met him and he turned my world upside down in the best possible way. I can't go back to what I was because I wasn't really living, can't you see that? It's harder than people seem to think but I promise, I'm trying. I'm going to get better and I'll get over him. I'll be able to be strong without him... I hope."

"Of course you will," Sam whispered. "But you can't block everyone out, okay?"

"I won't. I won't I promise," Blaine pleaded. "But you all need to stop treating me like I'm made of glass, okay? Just be normal. If I need help I'll ask but I can't deal with people looking at me like I'm about to break down no matter how much I might have brought it on myself. Just be my friend, I'll do the rest."

Sam thought it over for some time and Blaine chewed his lip as he waited.

"Okay, okay fine but you have to make sure you come to me if you need me. Don't bottle it up and make it worse."

"I promise," Blaine breathed. "Thank you."

* * *

"How was your weekend?"

"I don't want to talk about it. If you come near me I'll burn all your clothes and Broadway music."

Those were the only words exchanged between Kurt and his roommate besides decisions on dinner and if they were going out for an entire week. Kurt just wanted to wallow in self-loathing for a little while and think about what Sebastian and his father had told him about figuring out his feelings.

Rachel however seemed to have had enough when Kurt was preparing to go out to meet Isabelle and some of his co-workers for dinner.

"Alright, if you don't tell me right now what happened I will call Finn," Rachel said. Kurt observed her folding her arms in his mirror.

"Go ahead," he replied monotonously.

"Kurt, come on, we're best friends! You can tell me."

Kurt made a funny disparaging sound. "And hear you say I told you so? I don't think so." He turned around and looked Rachel in the eyes. "I had sex with Blaine, happy?"

Rachel's jaw dropped open. "What? Why? Are you back together?"

"Do I really seem like I just reignited an old love and had beautiful reconciliation sex? No. It was a goodbye fuck, that's all."

Rachel winced. She'd never heard Kurt refer to sex that way before.

"How could you do that to him? How could you do that to _yourself_?" Rachel demanded.

"See, I don't really know the answer so if you figure it out please tell me. I'm going. I'll be back late."

"Kurt, we need to talk about this."

He whipped around and glared at her. "No we do not. It's my private life. It's my mistake. I'll deal with it myself."

"That really isn't very healthy," Rachel muttered, looking helpless and upset. "I'm so afraid for you Kurt. You're being so... not you."

"Well... I don't much feel like me anymore so I can't really help it." Kurt shrugged and put his coat on before leaving the loft. He spent the night forcing smiles and laughter with his co-workers and thought he had them fooled.

Until Isabelle pulled him up under the guise of going with her to order the drinks. She leant against the bar and fixed him with piercing eyes.

"I'm worried about you," she said. Kurt looked at her in surprise.

"I'm fine," he protested.

"No, you aren't. Something's chewing you up inside. What's going on, Kurt? You can talk to me."

Kurt studied her before looking away. "Have you ever done things you're not proud of?"

"Who hasn't?" Isabella laughed. "You can tell me Kurt, I'm not about to judge you."

Kurt looked at her hopefully and saw her smiling gently at him, waiting patiently for him to decide if he wanted to talk to her.

"I… uh…" Kurt frowned and then launched into an explanation of his recent behaviour. Isabella nodded every so often, a frown deepening her features when Kurt told her about sleeping with Blaine. She looked upset but Kurt could tell it wasn't directed at him. "The worst part is… I knew it would hurt him but I did it anyway. I think part of me _wanted_ to hurt him. How awful is that? He never did anything to intentionally hurt me, ever, but I did it on purpose. I'm a horrible person."

"No you aren't," Isabella disagreed, touching his shoulder to make him lift his head from the bar when he'd dropped it in defeat. "People make mistakes, do bad things without thinking over how much they'll regret them later because they're so upset in a moment. It's why when you're fighting with someone you say something you don't mean because you know it'll strike them right where you need to, to win the fight. It doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you human. And Kurt, I think I know you pretty well by now, I highly doubt you did it _just_ to hurt him. There must have been some other reason…"

Kurt shrugged and Isabelle sighed. She sat on a stool and Kurt did the same, waiting for her to speak as she mulled over her words.

"Okay… can I be honest with you?"

"Always."

"When you told me you were dating Adam I thought it was a bad idea." Kurt opened his mouth but his boss held up her hand to keep him quiet. "You were in a very intense, loving relationship for over eighteen months. More than that you were in love with Blaine for two years. When you come out of a relationship you need to grieve – not in the same way you do when someone dies but you have still lost something important to you, you need to take time out to find yourself, especially after a long relationship where you were so devoted to being one half of a pair."

Kurt chewed his lip. "So… it was too soon?"

"Much too soon. Not only was it a long relationship, it was your first one, your first love, your first everything. You really needed to take at least a year, maybe more to sort yourself out, to learn how to be _Kurt_ instead of one half of Kurt and Blaine. See, the thing about successful relationships isn't that the two people work perfectly together, it's that they're able to be independent while being dependent on each other. Do you understand?"

"Yes, being devoted while still holding onto yourself," Kurt murmured.

"Mmm. And when you come out of a relationship where that wasn't the case, you no longer know how to function because before you weren't solely your own person, you belonged entirely to someone else. Therefore you should have taken the time to be you before you became someone else's boyfriend. It's unhealthy, and really kind of self-destructive, to do this to yourself. And to Blaine and to Adam."

"So… what are you saying?" Kurt wondered.

"That… I think you need some time alone," Isabelle said carefully. "I'm not telling to do anything. Don't make any rash decisions. I just think you need to find yourself before you can even hope to love someone and be in a healthy relationship again. I also think you need to figure out how you really feel about both Blaine and Adam, that might help some of this self-loathing you seem to be sporting."

"I hurt him on purpose and in the process hurt Adam and begged him for forgiveness," Kurt said laughing darkly. "I think I'm too messed up for getting better."

Isabelle hummed in disagreement. Kurt clicked his tongue as he pondered for a few moments.

"Why do you want to be with Adam?" Isabelle asked suddenly.

"I… I was lonely," Kurt admitted. "He's cute and nice and sophisticated. He treats me well and I have so much fun on dates."

"Hmm… how does it compare to what you had with Blaine?"

"I'm not… quite as relaxed but at the same time it's easier because we don't have to hide how we feel." Kurt tilted his head. "I wanted that with Blaine though. To be able to show him off here…"

"Do you think you might just be compensating? Getting to have that open experience despite that it isn't with the one you wanted it to be?"

Kurt frowned, not quite understanding.

"Okay, let's go back to Blaine then. You slept with him because you wanted to hurt him. I refuse to believe that's the whole reason. I refuse to believe it's even a big reason. I think it was more of a subconscious desire. How did you feel afterwards?"

"I hated myself," Kurt whispered brokenly. "I couldn't believe I hurt him like that. I couldn't believe I'd done it. I wanted to go back and get into bed with him and hold him and make him feel better, make sure he was alright and stay with him until I knew he was… I…" Kurt frowned and then let out a choked sound of distress. "Oh my god… I did it because I still love him, didn't I?"

Isabelle shrugged. "You tell me though I think it's most likely. You don't get over someone that quickly, Kurt, no matter how badly they hurt you, especially not if they were as important to you as Blaine is."

Kurt's lips twitched into a tiny smile briefly at the present tense. He felt lighter somehow… that was the truth wasn't it? How could he have lied to himself for so long? _Of course_ he was still in love with Blaine, it was the only explanation as to why everything still hurt so badly.

"I'm so dumb sometimes," Kurt sighed. "What do I do now?"

"I can't tell you that. You need to decide for yourself," Isabella said. She leant over and hugged him, kissing his cheek gently. "But knowing you, you'll figure out the right thing to do. But make sure it's the right thing for you. It's time to focus on yourself."

Kurt nodded and hugged her back. "Thank you so much."

* * *

"It's been a long time since I've seen you… I thought you were doing alright."

Blaine shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Dr Lyons office hadn't changed a bit since the last time he'd come here over two years ago. His last appointment with her had been a month after he'd met Kurt and he was feeling so confident in himself and so happy that she'd deemed him well enough to go without sessions but if he felt he needed to see her not to hesitate to call.

He hadn't felt the need, not with Kurt around to ground him even when they were just friends.

"I was," Blaine answered, looking at the photo on her desk. "Is that your daughter?"

"Yes, she's adorable, isn't she?" Dr Lyons gave him a knowing look. "You came here to talk Blaine, please don't deflect."

"Right, sorry," Blaine blushed. "I just need someone to talk to who doesn't have any involvement in my life and the situation I seem to have put myself in."

"Alright… well, why don't you fill me in on everything I've missed in your life?"

Blaine started talking and didn't stop for the whole hour. He told her about how his friendship with Kurt blossomed and he fell in love with him. How their relationship had flourished and they'd both grown together, learning things about themselves and about life together. How they'd given their virginities to each other, promise ring, their growing relationship, his separation anxiety. He told her all of it. He stumbled when he got to the cheating but she just continued making notes without giving him a judgemental look.

He finished with the weekend Kurt had been home and his week of depression before burning Kurt's things and calling her.

Dr Lyons checked the time when he fell silent, made a few more notes and settled back in her seat, fixing him with a steady look, her dark eyes giving nothing away.

"Blaine… that's a lot," she noted. Blaine shrugged one shoulder. "We have five minutes before the session finishes so we will obviously need to have another one and I think it would be conducive to continue for a while. There are a lot of areas I would like to explore including your dependence on Kurt and your strong attachment to him leaving you so broken when it ended. For now I will just tell you not to panic, what you're going through, while more extreme than most people feel, is not out of the ordinary. You have lost something precious and made some silly decisions in trying to get it back. We'll work thought this together and you'll feel better, I promise."

Blaine nodded trustingly.

"Now, do you know the number for the suicide hotline or the Trevor Project?"

"Yes," Blaine mumbled, embarrassed.

"And you have the number for my office. They can connect you to me directly if you need an emergency session. I'm concerned about your expression of suicidal thoughts even if you claim they weren't serious. If you start feeling that way talk to somebody, anybody, I don't care who, but do not stay silent. If you continue having these feelings I will have to transfer you to a psychiatrist who can prescribe medication to help you."

"I don't want another doctor," Blaine said suddenly, eyes wide and panic-stricken.

"No, no of course not but it's only if I think you need more help than just talking. At this point in time I don't think it's necessary but should these suicidal thoughts continue…" Dr Lyons gave him a sad look. "Just, don't bottle your feelings up, I know how prone you are to it."

Blaine nodded.

"Okay, that's our time. I'll schedule you in for next week, same day, same time. Is that okay?"

Blaine nodded once again and stood.

"Thank you Dr Lyons."

"Anytime, sweetheart. I'll see you next week."

Blaine left her office and filled out the forms at the reception desk, refusing to look over at where Sam and Nick were sitting, having demanded to come with him to the appointment. He trudged over to them when he was done, hands in pockets and eyed them unhappily.

"You seriously don't need to be here," he reminded them.

"How did it go?" Nick asked, ignoring his words.

Blaine shrugged. "I'm going to be seeing her for a while. I only really got through telling her every detail of mine and Kurt's relationship by the time the session was over."

"Is that necessary?" Sam wondered.

Blaine nodded. "She needs to understand what our relationship was like in order to help me understand why I've been reduced to this…" He indicated himself, the dark shadows under his eyes and the fading hickies on his throat.

"Well… milkshakes?" Nick suggested. Blaine actually smiled. "We always made you come out for milkshakes or ice cream after your sessions when you were at Dalton. Can we stick to that tradition?"

"Sure, call Jeff," Blaine sighed smile fading but a small twinkle remaining in his eyes as the boys left the office. Jeff met them at the diner they usually went to. Sam looking around in interest since it's his first time hanging out in Westerville.

"You guys come here a lot?" he asked when the woman behind the counter greeted them by name. "It's like we've stepped back in time. This is so cool."

Nick and Jeff weren't paying much attention, too caught up with each other, but Blaine just smiled at Sam as they slid into a booth.

"This is my favourite place to eat," he explained. "I used to bring Kurt here all the time when he started at Dalton."

Sam raised his eyebrows when Blaine said Kurt's name casually with no flinching. His eyes did turn sad but he didn't start crying at least. Blaine was gazing at a booth down in the corner, his mouth pulling down into a frown.

Sam rubbed his shoulder as a waitress came over.

"What can I get you boys?" she asked.

"Four chocolate milkshakes and four burgers," Nick piped up. "It's tradition," he added to Sam. Sam nodded, happy to go along with it.

"So… did you guys hear we're meeting you at Regionals?" Sam asked.

"Yes we did," Jeff replied. "I'm looking forward to a real competition this time. I hated that we only won because you guys were disqualified for a stupid reason. One of your team members fainted, they could have given you a chance."

Sam and Blaine both shrugged. "We're back in the game now, no need to worry about what's done. Just make sure you bring it."

"Oh we will," Nick smiled. "Seb and Hunter have been like drill sergeants. They won't stop going over a thousand numbers a week, trying to find something strong enough. Which is silly since we don't know what the theme is yet."

Blaine nodded in agreement, not really paying attention. He had no interest in singing at Regionals so he honestly didn't care. His mind was cast back to a happy memory of cuddling with Kurt in that corner booth, sneaking kisses from each other because the diner was almost empty and their waitress couldn't stop gushing over how cute they were so they felt safe enough to act like a couple. It was that night that he found out about the sensitive spot behind Kurt's collarbone that makes him moan and beg for more.

It was so frustrating that those wonderful memories were now painful for him. That he couldn't listen to _Teenage Dream, Blackbird, Candles, Somewhere Only We Know, Perfect, Baby It's Cold Outside, Let It Snow _or _White Christmas_ without being reduced to a pathetic ball of tears and screaming. He wanted so desperately to be able to remember the time he had with Kurt and smile because he'd been allowed to have it in the first place instead of crying because it was over. Why should he have to block out over two years of his life?

Blaine Anderson was going to get better, no matter what it took.


	10. Done

**Sorry for how long it took to update but be happy with the fact that it won't take that long again because I'm writing write now and I only have a few chapters to go. Just so you know time is going to jump forward a lot from this point on, I'm sorry if that bothers anyone but it needs to. There's also a note at the end since I don't want to spoil what's in the chapter.  
**

**I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and sorry for any mistakes but I'll edit it later, I promise :)  
**

* * *

_"What are you doing?" Kurt leant over the back of the couch to peer down at the notebook his boyfriend was scribbling in._

_"Nothing," he replied, promptly shutting it and turned to smile at Kurt with warm eyes and a dazzling smile. He sat it on the coffee table and patted his lap. "Come here."_

_Kurt smiled and shook his head. He leant down, wrapping his arms tightly around the shoulders of the man he loved more than anything else in this world. He nuzzled against his cheek, placing a gentle kiss there only the feel the stubble that had grown there during the day. He hummed and nuzzled there again. He always enjoyed that rough texture for some odd reason. He made a low growling sound in his throat._

_There was a chuckle in reply._

_"Do you want something, baby?"_

_"Just you," Kurt murmured, placing kitten licks along the stubble-covered jaw. "Come on Honey Bee. I want you naked and in bed right now while there's nobody else here."_

_Kurt yelped when suddenly he nearly fell over the couch as the body he was holding was torn from his embrace, only to be grabbed around the waist and lifted up in a fireman's carry. He giggled and then yelped again when a hand came down firmly on his ass._

_"Hey!" Kurt protested._

_"Come on, admit it, you like being spanked!"_

_Kurt didn't have time to respond when he was tossed down on the bed before being pinned, strong arms holding his down and a firmly muscled body pressed against his. He looked to the side with a coy smile._

_"Well, someone's eager," he joked._

_"You started this, don't play hard-to-get now."_

_"I wouldn't dream of it." Kurt leant his head up and captured supple lips with his, kissing earnestly. His man tasted of coffee and peppermint and something else. He broke the kiss and frowned accusingly. "Did you eat the crème brulee I made for dessert?"_

_A cheeky grin was the only response so Kurt avoided the next kiss aimed at his lips._

_"That was for dessert tonight!"_

_"I only sampled a little." A lithe tongue traced its way around his ear and Kurt shivered, eyes closing automatically. "It was fantastic."_

_"But-"_

_"Shh, no more talking."_

_"But – mmph..." Kurt hummed happily as he pressed his tongue into the other man's mouth, bucking his hips up as a prompt for more. He complied happily as gentle, slightly callused hands relieved them both of the barrier of clothes before tracing his body, every line and dip, his lips and tongue following in the wake of his fingers._

_Kurt was shivering and whining with need, his loss of coherence the only reason he hadn't demanded that he be fucked already despite how nice it was to be worshipped this way. He just really, really needed to feel closer._

_"Please," he panted, struggling to keep his thoughts straight._

_"Please what?"_

_"Please. Fuck me. I need it. Please." His words turned into a long moan as a hot, wet mouth wrapped around his hard cock, tongue performing sinful acts to shaft as he sunk down. "God _Blaine!_"_

Kurt tossed onto his back, eyes snapping open as his consciousness came to the realisation that his subconscious mind had decided to dream about having sex with Blaine and not Adam. It was all that surprising, really, when he considered his epiphany a few weeks ago after talking with Isabelle. But still... he'd been _trying_ to keep things going with Adam.

It just really wasn't working.

Kurt frowned when he realised his erection didn't seem to be going away.

That gave him two very irritating problems. One: whether he should get off thinking about Blaine since he was pretty sure it was the only thing that would work and then feel guilty afterwards or just go and have a freezing cold shower despite it being the start of March and the weather still being very cold. And two: should he just end things with Adam already?

Kurt decided to deal with his more pressing problem first and got up quietly to go take a shower. After a couple of minutes with cool water running over him and no difference to his aching member he decided, screw it, and turned the hot water on before gripping himself. His head fell back against the wall as he conjured up the perfect memory of Blaine's body, the one he hadn't visited in a long time. He thought of Blaine's beautiful tanned skin and the hard muscles underneath. How amazing his strong arms felt wrapped around Kurt's body as they kissed and rutted together.

Or the even more incredibly experience of that one time Blaine held him up against his bedroom door, fucking into him deep and slow, Kurt losing every shred of brain power and IQ and simply feeling.

Or the best thing they ever did. Slow, measured, passionate love-making. It didn't matter who topped or bottomed. It didn't matter when. And it didn't even matter where if that one time on the beach of the lake in the middle of the night was any indication. It was just them and their love, building up and falling over the edge together in a perfect moment of bliss.

Kurt came with that last thought, gasping out Blaine's name and he sank down to the floor of the shower, letting his thoughts clear and the guilt settle in.

Except it didn't come.

He sighed. That was the final sign. There was no point to this thing with Adam anymore. He only wanted Blaine and even though he was never going to get him back he couldn't keep leading somebody else on just to fill the void and convince himself he could move on.

It was with a heavy heart Kurt finished his shower and dressed, going to make breakfast even thought it was five am. He would just make _a lot_ of breakfast and hope Rachel and Brody were both hungry (he wouldn't be eating a thing).

As it turned out Brody was starving and ate quite a lot of what Kurt made while Rachel looked at him worriedly.

"I heard you moaning in your sleep, are you okay?" she eventually asked. Kurt flushed and glanced at Brody who was looking between them, waiting for the answer.

"Um... not really. I..." Kurt sighed and put his cup of coffee down. "I was dreaming about Blaine."

"I see..." Rachel took a breath, ready to launch into another one of her 'Adam is so much better for you' speeches but Brody cut her off.

"You know, I think if you've been with Adam since January and you're still having trouble with your feelings for Blaine, it's time to call it quits," Brody said. Kurt turned to him hopefully. Some good advice was just what he needed now. "Okay, this has nothing to do with picking someone over someone else, this has to do with you doing what's best for you. Right now, what's best for you might be flying solo. I mean, you can totally ignore me, I'm no expert, but just... you're in so much pain, just... take a break and work on you. New York is a great place to do that."

Rachel glowered at Brody but then sighed, admitting defeat.

Kurt got up, stepped around the table and hugged Brody tightly.

"Thank you," he sighed. "Thank you."

He grabbed his bag and left the loft where Brody just smiled happily and Rachel quietly reflected over how she might have been most unhelpful to Kurt lately.

* * *

Kurt showed up at Adam's dorm and knocked on the door nervously. It was opened by his roommate who smiled widely and let Kurt in before immediately leaving him.

"Have fun!" he chirped. "But stay off my bed."

Adam rolled his eyes while Kurt just shuffled uncomfortably.

"Hey, gorgeous," Adam greeted, pulling Kurt into his arms and kissing him firmly. "This is a nice surprise. I didn't think I'd be seeing you today. I thought you were working."

"Well, I am," Kurt explained. "I have an hour."

Adam grinned, eyes warm and Kurt felt so bad. Why did he have to be so excited at the prospect of spending time with him? It made this so much harder.

But he was sure this was the right thing to do. For himself anyway. And right now, he knew he needed to focus on what he needed and not anybody else. In the long run it would be better for Adam anyway. Kurt couldn't ever love him, he knew that now and Adam would understand eventually.

"An hour? Well, I can think of a lot we can do in an hour."

Adam leant in to kiss Kurt again but Kurt turned his head and Adam's lips caught the edge of his jaw. The older man didn't seem to mind; he tightened his arms around Kurt and mouthed down to his neck.

"No," Kurt protested, struggling. "Adam, stop. I can't do this."

Adam frowned and looked up. Kurt gently pushed his arms away and took a few steps back, breathing in deeply, plucking up his courage.

"What's wrong?" Adam wondered. "You know... we've been together a while and I know you're not a virgin-"

"Adam, stop," Kurt said, holding up a hand. "I can't. Not with you."

Irritation flashed across Adam's face. "What does that mean?"

"I don't love you. I _can't_ love you," Kurt whispered. "And I can't do that with somebody I don't love. I'm _sorry_ but that's how it is." Kurt shut his eyes and massaged his temples. "I've been forcing myself to try and make this work but I can't keep pretending I'm not still in love with Blaine, it's killing both of us because I know you know." He looked up at his about to be ex-boyfriend pleadingly, begging him to understand. "I can't have him but I refuse to hurt both of us by pretending I can get over him. I can't. Not right now anyway and not like this."

Adam looked to this side. "So, you're breaking up with me?"

"I am," Kurt affirmed. "Please, I'm so sorry. But..."

"Yeah, I get it." Adam rolled his eyes, refusing to look at Kurt. "But if you expect me to forgive you-"

"I don't," Kurt shook his head quickly. "I just need you to know that I'm sorry and... I'll just go." He knew Adam wasn't going to respond to any of his attempts to make things alright so he thought it was best just to get out of there. "I'll see you in class."

Adam nodded sadly and peeked sideways at Kurt as he went to the door.

"I was starting to love you, you know," he whispered.

"I know," Kurt replied, glancing back. "I wanted you to. I thought it would help."

"But it didn't."

Kurt shrugged helplessly and left. He waited for a moment in the hall to see if he would feel any semblance of the crushing weight he'd felt in Battery Park when Blaine had revealed the truth about his infidelity.

Nothing.

A little relief.

A little regret.

Nothing else.

Kurt frowned and wandered off. He supposed the feeling of self-enlightenment would come when he actually found something to enlighten him about who he was now and who he wanted to be.

Or... maybe his dad was right. Maybe nothing about him needed to change. He just needed to be the same Kurt he'd always been despite not having Blaine. He didn't need other people to define him. He was Kurt Hummel and that was all he ever needed to be.

Smiling slightly he began making his way towards the Vogue offices. His mood was dampened slightly when he found Rachel waiting for him in his office.

"I'm not here to berate you," she promised. "Brody had... _words_ with me about that. He reminded me that you and I are not the same and you are capable of running your own life. I'm sorry."

"Good," Kurt replied. Then he smiled and held his arms out. "Hug?"

Rachel smiled with great relief and leapt into his arms, squeezing him tightly.

"I called Tina," she explained when they pulled apart. "I wanted to check up on Blaine for you since I figured they might not want to hear from you."

Kurt groaned. "Rachel, if you had taken the time to listen to me you'd know I'm staying right out of his life so we can both heal and grow up a little."

"I know but... I think you want to hear this."

Kurt sat down and looked up expectantly.

"Blaine hasn't sung or played any music since that weekend," Rachel explained, her expression relating clearly how much this distressed her. Kurt looked away, the guilt he thought he'd feel for breaking up with Adam reaching him now. But now it was for Blaine because he had done that to him. Before that weekend Blaine and Kurt had spent hours each week discussing what song he should sing for his NYADA audition if he was shortlisted.

Kurt dropped his face into his hands and groaned.

"I've ruined his chances of getting into NYADA," he said and looked up at Rachel. "He hasn't sang one word?"

"None. He mouths in Glee rehearsals."

Kurt shook his head slowly. "I need to fix this."

"You just said-"

"I know but... he needs to be at NYADA, you know that. If he flops his audition because he refuses to sing..." Kurt's heart tightened. "I won't be the reason he doesn't get in."

"I have an idea!" Rachel announced, eyes alight with a gleam Kurt hadn't seen in a long time. It felt comforting to him – some of the old Rachel was still in there.

"Hit me," Kurt decided, taking the risk.

* * *

"Ms Tibideux?" Kurt peered into her office and the woman glanced up at him and with a quirk of his eyebrows invited him in. "I... uh... I was wondering if you could tell me what date you've set for Blaine Anderson's NYADA audition?"

Carmen half smiled. "Who said Blaine Anderson got a NYADA callback?"

Kurt's eyes widened and he blinked. "No, you're not serious. If he didn't get-"

"Relax, Mr Hummel. Mr Anderson has been sent his finalist letter. He should have received it a couple of weeks ago."

Kurt sighed in relief. "So... is it soon?"

"Why do you need to know?" Carmen set aside her paperwork and clasped her hands, looking at Kurt curiously. Kurt looked at the chair opposite her desk and she nodded for him to sit.

"Well... I don't know if you remember, but Blaine was at my audition," Kurt began. "He's my boy- ex boyfriend. Some stuff happened between us last month and… well, we were both pretty messed up afterwards, him more than me. Our friends told Rachel and I that he hasn't been singing… at all, which is so wrong and bad for him. Blaine used to sing all the time – driving, doing chores, choosing outfits – _all the time_. Now he doesn't even hum and he won't touch his piano or guitar. It's not normal. He uses music as an emotional outlet and if he isn't singing..."

Kurt sighed deeply and Carmen waited patiently.

"Blaine deserves, more than everyone else you've given an audition to, to come here," Kurt said, eyes burning fiercely in a way that made Carmen smile. "He's more talented than half the people who are already here. He _needs_ to be here and I refuse to be the cause of him not being accepted. I just… if he hasn't started performing again by the time his callback comes around…" Kurt reached into his bag and withdrew some discs. "This is a performance of West Side Story where he played Tony, and this is a disc with his audition for Grease and the scene where he played Teen Angel."

"He didn't get the lead?" Carmen asked with raised eyebrows.

"Um… it was not long after we broke up, he didn't want to play Danny since it's a romance." Kurt shrugged helplessly. "Oh and this one has some performances from when he was the lead soloist for the Dalton Academy Warblers and just some ones he did for Glee Club. It's just that… he needs a chance for you to see how brilliant of a performer his is. Nobody can bring a song to life the way he can, nobody puts as much of themself into a performance as he does. He was born to perform and you need to be able to see that."

Carmen studied Kurt's fierce expression and held her hands out. "Protocol says I need to see his audition but it can't hurt to watch some performances where his nerves might not be so drawn."

Kurt sighed in relief and let her take the discs. "Um… those are my only copies… would I be able to get them back?"

She smiled. "Of course, Mr Hummel. You may go."

"Thank you so much… you'll see how good he is."

She nodded, watching him leave, that small smile still in place, just as impressed with him now as she had been the first time she watched him sing.

* * *

Blaine wandered into Glee rehearsal with his eyes on his phone, concentrating on a game of Tetris with single-minded determination: he was going to beat his high score!

Most of the Glee Club rehearsals went like this for Blaine. He'd lost his will to sing recently. He hadn't found much of a reason. Dr Lyons said he needed to start singing again since it was a good emotional outlet for him. But he just couldn't seem to find any reason to sing.

Today his interest was aroused for the first time in weeks by the first words out of Finn's mouth:

"The theme for this year's Regionals is passion," Finn announced. "I'm guessing we're supposed to interpret it in a non-sexual way."

"Well obviously," Tina agreed. "There are plenty of kinds of passion though."

"Yeah, like hatred and passion for your dreams," Marley agreed.

"So, we just need to figure out what kinds of passion we want to represent," Finn said. "I was thinking we pick a different kind for each number. I want a solo, a duet and then a group number."

"I want the solo," Blaine said suddenly, his mouth speaking before his brain had completely made a conscious decision. Everyone turned to stare at him. He was even shocked by what he'd said but he suddenly realised it was what he wanted. Performing. Not just singing but actually getting up on a stage and performing for an audience who would listen to him and feel whatever emotion he sent to them. It was perfect.

"No offence dude but you haven't sung in a month," Jake said. "Are you going to be able to pull it off?"

Blaine shot him a dark look and then looked at Finn who seemed to be in agreement.

"You could lead in the group number," Finn offered.

"No. I want the solo," Blaine repeated. "Are you honestly going to tell me there is someone in this room with more emotion than me? Someone who needs to put their feelings into a song more than I do?"

"I... well... no," Finn admitted.

"I know the perfect song too. It fits, don't worry. And I _will_ be ready and I'll blow them away," Blaine finished shooting a look at Jake who held up his hands in surrender.

"Okay now, for the other numbers..."

* * *

**Sorry if anybody thought the break up was too... stitled or impersonal but I wanted it to be like that. It was supposed to be Kurt fully realising that it's not something he wanted so he didn't want to put an enormous amount of effort into it (especially since it was a snap decision made right that morning). Anyway, next chapter will be up soon :)**


	11. Never

**After this chapter is when the time skips start. For your reference this chapter takes place on Friday the 15th of March 2013 and the following day. This is the regionals chapter and I want to do a huge rant about what they did to the Warblers in the last episode but I think I shall refrain (imagine me sitting here with a twitching eye at the effort it is taking not for me to go off my nut about the HGH thing...). Anywho, enjoy.**

**I do not claim ownership of the song, it belongs to the amazing Katy Perry, all bow at her feet for writing amazing songs for Darren to then perform better than her :P  
**

* * *

Kurt decided another break from New York was what he needed and since Adam had paid for his last trip home (despite Kurt's major protests) he had the money to do so. He cut out on his classes on Friday even though he knew he shouldn't. His dad's look of happiness when he opened the door to see his son standing there was worth it.

So Kurt made them both coffee and sat down to catch up. His dad asked about Adam and Kurt shrugged one shoulder.

"I broke up with him last week," Kurt explained.

Burt just raised his eyebrows meaning he wanted more than that.

"I did what you suggested and I spent a lot of time thinking about all my actions and what they mean. And it seems everybody knew but me that I'm still in love with Blaine." Kurt sighed sadly. "Why does love have to suck so bad?"

"If it didn't then it wouldn't feel as good as it does," his father replied with a smile. "Have you spoken to Blaine?"

"NO!" Kurt said with wide eyes. "And don't you tell him I came home."

Burt seemed taken aback. "Any reason?"

"It's better for me –and him really – if we're apart. At least for now. I'm going to see him next year at NYADA, that's soon enough. Maybe by then he'll forgive me for how I treated him and we can start over as friends. But right now it would do more harm than good for us to see each other."

Burt nodded understandingly.

"That's too bad though. I guess you'll have to hang around here alone for a little while this afternoon," he said. Kurt frowned. "Today is their Regionals and I promised both Finn and Blaine I'd make it to watch. Blaine's doing the solo. You'll be okay here on your own?"

Kurt frowned. "Blaine's singing again?"

Burt smiled. "Come and see for yourself."

"But-"

"We'll make sure he doesn't see you if you're that determined but just come, maybe you'll find that it'll be good you. Both of you."

Kurt hesitated but his dad looked so sure that he had no choice but to agree and a few hours later found himself sitting in McKinley's auditorium for the first time since November when he watched Grease. He felt weird and he hoped nobody would see him and inform Blaine he was there. They had chosen to arrive as close to the start as they could to lessen the chances of him being spotted.

Now he was just nervous. He decided to call Rachel and see if she wanted to listen to the competition. She didn't answer so Kurt switched his phone off and shrunk in his seat. Part of him didn't want to be here. What if Blaine saw him and froze on stage like he almost did during Grease? They would lose and it would be Kurt's fault.

"Stop thinking so hard, your brain will melt," Burt chastised.

"Ha ha," Kurt responded sardonically but he didn't have much of a chance to say or do anything else because the competition was starting. First up was the Unitards and Kurt scowled down at Harmony, taking pleasure in the fact that he was at NYADA and she still had another year of high school to complete after this one.

Then the Warblers were up and Kurt winced and sank further into his seat, praying none of them would see him. He wouldn't put it past them to corner him and exact every means of torture they could think of him.

And he wouldn't blame them.

When the New Directions were announced Kurt sat up, leaning forward in seat and covering his mouth to stop any sounds escaping as he knew would happen when he saw Blaine.

The curtains opened and Blaine was standing centre stage. Kurt barely noticed that some of the girls were behind him to sing back up, his eyes were trained entirely on the love of his life. Kurt could see from here that he looked drawn and not himself but he was wearing a determined expression.

Kurt felt himself smile a little at getting to see him again. His arms ached to hold Blaine, to tell him that he still loved him and promise he would never hurt him again if they could be together. He wanted to leap out of his seat and run onto the stage, proclaiming his love for Blaine in front of the entire audience.

All of that was smacked out of him when the music started and he recognised the song.

He didn't even have the heart to roll his eyes at Blaine's choice to sing yet another Katy Perry song. He was just too shocked that he was even doing this...

Ouch.

_Days like this I want to drive away  
Pack my bags and watch your shadow fade  
You chewed me up and spit me out  
Like I was poison in your mouth  
You took my light, you drained me down  
But that was then and this is now  
Now look at me_

As he sang the first verse the girls backed him up and Blaine wove between them as they danced, singing with an expression Kurt had never actually seen on his face. He genuinely meant these words.

The NYADA freshman suddenly wanted to sprint out of the auditorium and cry but he was frozen in place.

_This is the part of me  
That you're never gonna ever take away from me, no  
This is the part of me  
That you're never gonna ever take away from me, no  
Throw your sticks and your stones, throw your bombs and your blows  
But you're not gonna break my soul  
This is the part of me  
That you're never gonna ever take away from me, no_

Blaine danced in unison with the girls during the chorus before separating for the second verse when the boys came out and partnered with the girls to dance. Kurt couldn't drag his eyes from Blaine though and the emotion he was pouring into his words.

_I just wanna throw my phone away  
Find out who is really there for me  
You ripped me off, your love was cheap  
Was always tearing at the seams  
I fell deep, you let me down  
But that was then and this is now  
Now look at me_

_This is the part of me  
That you're never gonna ever take away from me, no  
This is the part of me  
That you're never gonna ever take away from me, no  
Throw your sticks and your stones, throw your bombs and your blows  
But you're not gonna break my soul  
This is the part of me  
That you're never gonna ever take away from me, no_

Blaine walked away to the very front of the stage for the bridge the others moving back so everyone's attention was one hundred percent on Blaine as he sang the last parts of the song. They'd adjusted the arrangement so Blaine could show off the power of his voice a little more and it was incredibly but Kurt was just numb, eyes wide, frozen in his seat as each word pelted into his heart, ripping like a dagger.

_Now look at me I'm sparkling  
A firework, a dancing flame  
You won't ever put me out again  
I'm glowin', oh whoa  
So you can keep the diamond ring  
It don't mean nothing anyway  
In fact you can keep everything yeah, yeah  
Except for me_

_This is the part of me  
That you're never gonna ever take away from me, no  
This is the part of me  
That you're never gonna ever take away from me, no  
Throw your sticks and your stones, throw your bombs and your blows  
But you're not gonna break my soul  
This is the part of me  
That you're never gonna ever take away from me, no_

When the audience stood the clap Kurt took his chance and left the auditorium as quickly as he could before his father could stop him. He ran outside into the parking lot where he leant on his father's car and sank onto the asphalt.

This felt just as bad as that night in New York. His heart had just been ripped to shreds.

This time he had nobody to blame but himself though. If he'd just been a little stronger than Blaine would still love him and wouldn't have sang that song about him.

Kurt let out a choked cry and curled into himself tightly. Why wouldn't it stop? This constant pain was such a burden.

He wanted to rewind time and do everything differently.

He would do anything.

Change anything.

He just wanted Blaine back.

He wasn't sure how long he was crying by himself but soon his dad found him and helped him into the car, taking him home and putting him to bed where he just hugged a pillow to his chest and thought about Blaine and cried.

He wanted to stay away from Blaine, he did, but he didn't want Blaine to hate him. He wanted them to find some way to reconcile in the future. Even if they were only ever friends. But how could the even be that if Blaine hated him? That was what that song told him. Blaine was over him and didn't want him around anymore.

Kurt could do that. He thought anyway...

He could try.

He could do that at least.

Try.

* * *

"You were incredible!" Sugar gushed, leaping at Blaine and hugging him as they came off stage after their group performance.

Blaine smiled and laughed as everyone bombarded him with hugs. He returned all the compliments. They were all incredible in his eyes. They deserved to win and he knew they would. And boy did he feel better now that he'd done that.

All the negative thoughts he'd had were gone and now he could just focus on the good ones and being himself again. That had been his goal when he chose that song. It let him release every bad thought he'd had about Kurt and crumble them into dust. Now he was just left with the good ones and that was the healthier way to be. He could look back now and remember their relationship as a good thing and not feel guilty about how much he loved him.

"Dude," was all Sam said before he hugged Blaine tightly to whisper in his ear, "I'm proud of you. So proud."

Blaine held back a sob and tightened his hold on Sam. "Thank you."

They all waited for Finn to join them and he did with a huge smile, congratulating them but he kept glancing at his phone.

"What is it?" Blaine wondered as everyone went to get drinks and cool down as they waited for the judges to finish deliberating.

"Burt left early," Finn frowned. "I saw him walking out. I'm waiting for him to call me back."

"He left?" Blaine asked, eyes widening.

"After your solo, don't worry." Finn smiled reassuringly at Blaine who felt childish for how relieved he was. His own parents could never make it to these things though and it meant the world that Burt had come to watch and he would have felt hurt if he'd walked out during his solo. Finn's phone rang and he answered. "Hey!"

Blaine watched Finn's face closely. He hoped Burt didn't leave because he wasn't feeling well.

"Oh..." Finn frowned and glanced sideways at Blaine with a funny expression. The former-Warbler frowned. What was that for? What did he do? "Okay... yep... right... Okay, bye."

Finn hung up.

"Why'd he leave?" Blaine wondered suspiciously.

"He wasn't feeling too good," Finn lied badly.

"Finn-"

"We need all of you on stage now!" a manager announced at the door to the choir room. Finn looked relieved and immediately put the rest of the team between he and Blaine for the rest of the afternoon so he couldn't be interrogated. Blaine frowned unhappily. What was being kept from him? Why would Burt and Finn keep something from him?

Unless...

No, impossible.

Although... maybe Burt realised Blaine was singing about Kurt and was offended.

Blaine's eyes widened. God... he'd have to go and apologise. He'd do that tonight.

Blaine was so caught up with his thoughts he barely noticed they were declared the winners until the trophy was thrust into his hands and he was hoisted up onto Sam and Joe's shoulders.

"Whoa! Hey!" he protested, laughing.

They carried him off and forced him to join them at Breadstix for a celebration so Blaine didn't get a chance to drop in to see Burt until the next day where he as assured that the older man had in fact been feeling unwell and he thought Blaine performed amazingly. Blaine wasn't completely reassured but accepted the reasoning and allowed himself to be kicked out of the Hudmel house earlier than he would ordinarily leave, wondering what was going on with that family.

He was getting in his car and fiddling with the stereo so he didn't notice the curtains of Kurt's old bedroom flicker as the boy occupying the room peered out after Blaine longingly, making a silent vow to keep away from him at the same time wishing for him to come back to him.


	12. Everything

**And another  
**

**Song in this one is owned by Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber, aka the greatest thing to happen to Broadway. It's actually one of my very favourite ALW songs. This chapter takes place in April :)  
**

* * *

Over the next month Blaine became increasingly worried about his NYADA audition. It was so close now and he hadn't even picked a song. He's been too panicked after Regionals because he'd finally gotten it out of Finn that the reason Burt had left was because Kurt was with him. That mean Kurt had heard him sing. Kurt had been there but hadn't wanted to see him.

Then Blaine wondered what he thought when he heard him singing _Part of _Me.

Tina reminded him of their upcoming auditions when she asked him to listen to her rendition of_ Memory _from _Cats_ and he realised he didn't have a song sending him into a panic attack.

Help came however from a most unlikely source: his father.

He and Blaine were having breakfast together on one of his father's very rare days off. Mr Anderson was sipping coffee as Blaine flicked through all the songbooks he owned for Broadway shows and he huffed angrily.

"What's up?"

Blaine glanced up. He wasn't still completely used to his father taking an interest in him.

"My NYADA audition is in two weeks and I haven't even chosen a song, let alone rehearsed it enough," Blaine said, gulping down his fourth cup of coffee that morning. He went to pour another but his father confiscated the jug and nodded pointedly at Blaine's trembling fingers as he nearly tore a page clean out of the book he was currently looking in filled with Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber's music.

"Do you have to do a show tune?"

"Well, it's expected. NYADA is a Broadway school."

Mr Anderson nodded and took another sip of coffee. "Well, sing whatever feels right to your heart. That works best for you, I think. So... here." He took the book and flipped through until he reached a song and passed it back to Blaine. Blaine blinked down at the page and then up at his father in shock. "Dad...?"

"Hey, your mother loves Andrew Lloyd Webber. I'm bound to pick up something." He chuckled as Blaine smiled slowly. He looked back down at the song and shook his head slowly. "Is that not right? Is it not in your range or something?"

"No, Dad, it's perfect. Thank you." Blaine jumped up and hugged his father tightly. "I need to go and practise. Thank you, so much."

He bound out the door leaving Mr Anderson wondering if he should really let his son drive after how much caffeine he'd ingested.

Blaine was perfectly fine on the road as he put his chosen song on his iPod and began to sing along, testing his voice and yes, he could reach each note Michael Ball did on the soundtrack. Good. Now, to find a way to make it _his_ so Carmen would see him shine.

Then he could be accepted.

He could go to NYADA.

He could see Kurt again.

* * *

In New York Kurt was being pestered by Rachel to try out for the Spring Musical NYADA was putting on but Kurt really couldn't be bothered. He was having enough trouble catching up to everyone without adding that extra stress to his plate.

He was saved from her though by Carmen Tibideux beckoning to him from down the hall. Rachel stared at him jealously as he excused himself and went to the Dean.

"Yes?" he wondered.

"I wanted to return these," Carmen explained. "I'm about to head off and watch the auditions of all the called back applicants outside of New York and New Jersey."

"When-"

"Mr Anderson's audition is the 12th of April, as well as Miss Cohen-Chang's, I believe she was a friend of yours too?" Carmen wondered. Kurt nodded numbly.

"What did you think?" Kurt asked, holding up the DVDs.

Carmen studied him for a moment.

"Mr Anderson is a very passionate and talented young man. Good day Mr Hummel." She smiled at him and walked off.

Kurt beamed at her retreating back.

* * *

Blaine tried not to think about how a year ago he was watching Kurt give an outstanding performance of _Not The Boy Next Door_ on this stage for this same woman. Instead he slipped into that familiar mask of a performer and raised his head to look up at Carmen Tibideux.

"Hello, I'm Blaine Anderson and I'll be singing _Love Changes Everything_ from Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber's _Aspects of Love_," he announced clearly. He tilted his head and nodded to Brad who began to play. Blaine shut his eyes briefly, throwing away everything except Kurt.

Kurt's smile.

Kurt's warmth.

His laugh.

Everything.

Because that is what this song was to him. This song was what he had learnt about love since he'd met one Kurt Hummel. So while he knew Dr Lyons might be disappointed in him because he wasn't supposed to be focusing on those feelings at all, he needed them now. They fuelled this performance.

And no matter how hard he might try, they would never leave him.

_Love  
Love changes everything  
Hands and faces, Earth and sky_

_Love  
Love changes everything  
How you live and how you die_

_Love can make the summer fly  
Or a night seem like a lifetime_

_Yes, love  
Love changes everything  
Now I tremble at your name_

_Nothing in the world will ever be the same_

Blaine took a deep breath. He had practically forgotten what he was singing for, his mind so consumed with Kurt. He felt tears beginning in his eyes. This song held such truth. He wondered how much Mr Webber had to go through in his life to be able to write such a beautiful, meaningful song. Had he suffered the way Blaine and Kurt had? Had he lost love and struggled to hold onto it, hoping that he might defy reality and get it back someday?

_Love  
Love changes everything  
Days are longer, words mean more_

_Love  
Love changes everything  
Pain is deeper than before_

Blaine hoped Carmen had noticed him nearly stumble over that line. He pulled himself together and surged on, a tear rolling down his cheek as the next lines passed his lips.

_Love will turn your world around  
And that world will last forever_

Blaine was the living breathing proof of such a thing. Even with all the pain and hurt his love for Kurt remained as strong as it had always been. Nothing could shatter such a love.

_Yes, love  
Love changes everything  
Brings you glory, brings you shame_

_Nothing in the world will ever be the same_

Blaine's voice grew stronger as he moved into the final parts of the song, opening his eyes and looking up to where Finn and Sam were sitting in the audience, watching him with smiles. He glanced at Carmen but her expression gave nothing away.

In the end it didn't matter. This was all he had to give and she would just have to take him on it or he would go somewhere else for college.

_Off into the world we go  
Planning futures, shaping years  
Love bursts in and suddenly  
All our wisdom disappears_

_Love makes fools of everyone  
All the rules we made are broken_

_Yes, love,  
Love changes everyone  
Live or perish in its flame_

_Love will never, never let you be the same_

Blaine stopped singing and wiped a hand over his cheeks, removing the stray tears and taking a shuddering breath.

There was silence throughout the auditorium.

Carmen made several notes before looking at him.

"I will be honest with you Mr Anderson," she said firmly. Blaine's heart dropped. "When I came here today I had already made up my mind about you."

Blaine's eyes widened. "But... but that's not fair I-"

"You see, a very persuasive young man came to me at NYADA, concerned that due to personal circumstances you might not be able to perform to the best of your ability today," Carmen continued over the top of Blaine. Blaine's heart began racing. Was she talking about Kurt? "It's not normally something I care about but... something told me to listen to him. I watched several DVDs of your performances and developed great expectations for what I might see here today though I knew they most likely would not be met."

Blaine frowned. So... did that mean he hadn't done as well as she'd hoped so he wasn't in? Or was he in because of the DVDs she'd watched of him? He was confused and held his breath waiting for more.

"I am so very pleased both Mr Hummel and myself were proven wrong," Carmen finished, smiling. "Today you exceeded my expectations and I look forward to working with you in the future."

Blaine gasped and his entire face lit up with a smile.

"You... you mean I... really?" He pressed a hand to his thundering heart. "Oh... I – thank you... I..." Blaine gave a tiny hand gesture as he became too choked up to speak and rushed off stage to find somewhere to break down privately.

He had so much to think about. He leant on the wall backstage and took deep calming breaths until he was sure he wouldn't cry and was able to replay Carmen's words calmly. She had pretty much just insinuated he was going to be accepted to NYADA.

That meant New York.

That meant Broadway.

That meant Kurt.

Blaine had so many people he needed to call, starting with his brother so he whipped out his phone and pulled up his contacts. His hands were shaking so badly that he missed the Cs and went to the Js, right underneath them the Ks.

He stopped.

Blaine examined Kurt's number and his thumb hovered over it, seriously considering calling him. He couldn't believe Kurt had done that for him. After everything.

"What are you doing?"

Blaine glanced around at Sam who peered over his shoulder. He blinked and then his eyes narrowed.

"No," he said, snatching Blaine's phone.

"Sam-"

"No. Blaine, you can't seriously want to talk to him. After everything he did?"

"After..." Blaine sighed and shook his head. "Sam, give me phone." He waited until it was back in his hand until he spoke again. "I know that it seemed pretty bad and it felt pretty bad for me but... he was just as confused and hurt and vulnerable that weekend as I was. In fact, if I hadn't asked him – begged him, really – he probably would have left and a few weeks later we might have managed to patch things up. The thing is, I knew he was about to get up and leave and I was scared of that so I did the first thing I could think of. It was quite possibly the worst thing I could have asked for but... what's done is done, it was as much my fault as his. At Christmas he accepted his part in our breaking up so I have to accept my part in what happened too. It's part of forgiveness. I've forgiven him and accepted my part of the blame. I can only hope one day he'll forgive me too and maybe we can be friends again."

"You and Kurt will never just be friends," Sam sighed. "You're still in love with him."

"I know but it's better now." Blaine smiled softly. "It doesn't hurt anymore. I mean... I still wish I hadn't made the stupid decisions I did but it's part of life isn't it? You make mistakes, you accept them and you move on. It's what I have to do now. You wanted me to get better, well guess what, this is me better. Even Dr Lyons thinks I'm doing great. Sam... Carmen pretty much just said I got into NYADA, I'm going to see him around. I'd like to be able to see if I can talk to him without feeling bad now so that I don't run into him somewhere at the school and fall into a heap because I wasn't prepared."

Sam tilted his head. "Okay, I get that but... not now."

"Why? There isn't a better time. He vouched for me because he knew I might not be up to performing today. He didn't have to do that for me but he did. He still cares. I don't care whether it's friendship, or some form of guilt, or – dare I even think it – love. There's still a part of him that believes in me and cares for me... I want to find out if this means things are healable. Dr Lyons said the best thing I can do to recover completely is find total reconciliation with Kurt. That starts with finding out if he's forgiven me like I've forgiven him. Do you get it?"

"I suppose..." Sam still looked concerned. "But... didn't he hear you sing _Part of Me_ at Regionals? Couldn't he be pretty hurt?"

Blaine frowned. "He would be well within his right to be..." Then he smiled and lifted his phone, tapping out a message and sending it. "There. Now he can delete it if he doesn't want to hear from me and if he wants to he can know I'm grateful for what he did."

* * *

Kurt glanced up as his phone buzzed beside him on the bed. He grabbed it and saw Blaine's name on the new message. Heart pounding – unsure whether to be nervous or excited – he opened it and read it quickly. It wasn't much but his heart still soared.

_Thank you. I guess I'll be seeing you at NYADA in the fall :)_

It didn't hint at anything more than just Blaine obviously knowing that Kurt had gone to Carmen on his behalf and knew that his place at the school was practically guaranteed – after his conversation with Ms Tibideux after class he had no doubt she had been gobsmacked by Blaine, even if her version of gobsmacked was very milk compared to most. Kurt knew calling him was probably out of the question, neither of them was ready for that just yet.

But he could respond, right?

_You're welcome. You belong here, I knew you'd kill it :)_

He sent it after several moments of wondering if it was too familiar.

He got a smile in return and Kurt sighed happily. Blaine appreciated his gesture of love (even if he might not know that that was what it was). This was perfect. It wasn't big, not in anybody's eyes, but to Kurt it was beyond what he could have dreamed. After everything, after both of their mistakes, they were managed to very slowly begin to forgive each other.

And one day Kurt would make sure Blaine knew his heart belonged to him and that if Blaine wanted it, his arms were ready and waiting to have him back in them.

Miles and miles away Blaine was thinking the exact same things.


	13. Forever

**Okay second last chapter. I feel so accomplished today. I finished packing for uni (mostly, it's just the last of my clothes left and I need them since it's a week and a half until I go) and I finished this story :) Yay!  
**

**Thank you guys so much for your gorgeous reviews of the last few chapters. I'm so glad everyone's enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. But at the same time I'm glad it's done. Writing angst makes me feel really sad all the time until it's done. Enjoy :)  
**

* * *

It was another long week before Blaine had the courage to text Kurt again. It was nothing important, just _good morning _coupled with a smiley face. He received one in return and went through the entire day feeling light and giddy. Everyone who passed him in the hall did a double-take, confused by the bright smile on their President's face. Blaine ignored their confused looks. Nothing could bring him down.

He felt amazing.

Dr Lyons noticed too.

"I don't think I've suddenly "snapped out of it" or anything like that," Blaine pondered at his next appointment when she asked what his friends thought of his change. "It's been gradual. Regionals helped because it let me get rid of all those bad feelings and then knowing Kurt had done something to look out for me without me even knowing..." He shrugged. "I'm starting to feel like maybe it is possible to move past everything that happened. And more than that I feel like I'm actually going on without him instead of just existing, waiting for the chance for us to get back together."

"What do you mean?"

Blaine shifted in seat as he thought over his words. "After we broke up I felt like I was wandering around in a different world to everyone else, one where I was pretending I was doing okay but really... not. I wasn't actually doing well because I wasn't trying to move on with my life, I was existing in a state where I was waiting for Kurt to take me back. But now... now, I feel like I'm doing the right thing. I haven't just forgotten him or anything but I am still living. That's healthy, right?"

"Of course it is," Dr Lyons responded with a smile. "You don't feel the need to constantly check your phone for messages from him, feel yourself wondering what he'd think of you every time you do something?"

Blaine shook his head. "Of course I think of him and I wonder how he's doing but it's not like... I'll stop existing if he doesn't validate my existence anymore. I really hope he's doing the same. I think if we can both get to the point where we're totally independent then we can go back to depending on each other. God, that sounds crazy."

"No, it's perfect. And you're right. If you both get to that point where you've moved on from what happened and don't feel the need to always be together or talking then you can go back to always being together and talking. But because you want to and love each other and not because you're much too co-dependent."

Blaine grinned. "I'm nearly there."

"I believe you're right."

* * *

For Kurt it was exactly the same. It took some serious tough love from Rachel, Brody and Isabelle but he managed to get out of the funk he put himself in when he realised Blaine was moving on. He realised that didn't matter. If Blaine moved on and if Kurt got over the hurt then the next time they saw each other none of the bad feelings would be there, they'd just see each other and it would be like it always had been: good and right.

After the first good morning messages between he and Blaine things increased a little. They started sending each other good morning messages and after a week they evolved into goodnight messages too.

Then one day Kurt was finishing dance and without even thinking sent Blaine a text complaining about how sore he was. He was surprised when a minute later he actually receieved a reply.

_Hot shower. Hot chocolate. Moulin Rouge. Feel better, KK_

There was a smile after the 'feel better' and Kurt stopped in the middle of the hall to stare at his phone screen. Blaine's recommendation was of course the most perfect thing he could ask for but what really got him was the use of an old name Blaine used to use when he was being especially cute. It started out as him calling Kurt 'my kitty' because of how catty he could get when he was grouchy, which then evolved into 'my Kurt Kitten' and then eventually became 'KK' for short because Kurt was embarrassed at the idea of anyone finding out Blaine's special name for him.

Kurt chewed his lip for a moment before sending a reply.

_Thank you, Honey Bee_

He hoped Blaine would have the same response to his own special pet name.

The only reply was a smiley face so Kurt felt accomplished.

There was silence besides good morning and goodnight for another few days until Kurt received a picture message when he was cooking dinner.

It was of the McKinley gym having decorations put up. It looked amazing. Everything was in black, red or white. It was tasteful and the furthest from tacky Kurt had ever seen the McKinley gym.

_What do you think? Prom is this Saturday and I decided that instead of a theme (how tacky!) we'd just have a colour scheme. Are you proud of how great my design is?_

Kurt laughed and typed back that yes, he was very proud, it looked amazing.

_Success, Kurt Hummel tick of approval!_

Kurt laughed out loud.

"What's funny?" Rachel asked. She went to get a glass of water, watching Kurt with a tiny smile.

"Blaine's decorating the gym for prom," Kurt explained. Rachel smiled knowingly. "So... you're really not going to protest this?"

"Nope. I'm done interfering. So long as you two don't hurt each other and you can make it work a second time around then I'm happy for you."

"I don't think this'll be anything more than friendship for a long time, if ever," Kurt shrugged. "But he's my best friend. It's impossible to stay away."

Rachel leant over and kissed his cheek. "You'll find your way back to each other, just wait and see."

Kurt smiled, hoping she was right.

* * *

On the night of prom Blaine stood by the punch watching all the couples dancing. He had opted to sing every slow song for the night so that all his friends could dance with their dates. He found it funny that he stood here reminiscing about both proms he attended with Kurt and none of it hurt. It just felt nice to remember how he'd learnt to face his fears but Kurt's side, how proud he was of his boyfriend for standing up to everyone, how nice it was to dance with the boy he loved more than anything, how wonderful it was to have Kurt assure him he looked great with his wild curls all over the place and not be ashamed to be seen with him.

Blaine smiled slightly and shook his head.

"Blaine, I want you to dance with me."

Blaine looked up in surprise at Marley.

"Jake will be put out," Blaine chastised. "I'm good here."

"Dance with me," Marley insisted. "Are you really going to say no to me? I'll be hurt!" She pouted adorably so Blaine agreed. "What were you thinking about just then?"

"All the good memories from the last two of these I came to," Blaine explained without hesitation. "It's weird... but none of it hurts anymore. It's just... good. It makes me feel the same way it always has: like I can take on the world."

Marley smiled. "So... no more depressed Blaine?"

"Nope."

"Good. So, two weeks until Nationals," Marley hummed. "Finn said you'd already picked your solo."

"Yeah, it's song I used to sing to Kurt," Blaine explained. "It's beautiful and it's in Italian so I think it'll spice up our set list a little. Have you girls decided on your song?"

"_Starlight_ from Taylor Swift's _Red_ album," Marley smiled. "You boys wait until we get you dancing in 1940's style. It'll look incredible with the outfits Tina has designed."

Blaine smiled wistfully. "It'll be great. The boys are tossing up between a few songs right now. I wish my old team mates could see us. We're going to win, I can feel it."

"Of course we will. We have you, Captain," Marley said and Blaine laughed. "We're going to be in Boston... Kurt could come to watch us. You should invite him."

Blaine raised his eyebrows suspiciously. "What are you trying to do?"

"What you don't seem to have the balls to do," Marley teased and then she shook her head with a smile, squeezing Blaine's hand. "We all want you to be happy. Even if you guys don't reconcile, you can see each other and be friends. You need that. You need him."

Blaine agreed silently, looking around to his other friends who were all side-eyeing them. It seemed they were all in on it and Marley had been the one to have to talk to him about it. It was true, Kurt was a part of him and not having him in his life was like an ache that wouldn't go away but it was no longer one that made him feel like he was break in half. It was one that made him feel stronger because he knew he would do whatever it took to see Kurt again. It wasn't as if their love had changed, it had just moulded itself around their new lives and grown stronger to help them get through the hard times.

Blaine nodded and hugged Marley.

"Okay, tell them I'm going to call him now." He wandered off to somewhere quieter and pulled out his phone to make the call.

Kurt answered immediately.

"Hello?" There was a nervousness and hesitance to his voice that Blaine understood.

"Hi," Blaine greeted, unable to help how his tone softened and warmed.

"Aren't you at prom? Why are you calling me?"

Blaine smiled, shutting his eyes, revelling in Kurt's voice. "Well, Nationals are in two weeks. They're in Boston. If I know my geography, Boston isn't that far from you."

"No... it's not," Kurt agreed.

"So... I think you –and Rachel – should come and watch us win for the second year running. It would mean so much to everyone. It would mean so much to me. And... I want to see you."

Kurt's breath caught and Blaine heard him make a choked sound.

"I want to see you too," Kurt replied softly. "We should get coffee together. Catch up."

"That sounds good," Blaine agreed. "So... you'll both come?"

"Of course."

"Great. I will see you there."

"Bye. Blaine... I miss you."

Blaine paused and then smiled happily. "I miss you, too, Kurt. But it won't be long now."

"Yeah... okay, go have fun. We can talk later."

Blaine waited a second before saying one last goodbye and hanging up. His heart felt like it was flying. He would see Kurt at Nationals. And Kurt missed him.

Kurt would hear him sing for him again. This time though it wouldn't be pain-filled. It would be full of love and hope and joy.

* * *

Kurt was quivering with excitement as Rachel dragged him into the theatre were Nationals were taking place that year. Kurt had wanted to go backstage and try to find Blaine but Rachel refused, telling him to wait until Blaine came to him. Disgruntled, Kurt agreed and took his seat, but he wouldn't stop fidgeting with caused Rachel to huff irritably.

New Directions had drawn a much later place than usual, they were towards the end. The fourth last performance and Kurt struggled to sit still through all the ones before theirs.

He wondered what was going on backstage.

* * *

"Is he out there?" Blaine frantically asked Mr Schue and Finn when they joined them in the dressing room a few minutes before they went on. He'd been asking everyone who came in the door the same thing since the competition started.

"Yes he is, he's with Rachel in the front second, three rows back to the middle," Mr Schue answered with an amused smile.

"You can sing right to him," Finn nodded. "Don't worry. I'm sure he'll catch the meaning right away... I mean... does he even know what the song means because we sure don't?"

"Yes. I told him the translation once. But even if he doesn't remember the exact words he knows what the song is about."

"Isn't about love at first sight?" Sugar wondered.

"No. It's called _Suddenly Love_ but it's more like the feeling where you realise that this is the person you want to spend forever with. _All'improviso Amore_," Blaine replied. He jumped up and down nervously as the lamps flickered.

"Okay, show circle," Finn said. "Blaine, I think you should lead us."

Blaine started but nodded. "Okay everyone. Oldies we know what this is like going out there but you newbies... you're about to experience something amazing. Even if we don't win, I'm so proud of us. We came such a long way this year and I know that we're at our absolute best. Also... I want to thank each and every one of you for sticking by me and supporting me through my rough patches. Thank you for believing in me and just know I believe in you. Okay, on three. One... Two... Three..."

"AMAZING!" everyone chorused.

Finn hugged Blaine quickly as they went out to start their performance.

* * *

The New Directions' first song was with the girls leading. Kurt was pleased to see that they were sharing the solos around. And it was amazing. He never knew a Taylor Swift song could be so incredible on stage but they had combined the song with 40's dancing style.

Marley, Kitty, Unique and Tina were the main leads and Marley dancing with Blaine was a perfect combination. They worked so well together and when he took the chorus with her, their voices melded together beautifully.

Kurt glanced sideways at Rachel to see her smiling proudly.

"She's amazing," Rachel whispered.

"She is," Kurt agreed. "It's shame she and Blaine only got this year to lead together. They're so good together."

Rachel nodded in agreement.

They rest of the group left the stage, leaving Blaine standing alone as a song started.

Kurt frowned. He knew that music. He just couldn't place it right then.

The music picked up pace and two couples from the other members came onto the stage dancing subtly with the music as Blaine began to sing and suddenly Kurt recognised the song and his heart skipped a beat. Blaine sang that song to him before when Kurt asked him to sing in Italian.

"What is this?" Rachel whispered.

"_All'improviso Amore,_" Kurt replied. "It's Italian. He... he used to sing this to me."

Rachel blinked and they looked back at Blaine whose eyes were shut as he poured himself into the beautiful words. Kurt glanced around and saw people looking awed and some looking teary. It was a beautiful song and Blaine's voice made it even more incredible.

When he reached the chorus his eyes found Kurt. Or at least, Kurt thought they did. He wasn't sure because Blaine looked away again. Then he was positive he'd been spotted because when he reached the end of the song, with the lines Blaine said were his favourite in the song, he looked right at Kurt, singing the words directly to him and Kurt felt frozen in his seat, unable to escape the power of Blaine's gaze.

Blaine's eyes shut as he drew out the last note, holding it for what seemed like forever. The music and his voice cut out in the same instant and the audience leapt to their feet to applaud. Kurt was a little slower but he clapped too, trying to slow his heart.

Rachel leant to him.

"What did that mean? He looked right at you," Rachel whispered.

"It meant _it will be natural like breathing, and will be true love healing my heart will rise the light inside of me_," Kurt breathed back.

New music started and everyone settled in their seats as Blaine skipped back a few feet into formation with the other boys as they began singing the All American Rejects' _I Wanna_. It was just as incredible, Blaine and Sam took the first part, Jake and Ryder the second. Their voices were perfect together and the dance break with Brittany and Jake with the others dancing behind them was equally as amazing as the beautiful 40's couple dancing style from _Starlight_.

Kurt and Rachel looked at each other as they finished and exchanged amazed smiles.

"They were incredible," Rachel laughed, wiping a stray tear from her eye. "They picked two group numbers that worked with everyone's voices and allowed for some impressive dancing."

"Originality with their routines and songs," Kurt nodded. "Especially Blaine's solo... I'm so glad Finn and Mr Schue let him sing that song... I love it. He used to sing it to me all the time."

Rachel smiled. "Does... do you think...?" She trailed off and Kurt blinked.

"He... he was singing to me," he realised. "He... How many performances to go?"

"Three," Rachel said. "Just be patient."

Kurt fidgeted and counted down the minutes until it came time for judging so he could go and find Blaine. He had to find Blaine. He needed to know. He just had to.

They finally announced the interval for judging and Kurt practically sprinted into the foyer, eyes searching frantically for some sign of Blaine. If that song had meant what he thought then there was no way he was giving up this chance. None at all. He'd lost Blaine once already, if he had the chance to have him back he was holding on tight and never letting him go.

Kurt spun in a couple of circles but he couldn't see him anywhere. He was about to give up and go sit to wait when he heard music start playing, a very familiar tune starting to blare from the speakers.

_Never knew I could feel like this  
Like I've never seen the sky before_

Kurt turned slowly as he heard the velvet voice singing. The people passing through the foyer stopped with interest when the current soloist for last year's National Champions began singing. Kurt found him right away. It was kind of hard to miss the costume and it helped that he was holding out one yellow and one red rose, his eyes burning with warmth and love as he looked at Kurt. He continued to sing, walking slowly towards Kurt as he reached the chorus.

_Come what may  
Come what may  
I will love you until my dying day_

Blaine hesitantly reached out his free hand, eyes begging Kurt to join with him to sing the rest of the song. Kurt let out a choked breath and took Blaine's hand, letting his voice begin to meld perfectly with the younger boy's just like they had many times before while watching the movie and singing this song together. He blinked away the happy tears threatening to fall, unable to tear his eyes away from Blaine's. The rest of the New Directions joined in the last chorus, all smiling warmly as Kurt fell into Blaine's arms and held him tightly when the song finished.

Scattered applause sounded but they both ignored it. Blaine rubbed Kurt's back as he tried to get himself under control. Kurt took a few gulps of air until he could look up at Blaine and smile softly without bursting into tears.

"Hi," Blaine murmured.

"Hi," Kurt replied. He smiled shyly. "Oh, there you are."

Blaine's answering smile was nearly blinding as he replied. "I've been looking for you forever."


	14. Home

**Final chapter. I hope the ending isn't too anticlimatic for you all. I love it, I think it's just right for this story. I hope you enjoy. And thank you all so much for sticking with me through such an angsty story, it means a lot :)  
**

* * *

Later, after Blaine was awarded MVP of the Nationals competition and the New Directions won, the two boys huddled together in a booth of a nearby coffee shop. Kurt was unable to let go of Blaine who seemed quite content to cuddle with him. The euphoria of winning and being MVP was nothing compared to how it felt right now to have Kurt back in his arms.

"Um… we should talk," Kurt said after finishing his cup of coffee.

"Mmm… no we shouldn't," Blaine disagreed. Kurt leant back to look Blaine in the eyes.

"Uh, yes we should. After everything-"

Blaine pressed a finger to Kurt's lips to silence him. He smiled softly. "I think we've both done enough hurting in the last few months, don't you? How about we just say that we're both sorry and we forgive each other then put it all behind us so we can start over. So we can just be Kurt and Blaine again."

Kurt's eyes shone brightly and he kissed Blaine's fingers before pulling them away.

"That sounds nice… but what if I want to talk about it?" he asked quietly. "What if I'd like to explain myself? And hear your thoughts and feelings?"

"Then we can talk. But not right now. Let's do it later, when we're more comfortable and things have gotten back to where they used to be," Blaine suggested.

"Okay. But we should do it before you move in with me."

Blaine's eyes widened just fractionally but he managed to pass it off as he jokingly replied, "You haven't even bought me dinner and you're asking me to move in?"

Kurt giggled. "How about I pay for the coffee? Does that make it less scandalous?"

"A little bit. Come here." Blaine pulled Kurt back into the circle of his arms and nuzzled into the crook of his neck and shoulder. Kurt kissed the top of his head and tightened his hold. "Ah…"

"What?" Kurt wondered.

"This is nice. It feels like I was never in pain to begin with. No scars."

Kurt smiled and squeezed Blaine. "Yeah… It feels like my heart can beat again. It's found its rhythm again." Kurt moved his hand to rest over Blaine's, feeling their hearts beating in perfect unison.

"Hey… are you coming home to see me graduate?"

"I was going to anyway. I know I promised to keep out of your life but… since you were going to get in NYADA if I had to murder someone to get you there then we would have seen each other anyway. I used to check your Facebook just to see what you were up to. I was having a hard time coping but I knew had to do it… for both of us."

Blaine smiled and then it faded as he remembered what he had done to cope.

"Um… Kurt… I kind of burnt everything of yours," Blaine whispered.

"Everything?"

"Everything that was yours, that you gave me or that reminded me of you, yes."

Kurt was silent for a moment. "Hang on… I left my two hundred dollar Alexander McQueen jacket at your house."

"You know I love you more than anything in the world."

"Blaine Anderson that jacket was a one-off."

"I'm sorry, I really am. But I was angry and hurt and confused... I didn't know what to do and in chick flicks they always seem like they feel better when they burn their boyfriend's things."

Kurt giggled. "Okay... maybe I'll forgive you but... even your beautiful scrapbooks?" Blaine nodded sadly. "All those hours wasted... what about our letter journal from when I first transferred back to McKinley?... Oh, Blaine... even- even Margaret Thatcher Dog?"

"That was probably the worst... thank God Dad did most of it not me." Blaine sighed and pulled Kurt closer. "I'm so sorry... I was a little out of my mind then."

"So was I, don't apologise. Most of those photos still exist somewhere in digital form so they're not lost forever. I guess I can find you a new bunch of adorable stuffed animals... but our letters... and my _McQueen Jacket_ can't be replaced..." Kurt sounded so heartbroken that Blaine felt a wave of guilt all over again.

"I really am sorry."

"Hey no, shh. Let's just... we'll make new memories... okay?" Kurt stroked his fingers through Blaine's hair. "Do you think Mr Schue would mind if I took you back to New York for the weekend?"

"Probably not," Blaine replied.

"Good. You're coming home with me and we're going to spend the weekend making up."

Blaine laughed as Kurt pulled him to his feet and out of the coffee shop. Blaine stopped him on the sidewalk though and tugged him close. Kurt looked at him curiously.

"Just one more thing," Blaine explained, before pulling him incredibly close and pressing their lips together. Kurt moaned and melted into Blaine, losing himself the feeling of their lips and tongues moving together. God he'd forgotten how amazing that felt.

They broke apart and Blaine sighed happily.

"That's better," he decided and Kurt nodded in agreement.

* * *

Rachel vacated the loft for most of the weekend and Kurt and Blaine spent a lot of time just holding each other. Kurt was way too nervous to initiate anything more than a few short kisses with Blaine, unable to let go of what he'd done to him before.

On Sunday morning though, Blaine put his foot down.

"I'm catching a plane in four hours to go back home," he protested as Kurt backed away from him nervously. "I'd kind of like to replace the last memory I have of us being _together_ together."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I can't do it... I feel like it'll just make you feel awful again."

"Kurt, us making love can never make me feel awful. And I asked you to do that to me anyway. Can we just do this and forget about it completely?" Blaine walked closer and took Kurt's hands. Kurt looked down at them and then nodded, looking worried. Blaine smiled and guided him back to his bed when he sat and encouraged Kurt onto his lap, straddling him. "I love you, Kurt Hummel and I forgive you for everything that happened. Can you forgive me though?"

"Of course I can you silly man," Kurt laughed. "And I love you. So much."

"Then kiss me and let me make love to you."

Kurt smiled and wrapped his arms around Blaine's shoulders to bring their lips together in a slow, sweet kiss.

They took their time, shedding clothes slowly and letting fingers trace skin, rememorising every part of each other. They both wanted it to last for as long as they could possibly make it. Considering neither of them had done anything since February it lasted a little less long than they might have liked but it didn't matter really. When Kurt curled into Blaine's side under the covers, their bodies still damp with sweat as they tangled together, he just felt right. Blaine held Kurt closer, sad that he would have to leave soon but happy that he at least got to have this before he went. He felt as though everything was right again.

Blaine hummed softly and then started singing. Kurt smiled, eyes still shut at the familiar melody.

"_Being apart ain't easy on this love affair_," Blaine sang softly, fingers stroking through Kurt's hair. "_Two strangers learning to fall in love again. And I get the joy of rediscovering you. Oh boy, you stand by me. I'm forever yours, faithfully._"

Kurt sighed and opened his eyes to look up into Blaine's warm golden ones.

"Sweetie... that was nice," he murmured. He snuggled back down before adding, "It would have been a whole lot more romantic had it not been a Journey song Rachel and Finn sang at our first Regionals."

Blaine blinked and then laughed. "Right, sorry. I'm going to miss you so much."

"Well, it isn't for long. I'll be home soon to watch you graduate and then you'll be moving up here in August. Nothing is ever going to separate us like that again."

Blaine hummed in agreement and just held Kurt for as long as he could until he needed to leave to go home. Their farewell at the airport was not as emotional as it would have been once because now they both _knew_ and they weren't worried.

Blaine didn't even have to tell his parents what happened when they picked him up at the airport. He was in such a dazed happiness that they both just knew and let him sing quietly as he gazed out the window on the way home.

After dinner though his father asked for details and Blaine provided them happily until he got to the part about them talking about Blaine burning everything.

"He was so upset when I told him that they were gone... all our memories," Blaine sighed sadly. "God how could I be so stupid? How you _let_ me be so stupid? Sorry, no, I shouldn't blame you. It was all on me."

Nathan laughed slightly, his voice off. He cleared his throat. "Actually..."

Blaine looked up with a frown.

"Don't be angry but... when you told me... I knew one day you might regret such a decision... I know I shouldn't have, it was betraying your trust in a way, but I felt it was the right thing to do..."

"Are you saying...?" Blaine's eyes lit up in hope.

"The only things burnt were those few photos I gave, all of which I made sure had other copies somewhere. It's all in some boxes in my office. I'm sorry."

"No!" Blaine jumped up and hugged his father tightly. "No, don't be sorry. Thank you so much. Thank you. I guess... I guess you really do know me, huh?"

"Well, I have a few years to make up for. I want to do it any way I can."

"Oh, Dad, this more than makes up for it. I need to call Kurt. Where is it?"

"Behind the filing cabinets." Blaine squeezed his father once more, dashing off to gather the boxes and transport them upstairs. He called Kurt and put him on speaker as he unpacked the boxes, ready to return everything to their rightful places.

"Hey there Honey Bee," Kurt greeted.

"Hi gorgeous! Guess what!"

"What?"

"All of your stuff, it's still here. Dad hid it from me! He knew we'd make up eventually and he didn't want me to regret such a stupid thing so it's all here. All of it!" Blaine knew he sounded overexcited but he was just so happy. He let out a delighted laugh when he found his parents had even gone so far as to replace the glass in the framed pictures he'd thrown at the wall. "Oh Kurt, it's Margaret Thatcher Dog." He hugged the stuffed dog close and kissed its head.

Kurt was laughing on the other end of the line. "I'm so glad. Thank your dad for me, will you?"

"I will," Blaine promised. "Everything is here. I'm so happy he started wanting to be a good dad again or this would all have been destroyed. I should probably leave it all in these boxes actually... I will be moving in a couple of months."

Kurt just laughed and then asked Blaine a question which led to a debate about the newest Project Runway episodes. Their conversation lasted for hours and Blaine went to sleep with a smile on his face after he hung up because he'd never felt so perfect before.

* * *

**Two Months Later**

Blaine dumped his last box in the loft. It had been such a hassle moving up here. He'd needed to send his things in the moving van a couple of days before his plane even left so that he would arrive around the same time as his things. It turned out his plane was delayed for a while and the van arrived before he did but luckily Brody and Rachel had been around and they had decided to start moving Blaine's things upstairs for him.

Blaine was so grateful. He really liked Brody and was glad he was living in the loft with them. Although he wondered if Rachel was beginning to feel far too outnumbered. After all there were three men and then she was the only girl. He asked her about this and she just laughed and said at least she'd be properly protected if a psycho ever invaded their home.

It had been a long time coming moving in here. Kurt had been adamant about them having a talk so last week they'd stayed up together in Blaine's empty house and talked about EVERYTHING. There were so many tears and hugs and even some laughter. They got every feeling they'd had in the last year out in the open and afterwards they'd made slow, worshipful love on the couch. Twice so they could switch it up.

And it was perfect. Blaine couldn't have asked for a better way to finish their terrible year.

Blaine rubbed his back tiredly as arms came around him from behind.

"You look like you need a massage," Kurt murmured in his ear, kissing his throat softly.

"That would be amazing," Blaine sighed. "But I kind of want to unpack. It feels all... weird, just having the boxes. If I unpack-"

"Don't worry about that just now," Kurt said and dragged him to take a shower where he relaxed Blaine with a back massage and a blow job. Afterwards they started to unpack his things and the second Blaine stacked his last book on the shelf Kurt tackled him onto the bed and kissed him deeply.

"What was that for?" Blaine gasped when they broke apart for air.

"Welcome home," Kurt responded before kissing him again and proceeding to remove his clothes.

_Welcome home indeed,_ Blaine thought, complying happily since there was nowhere else he'd rather be.

No more waiting.

_FIN_


End file.
